I had been with the couple in their home for 7 hours.  We were getting close to the “go to the hospital” decision.  The mom was getting restless.  My notes say she was prowling the house, experiencing some nausea.  She was feeling a bit of pushy pressure at the peaks of her waves.

Suddenly she sat down and blurted out, “Let’s make a list of all the things I’m afraid of.”

She said it like you might say at a slumber party, “Let’s make a list of the cutest boys in school.”

We sat with her and she dictated her fears:

• The car ride
• Hospital people
• Owning a child
• Being tired

It was easy for me to forget this part of her birth.  We only spent 10 minutes talking through her fears.  They weren’t paralyzing fears.

Or were they?  And if they were, was naming them all that was needed?  Could it have been that simple?

Seems like it.

She was satisfied to move on after naming her fears to us, taking the brave step of putting them on paper, and hearing our acknowledgement of them.

We left for the hospital 45 minutes later.

She never mentioned fear again during her birth although she did ask for a pep talk once in that same “slumber party” tone.

Undoubtedly, fear impacts birth.  There are several studies that correlate the mom’s level of fear with outcomes.

In some cases, the presence of someone else who is afraid can affect the labor.

Birth is a process driven by hormones.  Fear should remain a wallflower in this delicate dance.

What are some ways you worked through your fears before or during labor?  If you’re a birth worker, what works for your clients/students?

And I really want to hear from some of you!  My stats counter tells me I’ve got readers.  Share your wisdom, if you please.

• Swimming in cold rivers
• Long, highwaisted sundresses
• Henna on my feet
• Blackberries
• And afterwards, not worrying that my newborn would be cold
• Sitting on the porch swing with a naked baby
• Easy-to-nurse-in clothes

Ah, such sweet memories.  And then, one of my favorite August births was my sister’s homebirth.  Oh, and there was Jenni’s surprise homebirth–another favorite!  And roller-derby Coral, who tripped over her giant newfoundland and began a fast and furious birthing.  Lara’s first birth, 0-10 in a few hours.  I love August births.

Guess what?

I have no doula clients for August this year!  Where are they?  I’m looking at that empty calendar and wondering what the month will bring.

Will they be homebirths?

First time parents?

Planned cesarean?

Super-speedy or slow as molasses?

Start-and-stop or get down to business?

Twins?

Will they need me much or will I simply witness?

Will I make some blunders?

It is so personal, the matching of family to doula.  But once paired, I put great faith in our shared purpose.

I wonder who will teach me and whom will I serve in the powerful month of August.

August rushes by like desert rainfall,
A flood of frenzied upheaval,
Expected,
But still catching me unprepared.

      –Elizabeth Maua Taylor

Here is a sneak peak:

The pressure waves were now seemingly right on top of each other and much, much stronger. As weird as it sounds, my heart felt gratitude towards them. I think this is one of the main principles of Hypnobabies that really became engrained in my mind and heart and helped me through labor. These powerful sensations were taking over my entire being in order to help our baby come to us safely, and soon! My “aah”ing became more intense, but again, as strange as it may sound, I can honestly say that pain was still not the sensation that I was feeling. 

Enjoy!  And congratulations Rachel and Colin!

P.S. I have only two spaces remaining in my June/July class.

She went from being told “You’re just not good at being pregnant” to having a beautiful homebirth.

She went from listening to the “Baby Stay In” hypnosis script to the “Baby Come Out!” script.

She went from previous preterm births to full term.She went from feeling fear to empowerment.

Enjoy!

Her body was strong.  Her mind was sharp.  She carried a gun.

Thankfully not during her labor.

Her motto was “To serve and protect.”

When I walked into her home, shaking off the adrenaline from my speedy drive, I found her deep in her labor dance.  She was leaning over her bed and swaying her hips.

Things had moved rapidly since I’d visited her that morning.  That morning we had laughed about her spacey contractions and she prepared to go shopping.

It was 4pm.

The first words she said, “I’m not strong like you.  I can’t do it.”

“Crazy talk.  You are MUCH stronger than I am.  And you ARE doing  it.”

Her husband, who also carried a gun, was mastering the fine art of the double-hip squeeze.  I caught his eye and sent him telepathic messages:  she is close.

And she was.  I arrived during mom’s transition stage; when her body was releasing adrenaline to prepare for pushing.

And there was a problem.  This beautiful police officer, in that strong police officer voice that I’ve spent a lifetime respecting says, “I want an epidural.  I am not leaving this room.  I’m absolutely not getting in the car.  I can’t.”

I look to her husband but he is suddenly very involved in double hip-squeezing.

I’m on my own.  My usual pep talk with murmurs of encouragement fly out the window.  This woman is practical.  I give it to her straight.

• A) I’ll call a midwife and we’ll have the baby right here.
• B)  I’ll call an ambulance.
• C)  We will walk to the hospital you did not want to use (1 mile away)
• D)  We walk downstairs, get in the car, and drive to your hospital and your doctor.  (45 minutes away)

Negotiations begin.

I know we don’t have time for negotiations.  I channel my inner police officer.

I send Dad to load and cool the car.  He also fortifies himself with a Red Bull.

When Dad returns, I give him “the look” and I run to transfer my things to their car.  This birth will be my first time driving the getaway car!  Usually I follow in my car but this one is too dicey.

Somehow Dad gets her into the car and we’re off.

I’m driving two police officers to the hospital.  And one is pushing!

Holy cow, what a ride.  Mom is on her knees with her faced smushed up to the window.  Dad is still rocking the double-hip squeeze.  I’m handing back a chux pad in anticipation of her water breaking.

We were still a good 25 minutes from the hospital when the pushing sounds began.

Then I hit stupid Wade Hampton Rd.

When I pull up to the hospital doors, I jump out, grab mom, and bolt.  I hear knocking and look back to find Dad stuck in the backseat which can only be opened from the outside!  I rush back and let him out.

We get upstairs, there is flurry, there is some chaos.  Mom is a VBAC so there is extra flurry and extra chaos.  I catch the eye of a nurse I know and mouth “which room?” while Dad deals with check-in.  She points and I go.  As soon as we walk in, Mom’s water breaks.  I strip her clothes and toss on a gown.

She crawls into the bed on her knees.  Baby crowns.  I hear one of the nurses say to another, “I’ve never done one in this position.”  Too late.

The nurse receives the baby, mom flips overs and takes baby.  No one clamps the cord until the OB arrives 10 minutes later.  I guess the OB has to have something to do, right?  She doesn’t even get to suture since Mom’s perineum is perfectly intact.

Baby was born 15 minutes after we pulled in.

This woman’s first birth:  a 40 week induction + cesarean + NICU.

Second birth:  a quick birth without assistance.

“I think that women can be just completely surprised by the change in them from giving birth—you have something powerful in you—that fierce thing comes up—and I think babies need moms to have that fierceness—you feel like you can do anything and that’s the feeling we want moms to have.” –Ina May Gaskin, midwife

Adoring: my May clients. Two beautiful families. Their births will be extraordinary.

Listening to:

Proud of: my students and the amazing, outside-the-norm births they experience!

Never Leaving Home Without: My LifeFactory bottle filled with coconut water, chlorophyll, and lemons.

Appreciating: coffee

Nostalgic about: gluten. Oh how I miss it. I’ve been gluten-free for four whole days.

Reading: Little Women with Norah. The Easter Bunny is bringing her tickets to the musical.

Buying: Vitamins and herbs. This family is consuming some serious supplements of late.

Drinking: green tea. Trying to get three cups a day.

Working on: A new blog look. This one has long grown stagnant.

Wishing: Cedar would decide to poop on the potty. I threw away a cloth diaper the other day because I just couldn’t make myself clean it. Shhhhh…don’t tell anyone.

Giddy about: hmmm. I can’t think of anything. I need more giddy in my life of late.

Feeling: Heavy for my dear friend who will be sending off her Airman to faraway places.

Missing: my computer. It crashed last night. As much as I would like to say the iPad satisfies, it falls short in areas like blogging, creating Facebook events, creating documents, working with media files. I would like to insert a picture in this post. Alas, I don’t know how.

Grumpy that: my poor missionary sister in Cambodia gets to see Hunger Games before I do.

Let me keep my mind on what matters,

which is my work,

which is mostly standing still

and learning to be astonished.

–Mary Oliver

Preparing for a Smooth Hospital Birth (2009)

Doulas and Cesarean Birth (2011)

Dads and Doulas (2010)

Sacred Moments (2011)

I Heart My Perineum (2010)

A Word or Two about Homebirth (2009)

Accepting Your Birth Environment (2009)

Why I Wish Doulas Didn’t Exist (2008)