Monthly Archives: September 2009

Our Nature Table

We have created a nature space on our dining room table.  I wanted to have a stand alone nature table but space is a commodity in our home and the dining room table is the most common spot for our family to gather.  It made sense to combine the two. 

Norah collects bits of nature during the day and when we gather for dinner, Scott joins in to help Norah identify objects she has found and to discuss their place in ecology.  I added a field guide to trees as a “cheat sheet” for us when we get stuck! 

In this picture, she has placed a mushroom, flower, leaf, two nuts, and a snake.  The baby snake was caught in a spider web.  We kept him for identification and then let him go. 

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The Hypno-goodies

For couples who take my Hypnobabies class, look at all the fun stuff you get!  IMG_8890

 Hypnobabies really equips couples with a variety of tools and resources for an easy and comfortable birth.

I want my village

I had a sneaking suspicion.  Now I know for certain:Women_at_the_Well1892

WE ARE NOT WIRED TO BE ALONE WITH CHILDREN ALL DAY LONG.

Or even half of the day.  A two hour playdate doesn’t cut it for adult support, encouragement, and relief.  A one hour phone conversation with a friend isn’t enough. 

I want my village.  I want my women who go to the well with me every morning.  The isolated nuclear family is a failed experiment.  I want a shared community.  Not a virtual community–though I would waste away without this online connection. 

I want geographic proximity.     

On my street, there are eight houses.  Of the people who are home during the day, I can choose from:  the old man who smokes while pulling his oxygen tank, the 98 year old woman, the Alzheimer woman who never leaves her house and once accused the neighbors of stealing her underwear, the third shift police officer, and the people who shoot guns at fake deer targets in the backyard.

Where are the mamas?

See, I have a 3 year old with unbelievable energy.  I read somewhere that age 3 is the biological peak for energy levels.  And then I have a 6 week old who cries when I put her down.  So I wear her and sleep beside her and nurse her.  And I love it.  I do.  It is amazing to care for this little one.  But I could use some relief arms occasionally.  My back could use some relief arms! 

Who wants to start an intentional community?  It might be a yurt community since houses aren’t selling and money is tight.  I could live in a yurt. 

As long as I have a village.

The Baby Book

I’ve been complaining about how much I dislike Baby Books.  I didn’t love Norah’s and really didn’t want to do another.  But as my younger sister always points out:  the first child gets a complete baby book and the younger sibling’s is barely completed if she has one at all.  Do I sense some angst? 

I have dutifully completed the required questions in Cedar’s oh-so-generic baby book.  I even did her footprints (which turned out to be a messy disaster).  But so much of the information is irrelevant.  Such as the two pages dedicated to “coming home from the hospital.”  Really?  Two pages?  What outfit did you wear home from the hospital?  Well, not only did Cedar not leave the house for 7 days, she also didn’t wear anything that first week.  And decorating the nursery?  Cedar’s nursery is our room; her crib is our king-sized bed. 

I muttered something about how someone needed to design baby books for the not-so-generic experience.

Voila:   Artist Adriane Bovine has created baby books that are beautiful, hand-made, and tailored for out-of-the-norm whether it be adoption, non traditional families, homebirths, the family bed, etc.  Check her out!  Put this extraordinary baby book on your wish list.

Well done, Adriane Bovine!

Vertical Birthing

Lamaze International has released their 6 Healthy Birth Practices.   Number 5 on the list is “avoid giving birth on your back and follow your body’s urge to push.” 

Let me tackle the first part:  avoid giving birth on your back.

Vertical birth positions include squatting, hands and knees, and standing.  There are other vertical birth positions but these are the most common.  Squatting increases the pelvic space as much at 30%!
 
Using a squat bar at Greenville MemorialSome of the reasons vertical birth can be more beneficial than sitting or reclining:
  • Gravity.  I think we all know about Newton’s Law, right?  It is pretty obvious that using the planet’s gravitational pull would be helpful in a normal birth scenario.  Upright positions ensure that the baby’s head stays evenly pressed against the cervix.  This pressure means more consistent dilation and speedier labor.  Also, the entrance of the baby’s head to the inlet of your pelvis is easiest when you are upright. 
  • It opens the sacrum and lifts the tailbone.  The sacrococcygeal joint is located between your sacrum and your coccyx.  It loosens during pregnancy so that your coccyx can tilt back out of the way as your baby is born.  When you lean forward on hands and knees or squat, this tilt happens.  What do you think happens when you are sitting on your tailbone?  Exactly.  The opposite:  it tilts in a bit. 
  • Optimal relaxation of the perineum.  The most common hospital birth position is semi-reclining with the woman’s legs pulled way back toward her ears.  I’ve assisted in countless births in the position.  Not only does this tilt the birth canal toward the ceiling (see point one about gravity) it also stretches the perineal muscles tight.  When the muscles are stretched externally, they are more likely to tear. 
  • Strong oxygen supply to the baby.  You’ve been told already not to sleep on your back.  Why?  The weight of your heavy uterus presses on some major abdominal blood vessels.  This pressure can cause fetal distress by hindering blood circulation.  When you’re already working hard to push out a baby, adding pressure to blood vessels does not benefit you or your baby.
  • Less pain.  Ah–got your attention!  When you avoid laboring on your back, there is no direct pressure on the pelvic nerves that enter the pelvis through the sacrum.  Putting weight on your sacrum can compress these nerves causing you to experience unnecessary pain. 
  • Less work for your uterus.  When the uterus contracts, it tilts forward.  If you are upright or leaning forward, you make it easy for your uterus to assume this position.  Reclining, your uterus will have to heave forward with each contraction causing it to expend extra energy.     

 The woman to the right is using a squat bar at Greenville Memorial.  Doesn’t she look powerful? 

Hmmm, so are there disadvantages?  Yes.  It is not the most convenient position for your care provider.  It is unusual (for some) and it throws a kink in some routines of creating a sterile field, keeping the laboring woman still for pushing, and monitoring fetal heartbeat.  I’ve heard all sorts of reasons given by OBs as to why their patient could not birth vertically. 

If lying down is your preference for birth and what feels most comfortable to you, then of course, do it.  But what if you want to go vertical?  How can you make that happen at the hospital?  First, speak of your intentions to every doctor in your practice.  Second, put it in your birth plan.  Third, order the hospital birth bar.  Fourth, practice a few vertical positions to see which feels best to you and to get your body comfortable with these positions.  If you plan to squat, you will probably want to be supported.  You can be support on two sides by your doula and partner, you can have your partner or doula behind you on the bed, or you can use the birth bar to support your weight.  If you plan to birth on hands and knees, you can raise the bed so you can drape over it with your arms; taking pressure off your wrists.  If you plan to stand, you will want your partner behind you supporting under your arms or you will want to lean against the bed on your arms.

While the research and cultural history are on your side, vertical birth in the hospital is not the norm.  Remember, though, no one can make you lie on your back.  This is your birth and your body.  Your care provider is the hired help.

2.50 plus tax

IMG_8884That is what I paid for my favorite wrap.  I love when people stop me at the store to ask where I got “that.”  And I say, “Well, it is just a long piece of cloth!” 

Here is how you can make your own long piece of cloth:

  • Go to the fabric store.
  • Pick out some jersey knit fabric (I found it for 1.00/yd).
  • Buy 5 or 6 yards depending on your size.
  • When you get home, cut it in half vertically.
  • Give one half away as a gift to a pregnant friend. 
  • Now you have a wrap.  The edges of jersey knit roll so don’t bother sewing the edges. 

Seriously, I do not know how moms of newborns function without a wrap.  It is my number 1 ranked mom gear.   I can hold and bounce a fussy Cedar in my arms and she will continue to fuss.  But if I put her in a wrap, she almost always settles immediately into sleep and I can write thank-you notes or wash diapers.  Or blog.  The added perk is that after 15 minutes or so in the wrap, she is in a deep enough sleep that I can usually unwrap her and lay her down.   

Want to learn how to use a wrap?  Come to our next babywearing group or google instructions online.

And never smell of barley water

Your Mary Poppins reference for the day. 

Barley has a long history as a lactogenic food–a food that supports lactation.  My current favorite way to increase lacto-potential is to make fennel/oatstraw/nettles tea with barley water. 

To make barley water, I put 1/4 cup of barley in a quart of water.  Simmer for 20 minutes.  The remaining water makes my tea.  I’ve found a yummy way to eat the barley itself.  I mix it with pineapple, maple syrup, and cinnamon and eat it warm. 

Meanwhile, why would a nanny smell of barley water?  What was she using it for??

1+1=?

What a new child equals, or my new math.

1+1=mourning.  I am mourning the change in relationship with Norah.  We were two.  We spent days together.  She played independently because she knew I was right there anytime she needed me.  Now, she isn’t so sure I’m there for her.  And often I’m not.  So the independence is gone.  She wants to touch me all day long and sit right! beside! me!  Like right now.  Her little arms are wrapped around my arm and she keeps touching my hands as they type.  She is quieter.  With her forced smile that once only came out when her feelings were hurt and she didn’t want to cry.  Now it is here much of the day.  And it makes me incredibly sad–this change.  And I would like nothing more than to spend an entire day; just the two of us.  But now we are three.  And I am mourning.

1+1=guilt.  I cannot give 100% to both girls just now.  Ever?  Sometimes I take longer to soothe Cedar because I’m in the middle of tying Norah’s shoes or making her lunch.  And, more often, I’m telling Norah to “wait” or “do it yourself” or “be a big girl.”  I say “don’t” all the time.  For things that are inconsequential.

1+1=short fuse.  I cannot believe how thin my patience is right now.  Where is the gentleness?  I find myself snapping at Norah constantly.  Before sitting down to type this post, I threw Norah’s watering pot into a tree because she hit me with it (accidentally) and it woke the baby.  I don’t normally act that way!  And I am totally touched out.  I say “Baby, please don’t hug me right now” or “Honey, let go of me” twenty times a day as if adding an endearment makes it better.

1+1=extreme mommy brain.  Like the day I was feeding Cedar some donor breastmilk with a syringe and I sucked up coffee into the syringe instead of milk.  Don’t worry–I didn’t feed it to her!  Or the morning I taught Norah left from right but realized later I taught her backwards.  The best one:  this morning on the way to the park when Norah informs me that I forgot to put underwear on her.  And she’s wearing a dress. 

1+1=chaos.  No organization.  Very little accomplished.  Husband going in one direction with one child.  Me heading the opposite.  Exhaustion. 

I know it would be wonderful if I ended this entry with 1+1=twice the joy but right on time, Cedar is waking.  Twice the joy later…

One spot available

I have an opening in my upcoming Hypnobabies childbirth education class.  This class begins Sept 20 and will meet in Greenville from 6pm-9pm.

I’d welcome any help in spreading the word about the only Hypnobabies class in SC.  Know any pregnant mamas? 

Check out my Hypnobabies tab for more information about this comprehensive class.  I loved using this method for Cedar’s birth.  Did you hear about how I kicked transition’s butt?  Oh yeah. 

Email me if you’d like more information:  j_byers[at]bellsouth[dot]net.

Cedar’s Song

I watched the birth video.  I watched it mainly because I wanted to know what song heralded the arrival of Cedar Olivia.  It was “On Your Wings” by Iron and Wine.  Some of the lyrics are perfect for a new arrival: 

How we rise when we’re born
like the ravens in the corn
on their wings, on our knees
crawling careless from the sea

God, give us love in the time that we have.