Monthly Archives: August 2011

Small Space Homeschooling

Posted on August 29, 2011 by juliebyers

Space is a hot commodity in our house.  Some of our poor hall closets have been repurposed five times in as many years.   One was Cedar’s “nursery” since we knew she’d sleep in our room for at least the first year.  And one even got absorbed into a recent room remodel.  So when it came time to commit to a homeschool space, of course, I was scoping out the weary closets.  I imagined a rolling cart of some sort that would appear during the day and disappear when we were finished. 

Then I remember a time when Scott and I were first married and had the tiniest kitchen space ever.  It was when we lived in the haunted farmhouse.  Have I ever mentioned that place?  No matter.  We needed a place for two to eat.  And we needed compact storage.  On a crazy impulse, I bought a china hutch that had a murphy-bed-ish table.  It seemed the perfect solution.  And it was.  Only it turned into our first REALLY awful, REALLY big marital argument.  Something about making big purchases without talking to the other person first.  Yada, yada. 

It would not be our last argument.

As time passed, the table was removed from the hutch, the chairs went to other rooms, and the hutch became merely a hutch. 

Until. 

I repurposed as my homeschool hideaway.

I think it will suit.  I can fold the table up when we’re not using the space to keep the destructive curious two-year old out.

Don’t think I don’t hear you veteran homeschool moms laughing.  Of course, I realize that soon my hideaway will spill out into the house and yard.  I know my house will reek of homeschool when guests come over for dinner.  But a girl can try, right?

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I have a two year old

Posted on August 19, 2011 by juliebyers

This morning at the grocery store, the teen bagging our groceries dared to touch our cart.

Oh dear.

You see, two year olds are on high alert for any possession infractions.  He crossed a line.

Cedar: MY CART! MY CART!

And she pushed the teen in the kneecaps.

For a moment, he flexed his muscles like he was going to engage. I intervened and we quickly left. However, as I pushed the cart out, Cedar snarls, “Get Your Hand Off!” Because, of course, two year olds not only own everything, they also can do anything.

I had good intentions of blogging Cedar’s birthday last week. I suppose I was busy running interference.

So the sum-up:

The child still sings Bob Marley and asks for the Ai-yai song (Buffalo Soldier) 52 thousand times a day. She’s a groovy lil bit, though, and will boogie to most tunes.

She has a high-pitched scream and a belly laugh. Her voice is husky. She has strong opinions about what is “pretty.”

Cedar prefers to be naked. And will strip anywhere, anytime, given half a chance.

She despises the potty. She hides her stand-alone potty and has chucked her potty seat at my head while screaming “no potty.” That said, if she is naked and needs to potty, she will bring me a “piper” to put on her.

Cedar sleeps through the night and slips into our bed each morning between 5am and 6am.

She still nurses. And I will not wean her until we complete the crazy trip to Asia in Dec/Jan. The other passengers on the 15 hour flight will appreciate my dedication to breastfeeding. And the dramamine cookies I plan to bake.

She reminds me of a sheepdog.  She likes things in their place.  When she wakes from a nap, she must walk the perimeter.  Last week, she woke and immediately noticed that Scott moved his truck while she slept.  It was a nightmare!  Screaming, pointing, and finally collapsing onto the floor.  And she herds other children.  If they leave the group, she must nip at their heels until they return to the fold.

The fights between Norah and Cedar are already the stuff of legends. 

Eating is a challenge.  I struggle to get veggies in her.  Especially green ones.  Her favorite foods are butter, cream, cheese, mayo, ranch dressing, candy, crackers, cookies.  And coffee.  I’m trying.  Really I am. 

While Norah always loved the dentist and the doctor, Cedar plots to assassinate them. 

She plunges into lakes without hesitating.  Climbs heights.  Already plays tricks.  Can work an iPad.  And recently said, “No Fair!” 

Happy Birthday to my spirited, quick, courageous, strong two-year old. 

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Please do not call yourself a doula if

Posted on August 6, 2011 by juliebyers

You leave a first-time mom when she chooses to get an epidural.

The doctor or midwife spends more time with your client than you do.

You charge extra when a woman labors longer than an allotted time.

You require the client to pay your back-up doula if you have to leave.

You charge extra for “false alarms.”

You are hired by the client but really you are the midwife’s apprentice/assistant disguising yourself as a doula (so that you get paid.). Of course, this is fantastic if you are truly working for the client. But it can be easy to focus too much on pleasing your preceptor and not as much on serving your client.

You tell the client you’re on your way to the hospital and inexplicably fail to show up.

You bring your children to the hospital and ask the client’s family who are in the waiting room to watch them.

You promise to back up a fellow doula but when she calls you have excuses why you cannot. And so does her other back-up. And even her THIRD back-up.

I am sure this offends some of my fellow birth workers and this post won’t win me any popularity contests. We are only human and sometimes there are unusual circumstances beyond our control. But these are real stories I’ve been told in the last few months by women and doctors/nurses who were disappointed by a doula. In my town. A place where the natural birth community is making headway in creating change. Scenes like these send us three steps back.

Birth is sometimes long. It is (usually) inconvenient. Yes, we don’t make as much money when we have to pay a back-up or a birth is long. But at the end of the day, remind youself that you also had some short births (I have many more now that I take Hypnobabies clients!) and scheduled births (thankfully these are rare). These births “subsidize” the long ones. Figure that factor into your fee. Consistently, at the end of each year, when I add up all the hours I spent at births, it averages out to around 12 hours per couple.

Please, dear doulas, stay with your client. Serve her well. We offer continuous care. What kind of message does it send when her doula leaves? Wow, my doula has even given up. Defeat.

We have been honored with an invitation to grace a sacred space. It is a timeless space. We do not punch a timecard. Our shift is not over until our healthy client is nursing her baby postpartum. This might be two hours after the birth or several weeks later. My summer client who birthed prematurely was finally able to nurse her baby after weeks and weeks of coaxing. Only now do I close the file.

I know it is a tough job. Burnout is high. Please weigh the cost of your commitments and represent your birth community with integrity.

And to the moms looking for a doula: read the contract carefully. The doula should list any extra fees and discuss refunds if she misses your birth. Ask how she handles long births and what her definition of long is. My contract, for example, states that after 24 hours, I might call in a back-up doula so that I can rest and return. I’ve never done this but my contract allows it if I must. Knock on wood.

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