Category Archives: Doula

Catch my breath

Posted on December 5, 2011 by juliebyers

I’m still here! Happenings:

I had an epic birth to end the year. 40+ hours unmedicated and unaugmented with 5 hours of pushing! Births like those affect everyone in attendance. Watching a woman of determination and faith. Witnessing her power. Oh, it was incredible. I hope she’ll permit me to blog a bit more about it.

I’m prepping to spend almost three weeks in Thailand and Cambodia. Skulking around “travel with children” forums. It seems there are two attitudes regarding flying with children. 1) Don’t. Children are demon spawn and belong in the cargo hold. or 2) “I’ve never had a problem with my children because they (and I) am perfect.” When kids misbehave, it is clearly the parent’s fault.

There are also strong, judgemental opinions on medicating children for flights. So, will I be medicating my fiery 2-year old who freaks out when riding an elevator? Well, I won’t be sharing it here! Too many strong opinions on that one!

I’m teaching two classes this week. Tomorrow (Tuesday) is “Sleeping Like a Baby” and this weekend is “Positive Discipline for Toddlers and Preschoolers.” While I’m an educator for the first class, I’m a facilitator for the second. In other words, I would not presume to teach discipline. Ha! I’m simply facilitate learning for that one! See the difference?

Norah’s birthday is this weekend. She doesn’t like change so that makes it easy. We simply replicate what we do every year. Small, family gathering. Scott will leave a scavenger hunt for her while he is at work. I’m tentatively adding a few changes. Norah does not approve of a hot chocolate bar but I’m doing it anyway.

I put together a “Breastfeeding Support Basket” for an online auction. My friend, Rachel, is adopting. Go bid! The auction closes Dec. 9!

Scott is spending his spare hours playing Santa in his workshop. I love the smell of wood shavings.

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Posted in Breastfeeding, Doula, Family, Parenting and tagged adoption auction, Birth, greenville parenting classes, travel with children. Bookmark the permalink.

New Blooper Added

Posted on November 19, 2011 by juliebyers

Added number ten to the Blooper Page:

10) I was the first to arrive at a homebirth. When I walked in, I noticed all the signs of labor: childbirth books open on the floor, half-eaten dinner on the table, hypnosis script playing, tub full of water. But I did not find signs of the couple. I searched every room in the house. Looked in the backyard and garage. Called out, “hellooooo?” Where were they? Ambulance transport? I called the midwife who was on her way and said, “What is going on??” She was as shocked as I was. Then the dad pokes his head down the stairs and waves. I hang up with the midwife and rush upstairs. And still couldn’t find them!! Looked in all the rooms again. Turns out I was standing three feet away (twice!) but didn’t see them in a tiny space around a corner. P.S. she had her baby an hour after I walked in the house.

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Doula Performance Anxiety

Posted on November 15, 2011 by juliebyers

I used to get performance anxiety before births. Probably the first two or three years I was a doula, I would have butterflies in my stomach and sometimes dread while waiting for the labor call. I had to make a music playlist called “Oxytocin” to try to override the adrenaline while driving to the birth. For some reason, “Ventura Highway” always calmed me.

I’m sure I’m not the only doula who has felt this way. I know I’ve gotten calls and texts from new doulas on their way to a birth. So let’s talk about it.

You Can’t Script It: When we walk into a birth space, there is no way to predict what we might be doing over the next hours. I have found myself in the strangest positions. I’ve twisted my body into odd shapes, slept in weird chairs, dirty danced with a laboring woman, gotten in the shower fully clothed, and stood on a hospital bed. I’ve said words that I never could have rehearsed and followed rituals that I never could have created. This inability to prepare used to drive me nuts. Now I roll with it. Things that may help:

Wear clothes that are comfortable no matter your position. No one wants a doula worrying about her butt crack or bra strap. So do some yoga in your clothes first and see if they pass the test.
Have a well-organized and well-stocked bag. I rarely use anything in my bag. But I have less anxiety when I know I have it.
Eat, drink, and pee. Basic, I know. But I’ve failed to do those things at births and gotten foggy/grumpy/dizzy. Since you can’t predict how long you’ll be there, eat at regular intervals. I tell my clients in advance that I will make sure everyone is fed and that includes me.

It Is Not A Performance: I think this one is so difficult. We are hired help. Clients have expectations of us. We want to do a good job. But performance suggests that we are on stage. We’re not. We are not! It does not matter what the midwife, doctor, nurse, or mother-in-law thinks about us. Our role is to hold the space for the mom, provide support to her and her partner, and keep them center stage. At the end of the birth, the mom should say, “I did it!” I really don’t want her to say, “I couldn’t have done it without you.” Things that may help:

Meditate on service. I have a few rituals on my drive to a birth. I pray. And specifically, I pray that I will be a servant. I pray that my ego will be put aside. That I won’t try to impress anyone. I also listen to birth affirmations. These help me focus.
Release the outcome and the path to it. The doula does not get to make decisions. Nope. Not our role. My perfect birth is just that. Mine. Not my client’s.

There Is No Instruction Manual: Sure we have doula trainings, books, and seminars. They can teach techniques. I remember one of my early births (I’d never even met the mom before), the midwife literally took my hands and showed me how to massage the mom’s legs. Another time a doula took my hands and showed me where to press for counterpressure. Oh, how I worried I would do it all wrong. Then I realized that it really is intuitive. I’m always telling the laboring woman to trust her instincts. I had to learn to trust my own. Things that may help:

Have someone you can call or text when you have no idea what to do. It is always helpful to talk it through with another birth professional when you’re stuck. I think there may even be a small book called The Pocket Doula that might be helpful. Don’t read it in front of the client, though!
Be confident. Channel it. No one wants skittish hands or a questioning voice when she’s birthing. It doesn’t matter if you feel confident. Fake it. Stay cool, calm, collected. Grounded.
Try not to overthink it. It isn’t rocket science. Birth is a pretty simple and straight-forward bodily process. It uses some of the same muscle movements as digestion. Most births would work just fine if no one was around. So maybe you don’t need to DO anything. Or SAY anything. Maybe you should just knit in the corner.

Remember that adrenaline does not often serve you well in a birthing environment. Go outside and do some jumping jacks to get rid of it if you must. Breathe deeply. Take some motherwort tincture. Stretch.

You were chosen to attend this birth and this family. There is nothing to fear.

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Favorite Part

Posted on October 13, 2011 by juliebyers

An hour or so after one of my clients gave birth, she looked at me and asked, “What is your favorite part about being a doula?”

Before I answer, I will tell you what is not my favorite part.

Some people think I’m a doula because I adore babies and want to squish their widdle cheeks. And they imagine I get to hold them all the time. As if I chose my profession to get a newborn fix.

If you knew me before I was a doula, you would laugh. I was the person at the office party that stoutly refused to hold the baby du jour. Even as a high-demand teen babysitter, I took my little sister along to change the diapers. When I found myself pregnant, I was horrified by how little I knew about babies and how to handle them.

No, I did not become a doula because of babies.

Now don’t get me wrong. I love babies (now). I can swaddle them like a Moe’s burrito or wrap them to their mama using 15 feet of fabric in 30 seconds flat. I know the 5 s’s. I have a three-point lesson on just about any baby subject. Ask Emily who called today because her 10 month old is biting while nursing.

But these babies aren’t mine. You won’t see many pictures of me holding my client’s babies. I won’t refuse but I will not ask. I don’t view newborns as individuals yet. They are a couple–mama and baby. Attached as firmly as if the umbilical cord was still intact. If I do find myself holding a baby on the day of his birth, I’m extremely anxious to reunite baby with mama.

As I looked as this woman with her dreamy post-birth smile, I could answer without hesitation:

My favorite part about being a doula is seeing a woman in her strength and power give birth. In this single act, she shows courage, joy, sacrifice, faith, resolve, exhilaration, vulnerability, generosity, and above all, love. It is such an honor to be invited to witness and support women on such a journey. That, my friends, is a fix.

I had to laugh when I looked at this picture from my last birth. I was leaving and someone asked to take my picture. What am I holding? A baby? Nope.

A placenta.

Yep, I’m much more likely to be holding a placenta than a baby. Up next, placenta prints!

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Openings

Posted on October 10, 2011 by juliebyers

I have a last-minute opening for my October 20-Dec 1 childbirth class. The class was full but one of my students is not able to take the class. We’ll meet in Greer. Please email me if you are interested! j_byers (at) bellsouth (dot) net.

And I have an opening for a doula client in February. Please contact me if you would like to discuss hiring a doula for that month.

Thanks!

Laura Curry is a Super-Doula

Posted on October 1, 2011 by juliebyers

An amazing doula in my community is offering free doula services to wives/partners of deployed military personnel.

Wow.

Working as a doula takes personal sacrifice and commitment when you are being paid. To serve as a gift is an incredible shout-out worthy act.

Go check her out. And please pass along her website to a military spouse in need of birth support.

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Doulas and Cesarean Birth

Posted on September 6, 2011 by juliebyers

I’m certainly no expert on etiquette in the operating room but I’ve learned a few helpful things for us non-medical folks over the years.

100% of the time, when my client makes the cesarean decision, she is told that only her partner can go into surgery with her. I’ve learned to question that policy. Usually I’m still left alone in the L&D room staring forlornly at the remains of their labor scene. But perhaps six times now (and three of those happened this year) I accompanied the couple past those double doors. To the operating room.

1) How can a doula get an invitation?

Ask. Ask quietly but with confidence. Let them know it isn’t your first rodeo. Ask everyone. Ask the nurse. Ask the OB. Ask a passing nurse in the hallway. The first answer will probably be “no.” The nurse and OB usually defer to the anesthesiologist. Why this god of the operating room gets to make the call, I have no idea. But s/he does. I’ve found that the nurse and OB often “forget” about my request. So I ask again.

I remember talking with an OB after a vaginal birth once. I mentioned that I was never allowed into the OR at this particular hospital but XYZ hospital down the road usually let me. She replied, “Huh! I never thought about inviting the doula to come back. I bet that would be good for the patient. You be sure and ask me next time that happens.” P.S. I remember a previous birth with her when I DID ask. She said, “no.” Sigh. See, they “forget.”

“Would you ask the anesthesiologist to make an exception and let me go with my client? I’ve been allowed to back before. ” Repeat. Repeat again.

Before the cesarean, the client may want to make her special requests to the OB (delayed cord clamping, dad to announce gender, keep the placenta, etc). Of course, you might also remind staff of these choices in the moment. Just in case they forget.

2) What will you wear to the party?

Usually I’m given the same paper scrubs as the dad. They may be huge. I’ve had to tie knots in the back of the shirt 1980’s style. Once a kind nurse brought me cloth scrubs in my size. It was wonderful! Mainly because I was wearing the same color and fashion of all the other masked nurses and had more freedom to move about the OR. Doula undercover.

You’ll also get a fancy shower cap, mask, and covers for your shoes. Strangely, no gloves. But there is usually a hand sanitizer pump just inside the operating room. I use it just to be on the safe and clean side.

3) Confessions of a wallflower

You will be ushered to a stool beside the mom’s head. Maybe once or twice, I was directed to stand. This is the time for grace. No tripping over your feet or craning your neck for a view. Prove to the anesthesiologist and/or nurse anesthetist that you’re one of the cool kids. Sit. Meekly. Hands folded. No snapping pictures yet. Perhaps a nod to the medical staff.

Mom will be lying flat on her back with her arms outstretched. Often her arms will be strapped down. There will be a curtain between mom’s chest and her belly. When I’m standing, I have to stand on my tiptoes to see anything on the other side. I do not recommend standing on tiptoes. See earlier mention of grace.

4) The popular kids in the room

Sitting/standing behind mom is the nurse anesthetist and/or anesthesiologist. This person is monitoring mom’s vitals. You want this person to like you. This is the aforementioned god of the OR.

The OB is below the curtain with his/her surgical assistant(s). Sometimes a student and an attending are chatting in the background as in the picture below. Classy.

Mom’s labor and delivery nurse is there. Often with an L&D nurse who is on cesarean duty.

Near a baby warmer is a pediatrician and a baby nurse. See them in the background? Try to look beyond the bloody gauze in a hanging shoe organizer bag. No, it isn’t really a shoe organizer bag. But it surely looks like one hanging there.

5) When the party is in full swing

Once the surgery is underway, I sort of inch my way out of the stool and move away from mom’s head. I want to get some pictures of something other than a blue curtain. This part is when I’m in ask-forgiveness-rather-than-permission mode. This part is also how I’ve managed to watch and photograph from below the curtain. Just call me Sneaky McSneakerson.

During this time, partner stays right by the mom. There isn’t any physical support that can be offered during this time. Mom can’t have ice chips or a cool cloth. Her partner’s presence is THE essential support.

Of course the big moment is when the baby is lifted up over the curtain for mom to see. Often the partner is instructed to stand up to see this moment. The curtain is usually lowered a bit.

The OB passes the baby to a nurse. Baby goes to the warmer for the pediatrician to check. This is standard for cesarean. I switch places with the Dad so he can follow baby while I stay near to mom. I pass the camera to Dad.

And I giggle/cry/oooh/aaaah with the mom about the amazing baby. I describe what I see happening over at the warmer. “Aww, baby just got her first rectal temp. check.” Good stuff. If it is taking a long time, I will grab the camera back and show mom pictures of her baby.

Post-birth, I’ve also noticed that many moms experience pressure in their abdomen. Sometimes they are shaky or feel dizzy/nauseous. Blood pressure might drop. There isn’t much I can do except encourage and normalize her physical feelings. Or speak to the nurse anesthetist about what she is feeling.

6) Making your moves

Dear super doula, you can be a game-changer if you play the cards right and all the stars are aligned. You can sometimes get almost-immediate skin-to-skin contact for your client. If the pediatrician and the nurse anesthetist/anesthesiologist agree, your humble request may be granted. You may have to pinky swear you’ll hold the baby in place especially if they are unwilling to unstrap mom’s arms. And swear on your great-grandmother’s tomb that you will not let the baby get cold.

When your wish is granted, unsnap mom’s gown at the shoulders, expose some skin. There may be monitors stuck to her chest. Ignore them. Place baby skin-to-skin on mom’s chest, cover baby with a blanket, and then you or partner hold the baby there. Sometimes, against the hopes and dreams of the medical team, the precocious baby will even latch on to a breast while the OB sutures away below the curtain. Babies don’t know hospital policy.

It is tough to see since I pinky swore baby would stay covered by the blanket, but the picture below is a baby skin-to-skin.

However, please be attuned to mama during this time. She may have been vocal about skin-to-skin before the surgery. But a cesarean is a pretty big deal. And if she doesn’t feel able to hold her baby just then, encourage dad to hold on to baby (and not to let go!).

7) Last dance and farewells

Cesarean births can be a tad bloody. Expect to see bloody guaze, perhaps some blood on the floor. Sounds of suction. The smells can be strong especially if the OB uses a cautery. And it is a little unnerving when the OB and nurse count the instruments and gauze to double-check that nothing was left inside. I have plenty of pictures to illustrate my point but I think I’ll spare you.

Sometimes birth partner and doula are asked to return to the L&D room or recovery with the baby. If the nurse says to put the baby in the warmer in the room, I suggest dad strip his shirt off and do his own skin-to-skin with his offspring. Makes a nice picture for mom to see later.

Dad should be clear about mom’s wishes for possible baby procedures. If he isn’t sure and it is not an emergency, he would be wise to delay until mom is there.

At some point soon after, everyone is reunited. If I’m told the policy is only one person in recovery, I pretend I didn’t hear. Yep, I develop strange and sudden hearing loss. I melt into the background (those nurse scrubs sure could help!) or become indispensable to someone. I have not yet been kicked out of a room after the one-person-policy has been stated. The same technique works for epidural placements. Just pretend the rule doesn’t apply to you. “Hmmm? Who are they talking about? Not me, surely.” Or write intently in your client folder and don’t make eye contact. Be invisible.

Your job is now breastfeeding initiation. The L&D nurse or recovery room nurse will focus on mom’s blood pressure and other vitals. Sometimes mom needs to lie almost flat until her bp stabilizes. But babies can still nurse. You may need to hold a breast and hold a baby because mom might be weak or shaky. One client tells me she remembers very little of this time but she is thankful that someone was there to (literally) support her and baby.

I hope that helps some! Does anyone else have insights into the world of cesarean birth? Was your doula able to accompany you? What could have made your cesarean birth better? What can you add?

*And a big special thanks to the families who let me share these pictures!

ETA: By request, I’m adding a better picture of the shoe organizer. 🙂

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Please do not call yourself a doula if

Posted on August 6, 2011 by juliebyers

You leave a first-time mom when she chooses to get an epidural.

The doctor or midwife spends more time with your client than you do.

You charge extra when a woman labors longer than an allotted time.

You require the client to pay your back-up doula if you have to leave.

You charge extra for “false alarms.”

You are hired by the client but really you are the midwife’s apprentice/assistant disguising yourself as a doula (so that you get paid.). Of course, this is fantastic if you are truly working for the client. But it can be easy to focus too much on pleasing your preceptor and not as much on serving your client.

You tell the client you’re on your way to the hospital and inexplicably fail to show up.

You bring your children to the hospital and ask the client’s family who are in the waiting room to watch them.

You promise to back up a fellow doula but when she calls you have excuses why you cannot. And so does her other back-up. And even her THIRD back-up.

I am sure this offends some of my fellow birth workers and this post won’t win me any popularity contests. We are only human and sometimes there are unusual circumstances beyond our control. But these are real stories I’ve been told in the last few months by women and doctors/nurses who were disappointed by a doula. In my town. A place where the natural birth community is making headway in creating change. Scenes like these send us three steps back.

Birth is sometimes long. It is (usually) inconvenient. Yes, we don’t make as much money when we have to pay a back-up or a birth is long. But at the end of the day, remind youself that you also had some short births (I have many more now that I take Hypnobabies clients!) and scheduled births (thankfully these are rare). These births “subsidize” the long ones. Figure that factor into your fee. Consistently, at the end of each year, when I add up all the hours I spent at births, it averages out to around 12 hours per couple.

Please, dear doulas, stay with your client. Serve her well. We offer continuous care. What kind of message does it send when her doula leaves? Wow, my doula has even given up. Defeat.

We have been honored with an invitation to grace a sacred space. It is a timeless space. We do not punch a timecard. Our shift is not over until our healthy client is nursing her baby postpartum. This might be two hours after the birth or several weeks later. My summer client who birthed prematurely was finally able to nurse her baby after weeks and weeks of coaxing. Only now do I close the file.

I know it is a tough job. Burnout is high. Please weigh the cost of your commitments and represent your birth community with integrity.

And to the moms looking for a doula: read the contract carefully. The doula should list any extra fees and discuss refunds if she misses your birth. Ask how she handles long births and what her definition of long is. My contract, for example, states that after 24 hours, I might call in a back-up doula so that I can rest and return. I’ve never done this but my contract allows it if I must. Knock on wood.

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Good Thing She Wore Her Nike’s (Brady’s Story)

Posted on July 1, 2011 by juliebyers

[shared with permission]

Crain’s Birth Story is one that needs to be shared. I feel that our family and friends need to hear why Crain was born at home and hear how amazing that Saturday Morning was for us. Tyler and I had to make so many decisions with Crain’s birth; decisions that are not accepted by many, but in the end were the right ones for us and Crain.

There are two subjects that I do not share my opinion on with many people and those two subjects are religion and birth. If you are close to me you know how I feel about these two, but even so, I feel that people have the right to worship how they desire and women should be able to birth how they desire (medicated, un medicated, hospital or home).

In this birth story I am going to open up about my views, some will learn from the words that I write and the natural tendency of others will be to pass judgment, but either way you will hear the story of Crain’s birth and hopefully gain an understanding of our beliefs on birth.

Tyler and I enrolled in hypno-birthing classes for Crain’s birth. Julie was once again our guide during this pregnancy, and we learned so much in our classes. I did my Hypnobabies homework religiously and I feel that Crain’s birth benefited greatly from my hypno studies. I had been in the care of Dr. Stafford for this pregnancy. Dr. Stafford delivered Preston and I truly admire Dr. Stafford and I am very grateful to be in the care of such a hands on, awesome physician. But with all that said, Dr. Stafford cannot control hospital procedures and there was something in me that really did not want to fight to have the birth I wanted. I knew in the hospital, I would have to battle to have a true hypno birth, and so after going back and forth on the “homebirth idea” We connected with our midwife from the beginning and I felt calm and at peace about the homebirth idea after meeting with her. She was extremely knowledgeable about birth. So it was decided a Homebirth for Crain! We were excited and at peace with the idea, however; kept it a secret because I did not want to hear all the negative comments.

So May 7^th(Crain’s guess Date) came and no baby Crain, and boy oh boy how it made people mad that he was not here. I was determined to let Crain choose when and how he came into this world. But it was hard to be out of control and it taught me the first lesson of being a good parent, PATIENCE, and most of all it made me closer to my faith. I knew God was watching over us and I knew I was doing the right thing. I read quotes and scriptures every day and had faith I was making the right choice. Our birth team walked us through this wait and made me feel that it was normal when most everyone around us were asking when we were going to be induced, and when were “they” taking the baby, and don’t forget the people sharing with us why you should not carry your baby past it’s guess date. It was a long 14 days for many reasons, but looking back I am so proud of us for having faith and waiting on Crain. If I would have delivered in the hospital, I would have had to been induced and I am so happy I did not do that. Thank you to Tyler, my Mom, and my sister Laura for really talking me through those 14 days and being so supportive of me.

On Friday, May 20^th, I started feeling some Pressure waves, that’s hypno talk for contractions. I went to acupuncture and had a nice relaxing session. I texted my birth team and told them that I was having some pressure waves. In the meantime, my parents came up (I had not told them I was having pressure waves because I did not know if it was truly labor). That evening, the pressure waves still came and went; I listened to a Hypnobabies script before bed and decided to get some sleep. At midnight, I got up and walked around, got some water, and tried to go back to bed. Once again I listened to my easy first stage Hypnobabies script. At 2:00 am, I got up and was definitely feeling more intense pressure waves. I woke Tyler up and told him that they were getting a little intense. I got into the tub as Tyler timed the waves. Oh yeah, they were close together and getting stronger. Tyler stood by my side and he does not even have to say anything to me during birth, he looks at me and I regain focus, and I instantly feel calm. Tyler is my strength when I run out of it in labor.

We called Julie, but told her that she did not need to come yet and that we would call her back in an hour. Tyler woke my parents and they took Preston to Tyler’s parent’s house. My Mom knew of the homebirth, but I had just informed my Dad that evening when I thought I was in labor. I knew he would worry, but once again my Dad surprised me and handled it beautifully. I guess he trusts his “little Miss Magic”. At 3:00 am Tyler called Julie back and told Julie to call the midwife. Julie had already gotten her gear together and was on her way. My Pressure waves were strong and very close. I hummed during waves, yes I sounded like a dwarf from Snow White [note from Julie: the “hi-ho, hi-ho, its off to work we go” song], but you know that is what I love about a natural birth, if you let yourself go and let your body lead you, it does things to get you through birth. And my body apparently wanted me to hum, and so hum I did. I told Tyler to get my “Birthing Outfit”. Yes I like to look cute when I deliver! My birthing attire was a knit skirt and tank and most important my Nike’s.

[note: notice the wall behind her is covered with birthing affirmations]

Julie came in a little after 4:00 am. She just saw I had my Nike’s on and I remember she said “Oh you are ready!” I wore my Nike’s during my labor with Preston and would have delivered in them if the hospital would have let me! So with my outfit on and Nike’s laced, I was ready to go. [note from Julie: When things got intense with Preston’s birth, Brady ritualistically put on her Nike’s. I knew when I saw them on her feet, we would meet a baby soon. I got on the phone with the midwife and told her to hurry!]

I had had the urge to push a little right before Julie arrived. Now the urge was uncontrollable. Crain’s birth took over my body and of course my body knew just what to do. I remember feeling like I was just watching myself birth. You go to this whole entire different realm, or at least I did. It one of those experiences in life where you are not the driver, but the passenger and you let your body drive and have faith that it knows what to do.

I think my water broke at 4:45am or so and I remember saying “that felt great.” Crain’s birth was moving really fast and the midwife was not there, but I was not scared, I actually felt very calm. I had Tyler and Julie there, and it was really calm and peaceful. My pressure during pushes became really intense, so intense, and so difficult. The only position I was comfortable in was standing up. When I pushed it took over me and literally lifted me onto my tip toes (good thing I had that extra support from my Nike’s). I felt burning, and knew that Crain was coming, but it was happening so fast. I remember telling Tyler and Julie that I felt burning. I reached down and felt Crain’s head, and saw Tyler place his hands below. I pushed again, and my beautiful Crain was caught by his father’s hands, and my world stopped.

Crain laid in my arms and talked, instead of crying he talked and talked (you know baby cooing). He apparently had a story to tell me about where he had been for the past 40 weeks and 14 days. The midwife arrived within seconds. Our birth team took great care of me and Crain in the hours to come.

So why did we have a home birth? On May 21^st, 2011 at 4:53 am, Tyler caught our 9lb 6oz son with his strong hands in the comfort of our home. I had no nurse chasing me around trying to check me. I was free of wires and IV’s. I was able to have a true, calm Hypnobabies birth. I was not met with paperwork to fill out nor did I have a nurse counting for me while I pushed. I was able to place Crain directly on me after birth. Tyler and I did not have to fight for anything we desired for Crain’s birth. It was a calm, beautiful, safe birth. We have been asked if we worried or why we would take a “risk” of having Crain at home. To answer those questions yes, of course I worry. I worry about both my children, constantly. Did I worry about birthing him at home? No! I was in safe hands and I knew our birth team would never put me or Crain in an “unsafe” situation. As far as risk, you take a risk whether you are at a hospital or at home. Ironically, if you do some research and listen to other birth stories, sometimes hospitals and their many interventions put you and your baby at more risks. Tyler and I weighed the benefits and risks and in this situation; and the benefits outweighed the risks. Tyler and I educated ourselves and surrounded ourselves with birthing professionals. It saddens me that instead of excitement after Crain’s birth, most everyone’s first reaction was that of worry and judgment. I understand that this is not the “norm”, but to those I say open your minds to a new yet old way of birth, do some research on natural hospital births in the US, and have faith that people make decisions for all the right reasons, and be okay with women who choose to not be the “norm” when they birth their children. I certainly do not judge other woman on how they choose to have their child.

The coolest part of Crain’s birth is that I felt so connected to my faith. They say that God is present with every birth and by having Crain at home, and being surrounded by calm, supportive people, I felt the presence of God. It was truly the most incredible experience. I am so happy that I trusted my gut and stayed true to who I am, and had Crain the way Tyler and I wanted to. I look at Tyler and feel closer to him than I ever have; he truly is a great birth partner, and even a better husband and father. I know that I am a stronger wife and mother. I am proud of Crain’s birth, and do not look at his birth in any negative light. I look at his birth as a gift. Both of my boys gave me the gift of birth and I discovered if you open your body and mind to birth it is truly life changing. On May 21^st, 2011 at 4:53 am as Crain entered this world something in me changed, just as it did when Preston was born. I cannot describe the change; it is just the most amazing feeling, and I know it was because of how we brought both Preston and Crain into this world. I will never forget either one of their births, but especially Crain’s birth. I grew that day, and I am so glad that I experienced the gift of birth. Thank you to our birth team for supporting us, and helping us through this pregnancy. Without you guys I would not have had the experience I had, and for that I am forever grateful to all of you.

Crain still “talking” to his mama an hour after his birth:

[Note: Brady and Tyler made the challenging choice to change care providers and birth location at around 36 weeks. If your intuition is telling you to explore other options, it is never too late.]

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Inexplicable Ways