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Author Archives: Inexplicable Ways

May 10 on 10

Ten pictures on the 10th:

10am:  Airbending–Norah’s current pastime

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11am:  First school day wearing her glasses.  Turns out Norah is far-sighted!  That explains why she has no difficulty reading billboards but all sorts of trouble reading books.  ”Mom, the words are all blurry and my eyes are so tired.”  Doh.

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12pm:  Boo-boo.  It’s incredible how much blood results when a 3 yr old tries to sharpen her finger in a pencil sharperner.

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1pm:  Lunch

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2pm:  Strawberries, strawberries everywhere!

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3pm:  Bird study

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4pm:  Calling in the creepy door-to-door guys claiming to be ADT.  I took pictures of the three guys, too.  I wouldn’t let them walk up my driveway.

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5pm:  Waiting for her Daddy/Daughter Date

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6pm:  Story of my life.  Also, I need to dust.

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7pm:  Norah and her friend, Veda, at the musical production, “Oliver.”  Last show is tonight…GO SEE IT!

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New Classes and Doula Availability

Have you liked me on Facebook yet??  What are you waiting for?  Click here and then click “like” to  follow my business there.  My work is entirely dependent on social media and word of mouth.  Help a doula out.

I have another parents-to-be series for Natural Baby coming up in June.  Click here to sign up or to share with some expectant couples you know.  Six Monday nights to explore parenting and learning to listen to your instincts.  Class 1:  Learning to understand and soothe your baby.  Class 2:  Breastfeeding.  Class 3:  The first six weeks postpartum.  Class 4:  How babies (and parents) sleep.  Class 5:  Saving money and creating a mindful gift registry.  Class 6:  The first year of parenting.  If you can’t take an entire series, pick and choose the classes you want for 25.00/couple/class.

Registration is open for July/August Hypnobabies classes meeting Tuesdays beginning July 23rd in Greenville.  Email me for information (j_byers @ bellsouth.net).

I only have a few more doula spaces left this year.  I have space for 1 client in late June or July, 1 client in October, and 2 clients in November.

Thank you for helping me serve families!

Private Childbirth Classes in Greenville

Did you know I can come to your home for classes?

Reasons why a private childbirth class might be for you:

You won’t have to pay a babysitter.  Many of my private students schedule their classes during bedtime.  Or, her partner watches the kids while mom attends class in another room.  One couple I teach has the dad do the bedtime routine for the first hour of class and then join the mom for the second hour.

A group class is too far to drive.  Some of my private students hire me because they live in Saluda or Liberty or Pickens.  I understand.  I live far from classes, too!  Add up the cost of gas and a babysitter.  Maybe it equals the difference in cost between a group and private class.

You’re on bedrest or your immune system is compromised.

You or your partner are not comfortable in a group class.  While I pinky-swear that I make my group classes relaxed and non-threatening, I understand that some folks would rather talk about birth in private.

Your schedule is crazy or unpredictable.  I can be as flexible as you need with a private class.  Want to meet once every two weeks for a six session class?  No problem.  Need to reschedule at the last minute?  That’s fine.

Or it’s simply convenient.   Or you want to wear your jammies.  Or you want to learn by candlelight in the backyard.  

For whatever reason, know that this option is available!

April is Cesarean Awareness Month

Many bloggers have written incredible posts about the shocking cesarean rate, VBAC support, and resources for healing.

I’m not going to try to repeat what they have already so eloquently written.

I want to talk about the idea of family-centered cesarean birth.

I don’t attend many cesareans.  The ones I’ve attended lately are so vastly different from the ones 5 or 6 years ago.  Those involved babies sent to nurseries while mom was in recovery–sometimes alone.  Waiting family members snapped pictures of this new life while mom caught only a quick glimpse in the operating room.

Now, I witness something astoundingly different.  It is much more common to witness births in the operating room involving skin-to-skin contact, sometimes delayed cord clamping, moms with arms unstrapped, and recovery together as a family.  Baby is often held skin-to-skin with dad when not on mom’s chest.  Doulas are more frequently allowed to accompany the family for the cesarean.

Recently, one of my couples experienced a cesarean birth.  After pushing for hours in every position imaginable, their posterior baby (with a 15 inch head, mind you!) was born by cesarean.  Their medical team gave us all the time we needed to try every trick I knew.  The couple was disappointed but they remained empowered throughout their birth experience.

They won’t be showing up for the 18 month cry.

I want to share a few of the pictures from their cesarean birth.  The obstetrician called in to perform the cesarean was Dr. Danielle Harris.  She immediately agreed to their wishes for delayed cord clamping and skin-to-skin.  The family physician who had supported them through the birth was Dr. Keith Stafford.  You know him on this blog as Dr. Polo Shirt.

Dr. Harris hands baby to Dr. Stafford who places him directly onto mom’s chest.  He doesn’t dry the baby first or take a detour to the warmer first.

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Dad steps in to help mom hold their son.  Mom’s arm is free to touch her baby.

Here’s hoping that more babies who must be born by cesarean will experience a gentle welcome like this one.

Huge thanks to my clients for permitting me to share a little of their birth experience.

Babylegs in the doula bag?

When my girls were wee babes, I thought Babylegs were just for little legs.  They looked so adorable.  And sometimes the legwarmers were the only thing I could get Norah to wear.

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We also used them as arm-warmers and in costumes.

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I thought I was pretty clever when I packed them to cover Cedar’s airplane seatbelt so she wouldn’t escape and cause mayhem.

Babylegs are pretty versatile.  But why do I pack them in my doula bag?

For hospital births, most women are forced encouraged to get a hep-lock.  The hep-lock provides IV access in case of emergency.  I haven’t met a natural birther yet who loved her hep-lock.  In fact, at many births, the birthing woman complains more about the hep-lock than anything else.

It’s usually placed in a spot that is uncomfortable during the poses a natural birthing woman chooses.  It might be in the bend of the wrist.  Sometimes it snags on things as the mom moves.  And it is very visible to the mom.

I’ve known more than one birthing woman to rip out her hep-lock and throw it across the room in a blaze of glory.

Babylegs are perfect for sliding over the hep-lock and keeping it out of sight/out of mind.  It keeps it from snagging on things.

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Has anyone else found creative uses for their Babylegs?

April is a happening month

Just a sampling of some local events:

April 6:  Movie Day at the Hughes Main Library.  Watch “Born in the USA” and learn about birth choice in SC.  I’ll represent the doula perspective on the Q&A panel after the event.  10.00 donation suggested.

April 8:  The Spartanburg Babywearing Group meets at Labors of Love.  11am

April 10:  Greenville Cloth Diaper Group has a monthly meeting at the Taylors branch library.  10am.

April 11:  EarthFest at Greenville Tech’s Barton Campus.  I’ll be there working a table for Upstate BirthNetwork.  Stop by and say hello between 10am-2pm!

April 11:  Prenatal Yoga at I Love Natural Baby.  5pm

April 12:  Parent and Toddler Yoga at I Love Natural Baby.  10am

April 12:  Parent and Baby Yoga at I Love Natural Baby.  10:45am.

April 13:  Come hear the sexy-voiced Michel Odent, MD speak about birth.  Sponsored by the Bellies to Babies Foundation and the SC Birth Coalition.  Info here.

April 13:  Cloth Diaper 101.  A free class to introduce you to cloth diapers!

April 15:  La Leche League of Greenville meets at I Love Natural Baby.  7pm.  Other meetings throughout the upstate.  Check http://www.llli.org to find the meeting closest to you!

April 20:  Thrive:  A Conscious Health Experience in Clemson.  Looks like such a fun day full of exhibits, kids yoga, and special speakers.  10am-4pm.

April 20:  The Great Cloth Diaper Change is happening at I Love Natural Baby.  Come break the record with your baby!

April 23:  Meet the Midwives event at Greenville Midwifery Care.  6-8pm.  Registration is online through our home page on website or you can email to GMCmidwife@ghs.org.

April 27:  Blessingways:  A Gathering of New and Expectant Families.  April is Cesarean Awareness Month.  Join the discussion.  2pm.

April 28:  The Fair Exchange.  This is the third year that I’ve organized this amazing event to raise $$ for a cause.  This year, we’re raising money for the SC Birth Coalition as they lobby to protect birth choices in SC.  Stop by and shop gently used baby clothes, cloth diapers, babywearing products, etc and buy some raffle tickets for fantastic prizes.

This month, I’m teaching three Hypnobabies series and will attend two births, two postpartums, three prenatals, and meet with a few new couples for the first time.

I thought this was a part time job?  I love it so.

Extraordinary Nurses

Many families worry about which nurse they will get during their birth.  The nurse is a wildcard.  We can pick our midwife or doctor.  We can pick our doula, our birth photographer, our childbirth educator.  We can pick our hospital.  We don’t get a choice in our nurse(s).

I’m so happy that nearly all the nurses I’ve worked with in the last few years have been amazing.  Occasionally, one nurse really stands out and shapes the birth in extraordinary ways.  Like Beth two years ago.

This time, I’m bragging on Mona.  I adore Mona at Greer Hospital.  She’s been a rockstar for many of my clients.  Mona played a big role in this birth.   And she caught the baby before Dr. Polo Shirt could arrive at this birth.

So I knew I could relax when I saw Mona walk into the birthing room.

monaWhat made her support so extraordinary at this birth?

  • She kept interactions with the mama at an absolute minimum.  Mama stayed in the tub and the door to the bathroom remained closed 99% of the time.
  • She used a handheld doppler for quick listens to the baby’s heartrate while mom was in the tub.  She also used a handheld monitor while mom was pushing.  My client didn’t have anything strapped around her belly.
  • She ran interference when the doctor preferred that the mom get out of the tub sooner rather than later.
  • She stalled when another nurse prompted that the mom needed a hep-lock.  The mama never did get that hep-lock.
  • She applied hot compresses on mom’s perineum when baby was crowning.
  • She patiently and quietly guided this first-time mom and then called the doctor in a few minutes before the baby was born.
  • After the birth, she didn’t fuss with the baby or try to talk to the mother.  She stepped back.  After an hour, she still didn’t fuss with the baby or suggest taking her.  In fact, when I left, mama was breastfeeding her baby and blissfully devouring her own lunch tray.

I love this nurse.  She is a strong and quiet presence.  If you give birth at Greer Memorial and Mona walks into the room, relax.  You’re in very good hands.

(Also, I hope she doesn’t kill me for blogging about her!)

10 on 10, March

A picture for ten hours on the 10th.

8:30am: Cedar’s new way to wake us.  She calls it “Hulk Smash” and it is quite painful.

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9:30am:  pancake stirring with infinite patience

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10:30am:  meal-planning

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11:30am:  my man belting out The Eagles

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12:30:  the girls picking daffodils for the lunch table

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1:30:  my mom’s lunch menu for my birthday.  I love lasagna but no one else does so it was a large spread!

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2:30pm:  happy birthday to me!

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3:30pm: at the car wash

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4:30pm:  admiring my birthday present from my parents.

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5:30pm:  grocery-getting

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SC Lay Midwife Act–Bill 3731

You may have heard that SC is going backwards again.  Not surprising, really.  But for a conservative state, I’m surprised at the movements lately to squeeze in more governmental control.

Enter Bill 3731, the SC Lay Midwife Act.

What the heck is a “lay midwife?”

I’ve attended over 100 births as a doula.  If I decided, “Hey, I think I know a decent bit about childbirth.  Why do the OBs and midwives get paid the big bucks?  I think I’ll start catching the babies.”  That.  That would be a lay midwife.  I would be a person without training hanging up my shingle. (*see footnote)

When I first read this bill, I thought the legislature’s intention was to criminalize, well, lay midwives (i.e. people who were DIY babycatching).

Surely they could not mean SC Licensed Midwives.

Then I read on.

Now, I realize it may be difficult for a layperson (pun intended) to understand the in’s and out’s of midwifery with it’s many acronyms and differences state-to-state.  Let me break it down.

To apply the misnomer “lay midwife” to our licensed midwives is offensive.  Simply that.  And clearly the bill understands this offense as it belittles midwives and the families they serve by requiring a name tag (!):  A lay midwife shall wear a clearly legible identification badge or other adornment at least one inch by three inches in size bearing the lay midwife’s name and the words ‘Lay Midwife.

Do you see the absurdity of this?  These midwives are attending births primarily in homes.  They have spent hours with the families they serve prior to the birth.  Name tag?

Back to this lay midwife term.  The bill defines lay midwife as a “midwife who may have had little formal training or recognized professional education in midwifery, who learned by accompanying doctors or midwives attending home births.”

Does that apply to SC Licensed Midwives?  In the 1930′s, the state embarked on formal training of midwives.  There were thousands of midwives practicing in rural areas, equipped by the SC government.  In the 1970′s, a move (eerily similar to this one) ended government support of midwives.  The people of SC reacted in protest and a new licensure program developed in the early 1980′s.  This licensing process is still in place and ain’t broken.  DHEC sets standards and regulations for midwives.  Their outcomes are public information.  Nobody is hiding anything.

A layperson can go to the DHEC website to view more information than s/he would ever want to know about regulations, current care providers, reporting, and more.

“Little formal training?”  Licensed midwives must complete a formal education program approved by DHEC and finish an intensive clinical apprenticeship.  Typically the preceptor-apprenticeship ratio is 1:1 or 1:2.  It cannot be more than 1:3. The apprenticeship generally takes 2-3 years.  Then the applicant completes an examination.  Once licensed, there are continuing education requirements and peer review processes.  And, of course, there are fees, fees, fees.

Calling Licensed Midwives “lay” would be the equivalent of suddenly calling all Licensed Builders in the state “lay” and requiring citizens to hire structural engineers to build their deck.

This bill will end the licensing of midwives in SC.  It calls for direct supervision of “lay midwives” by obstetricians.  Obstetricians and licensed midwives practice in different environments and under vastly different models of care.  Don’t let the wording fool you, this bill would end legal midwifery for out of hospital birth in SC.  This supervision wording is merely a smokescreen.

What will happen if there are no licensed midwives in SC?  There will always be families who don’t want a medical birth.  There will always be families who choose homebirth.  And there will, I trust, always be midwives who will serve them.  But these midwives will do so under the threat of criminalization.

There are many other issues associated with this bill:

  • Financial considerations:  a homebirth with a licensed midwife typically costs less than 4000.  An uncomplicated vaginal birth at the hospital may cost 10,000.  Medicaid reimburses licensed midwives.
  • Freedom:  this bill removes access to professional midwives.  It will destroy an entire profession in our state; a profession recognized world-wide.  If you care about freedom, this bill is one to fight.
  • Safety:  I would need to write an entire post to discuss this one!  This bill is not about the safety of mothers and babies.

So now, what will you do dear layperson?  I saw a few weeks ago how a rapid response from citizens pressured the sponsors of a homeschool bill to remove their support.  We can make that happen here, too.

Keep up to date on talking points, petitions, and information at the SC Friends of Midwives website.

Write, email, call the members of the 3M committee.  Let them know you  oppose this bill.  You don’t need to write or say anything fancy.  I think numbers are more important at this stage.

Please help SC families who want access to licensed midwives and protect our freedom to choose where and with whom to birth.

*There are many wise and experienced midwives who choose not to license.  Some have called them “lay midwife.”  I do not because I think the whole term “lay midwife” is oxymoronic.  This bill isn’t addressing these unlicensed midwives anyhoo.  It is addressing SC licensed midwives.

Friends who don’t homeschool, 10 things I want you to know.

Dear friends, there are some things I want you to know.  I’m putting it here so I can catch you all in one sweep (unless you don’t read my blog.  Hey, why aren’t you reading my blog??).  This post is not a reaction to anything.  I just know that school choices can be polarizing.  I also know I had misconceptions about homeschooling before I started.

1)  I have zero opinion or judgement about where your kids go to school.  Really.  Ok, I take that back.  Some days, I may judge you to be smarter than me for sending your kids to school.  See my side note in #2.

2) I don’t homeschool because I’m anti-public school.  I am a product of public school and I loved it.  I met the guy I married, had some amazing teachers, and earned college credit from AP classes.  It is likely my kids will be in public school one of these days.  *Side-note:  I had a mini-meltdown two weeks ago and it almost happened.  If that school bus had only gone a little bit slower…

3) I don’t homeschool for religious reasons.  I’m happy that I can talk to my kids about my spiritual beliefs but I would do that regardless of where they went to school.

Source: homeschoolerproblems

Source: homeschoolerproblems

4) We don’t replicate traditional school at home.  There are no white boards or desks.  We don’t say the pledge of allegiance and there is no bell.  What we learn is different than what your child might be learning.  Different; not better or worse.  We do school year-round so that we can be flexible and play.  We play a lot.  I have a list of what I’d like to cover in a week and we squeeze it in as we do life.  I like lists; particularly checking them off.  We usually finish everything but life comes first.  And life has plenty of its own important lessons.

Source: fatjealouscatlady

Source: fatjealouscatlady

5) A word about my excessive prolific facebook activity.  Confession:  I may have judged some women before I was a homeschool mom.  It may have gone something like this, “She says she homeschools but she’s always on facebook.  That’s one of my issues with homeschoolers–they can be such slackers!”  Ugly, right?  What can I say?  I’ve eaten so many words since I became a mom.  (Like, “I’ll NEVER homeschool.”)  What is the deal with some homeschool moms and facebook?  I get it now.  It goes like this:  when your child needs supervision while they’re working on a task–say, practicing their reading–you will slowly lose your mind.  It starts oozing out your ears and your foot begins to bounce as irritation creeps up your body.  I survive the mundane sounding-out of words by surreptitiously checking facebook on my phone under the table.  It is for sanity’s sake, people.  I also secretly eat girl scout cookies under the table.

6)  Socialization:  The top question I get from people is “how do your socialize them?”  My question is how do we fit in school with all the socializing?  Norah learns some valuable skills in her daily relations with her sister:  patience, persuasion, conflict resolution, and physical defense skills.  Our calendar is packed with science labs, zoo school, co-ops, field trips, classes, and playdates.  I drop her off every Monday to spend 7 hours with other kids her age.  My husband gently pointed out that I over-scheduled this month.  I did.  It got ugly.

source:  atorahlife.com

source: atorahlife.com

7) It’s challenging for me to hang out kid-free.  Each week, I need to carve out kid-free time for my work:  prenatals, postpartums, births, and classes.  I can’t take a child to those.  That leaves little other time I can ask my child-watchers to help.  If you want to hang out, you’ll get the whole clan.

8) As in most situations, it’s not helpful for you to say, “I could never do that.”  You probably could do it.  Not that you SHOULD but you could homeschool if the situation called for it.  When I hear someone say that, it makes me feel a little isolated and crazy for trying.

9) I’ve found that sometimes homeschool parents can be boastful snotty about their kids.  Do you know why?  Because they’re in the minority.  Whenever anyone does something that isn’t mainstream (ahem, homebirth, attachment parenting, not vaccinating), we tend to focus only on the positives and sometimes sound preachy.  I’ve read homeschool articles that ooze with superiority.  This makes it difficult for me to talk about the areas I worry about when I’m surrounded by “all the homeschool kids test above grade-level, yada yada”.  And it sometimes makes it difficult to talk about it with you.  I want to be transparent about my kids.  Call me on it if I’m sounding too “my kid is a unique snowflake.”  I’m probably really insecure about screwing up my child.  To keep it real, some days are horrible.  Horrible.  Here is a facetime image my husband captured when he called in one morning:

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10)  ”But how are you going to teach every subject to your kids?”  First off, my kid is in 1st grade.  I can handle that material.  I don’t know how long I’ll homeschool so this question might be irrelevant to us.  However, my goal–and the goal of most homeschool families–is to teach kids to teach themselves.  When they reach material that presents a challenge, there are online classes/lectures, local college classes, mentors, the library, and more.  I hope I can help my girls work beyond what I can teach them.

Why do I do it?  It feels right.  For now.  I like the flexibility of it.  It works well with being on call as a doula.  I like that when Norah gets excited about something, we can drop everything and dig into a subject.  I don’t have to get up early in the morning and I don’t have to do carpool lines.  I really like what I’m learning.  I’m digging up memories from Mr. Wilson’s 8th grade Latin class.  I’ve memorized a 13 minute history timeline song.  This week, I’m learning about the Songhai empire.  I love the old and often obscure texts we read.  Redeeming my own education.

If this post sounds disjointed, I broke up 15 fights between my children, lost my temper three times, got side-tracked by google image, and attended a birth while attempting to write it.  So, I’ve meandered.  What I want to say is I love my friends who don’t homeschool and very much need you in my life.  You give me balance and perspective.  And you keep me from being a HOMESCHOOL MOM instead of a mom who happens to homeschool.  

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