Miscarriage and Stillbirth

My miscarriage took me completely by surprise.  My first pregnancy was so ordinary and problem-free.  To suddenly be faced with a loss was overwhelming. 

One lesson I learned:  toxic thinking will happen right off the bat.  I thought things like–“Is God punishing me because we weren’t excited about this pregnancy?”  And, “Was it my fault?  Something I did?”  Fortunately, I got past the toxic thoughts. 

Another lesson:  One must not judge another person’s choices in miscarriage.  The big decision is often to have a D&C or wait for a natural completion.  Only the couple can make that decision and they don’t need advice unless they ask for it. 

Yet another lesson:  It is VITAL that friends/family acknowledge the loss of a baby.  Send a card, make a phone call, offer to help.

Links

SHARE:  a national organization for pregnancy and infant loss support.  I particular like their “rights” page.  You may also request a free info packet which comes with a year subscription to their newsletter.

The Compassionate Friends:  an international group supporting loss of a child (of any age).  There is a local group as well.

Silent Grief:  This site offers many articles and stories as well as an active chat room/message board.

Earth Mama, Angel Baby:  Wonderful gifts and memorials for a grieving family.  Also great resources.   

Little Angels Online Store:  A store of memory gifts. 

Things better left unsaid:

“Thank goodness you are young and can have more children” or “Thank goodness you have one healthy child already.” 

“It was God’s will.” 

“Well, it was probably for the best” followed by something about fetal abnormalities.

“It really wasn’t a baby yet anyway.”

Not sure what to do or say? 

I like this list of helpful ideas.