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Archive for November, 2008

Abolition

Posted by Inexplicable Ways on November 26, 2008

[Guest Post from my sister]

It was my senior year at Southern Wesleyan when I first heard about human trafficking.  I don’t know if you remember the first time you heard about the fact that slavery still exists in our world.  I don’t know if it struck you the way it struck me.  Maybe this is the first time you are hearing of the enslavement of millions of people who are made in the image of God.  If so, read on!  If you know about modern slavery and you feel paralyzed by the overwhelming statistics, my hope is not to drill more statistics into your head so that you feel even more discouraged, but rather empower you to feel you can do something. 

Maybe you don’t care.  You have more pressing issues in your life.  I know.  I don’t understand where you are or what you’re going through.  When you are hurting, it is so hard to even begin to hurt for others.  As a counselor, my deepest desire would be to walk with you from point A to Z, to be with you on your journey of healing.  If this is your place, maybe you can find someone to help you heal.  Because being a part of redeeming the lives of those participating in and victims of injustice is, I dare say, the most fulfilling work on the planet.  And I don’t want you to miss it.

100_0425My journey began in the spring of 2003 when I had lunch with Dr. Joanne Lyon, the executive director of World Hope International.  I was a psychology major and I really wanted to do counseling.  I felt drawn to women and children in distress, victims of violence and abuse.  Dr. Lyon began to tell me about Cambodia and the problem of commercial sexual exploitation.  She talked about the need for mental health professionals to work with these girls after they had come out of prostitution.  I wept that night.  It was the first time I had heard about modern slavery.  A little over a year later, I boarded a plane for Cambodia.  My assignment was to assist in the set up an assessment center–the first place children rescued from slavery would be brought.  The first rescue of three little girls took place in June 2005.  Today, the center has served hundreds of girls who are victims of rape or commercial sex trafficking. 

Worldwide, there are nearly two million children in the commercial sex trade (UNICEF).  Human trafficking is the world’s third largest criminal enterprise, following drugs and weapons (U.S. Dept of State).  Slavery is particularly lucrative because while a drug may only be sold once, a human can be sold over and over again.  There may be as many as 27 million slaves in the world today and it is believed that half are minors (U.S. Dept of State).  And slavery isn’t some third world problem.  The U.S. is currently home to an estimated 175,000 slaves.

So what will you do?  How will you be an abolitionist?  Would you choose just one item from the list below?  Something you could do to spread awareness, stop the trade, redeem a life?

Learn more.  Download the Trafficking In Persons report from the U.S. Department of State or visit the Polaris Project.

Talk to your friends, your children, or your co-workers about modern slavery.  I know it isn’t light conversation but haven’t we all had enough of that?

Read books like Disposable People, Enslaved:  True Stories of Modern Day Slavery, The Natashas, or Children at War

Watch movies like Born into the Brothels, Blood Diamond, or Human Trafficking

Sign up for the latest news on sexual trafficking here and here.

Hang anti-trafficking posters in your business, church, or local community boards.  Victims, potential victims, and those who may know them can see the victim hotline with instructions in their language.  Posters are available for free download here. 

Blog about human trafficking.

Teach youth and young adults about the link between the sex industry and slavery.  Adults Saving Kids offers a complete curriculum for youth. 

Ask your legislators what they have done to stop slavery in your state.  If they haven’t done a thing…offer to provide information.  Give them a nudge. 

Create and Distribute anti-trafficking stickers, buttons, or t-shirts.  Cafepress is an easy way to print your issues.  Or order from a cafepress store already established.

Serve as a volunteer.  Organizations like FAAST welcome volunteers who can do research, write, design, organize, or staff events.  Or use your skills to serve vocationally–either short term or long. 

Buy “slave-free” goods.  Buy rugs carrying the Rugmark symbol.  Buy coffee, tea, and cocoa labeled “fair trade.”  Ask stores to stock these items.  Encourage your church or business to serve fair trade coffee.  Provide your faith community with info about coffee campaigns

Give gifts purchased from places like Ten Thousand Villages or Go Fish.  Or choose an alternative gift like this.

Do something.  Become an abolitionist.  It matters.

Posted in Social Justice | Tagged: , , , , | 3 Comments »

Someone Loves My Beans

Posted by Inexplicable Ways on November 24, 2008

By request from some of the ladies working with my hubs:

Beans:  The quick way–buy a bag of 15 bean mix at the grocery store.  My personal quirk:  I pick out the garbanzo beans because I don’t like them (with other beans).  The better way–head to the Greenville Farmers Market and mix up your own assortment of dried beans in bulk.  No pesky garbanzo beans that way!  Soak the beans overnight so you can quickly cook them when you get home from work.  If you don’t have enough time (because you forgot to soak like I always do), substitute with lentils.  They don’t require soaking and cook up quickly.

The add-ins:  The quick way–toss in a packet of dried soup mix like onion or veggie.  Do not use the flavor packet that came with your store bought beans.  The better way–chop up some veggies in a food processor or chopper.  I like carrots, onions, celery, zucchini, squash, garlic, peppers.  Whatever you have on hand, toss in!  Throw in spices like onion powder, dill, chives, parsley, turmeric, pepper.  Salt to taste.  

Serving:  The quick way–carry the pot to the table and serve!  The better waygrind some flax and mix in before serving to add an extra nutritional punch.  I use a coffee grinder for flax but you can buy it already ground.  Serve beans over whole grain brown rice, bulgar, or barley.

I’m sure it gets old for my family, but I use the same basic plan for any brown bean I serve (kidney, lentil, crowder, field, etc).  Rice and beans are a staple at our house. 

Enjoy ladies!

Posted in Food | Tagged: | 4 Comments »

Yes-children

Posted by Inexplicable Ways on November 23, 2008

“We make fun of what used to be called ‘yes-men’ at the office, those deferential employees who never disagree with the boss, so what makes us think that ‘yes-children’ would be ideal?”  –Alfie Kohn Unconditional Parenting

It is my annual re-reading of my parenting manifesto.  I’ve been thinking about my long-term goals for Norah.  What characteristics are most important to shape?  And are my day-to-day actions mirroring these long-term goals?  Or am I simply trying to get by and create a child most convenient for the moment? 

My long-term goal is not obedience.  Nope.  Not at all.  I want an independent thinker.  One day, she’s going to be a teenager (excuse me while I scream!) and she’ll have all sorts of authoritative voices around her.  I certainly don’t want her obeying her creepy karate instructor when he asks her to stay after class and I definitely don’t want her obeying her peers when they ask her to try some new chemical candy.  I don’t want her to absorb everything her college professors tell her.  I want to teach my child to discern, to question, to weigh, and to decide for herself.  Ultimately, I pray she makes good decisions but it is important to me that she understands why she is making them.  And that is something I cannot force. 

So what does that look like in the day-to-day raising of an almost three year old?  Wooo.  Tricky.  And frustrating.  And time-consuming.  And hard.  And rewarding. 

And the icing on the cake–most of the research (both recent and dating all the way back to the 1950′s) shows me that the happy side-effect of this type of parenting is obedience.  By not punishing, rewarding, or controlling, I get a child who both thinks for herself and is more likely to obey me.  Score!

Posted in Parenting | Tagged: , , , | 3 Comments »

Witnessed at the Grocery Store

Posted by Inexplicable Ways on November 20, 2008

Why do you see the worst parenting at the grocery store? 

Like today.  Some negligent mom was loading up on one of her favorite flours which happens to be on sale this week.  I mean, I guess it was her favorite flour.  Anyway, so her kid (who looked to be a month shy of 3 yrs old) climbs under the cart on her hands and knees.  Again, this mom is just ho-humming it across the aisle–totally oblivious.  And her kid’s knees slip through the grate on the bottom of the cart.  You guessed it.  Kid is stuck.

Small towns love this kind of drama.  The crowd that gathered was quick to offer all sorts of helpful solutions.  One even suggested calling the fire department.  Strangely not a single grocery store employee offered to help.

I have to say, that kid was really cute.  She was saying, “I don’t need help, anybody.  It’s not very comfy.  But don’t touch me.”  

This mom clearly doesn’t deserve such a brilliant and calm kid.  I guess maybe 20 minutes passed before the tot was finally free.  She only yelled when anyone touched her.  Independent little thing was determined to “do it by myself.” 

Sheesh.  I hope that mom learned a lesson.  I would be mortified if that happened to me.  

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Posted in Parenting | 7 Comments »

Not that I Ever Use Motrin

Posted by Inexplicable Ways on November 16, 2008

itemWhen I first heard that Motrin was bashing babywearing, I thought the momsphere was overreacting.  And since I apparently don’t have some component installed on my computer that would let me view the commercial online, I put it out of mind.

Then.  Then, I read the transcript for motrin’s “I mean, in theory, it’s a great idea” commercial.  Are you serious?  Insensitive on so many levels.  Don’t companies realize that it is never a good idea to question parenting choices?  Nothing makes women angrier than someone (especially a corporation) questioning their choices.  Motrin actually has a computer animated mom saying that even though babywearing hurts, it makes her “look like an official mom.”  Good grief.   

For the record, lugging the heavy carseat carrier = backache. 

Using a simple piece of woven cloth to support my baby in my arms = sanity.

By the way, women have known this little ”theory” for hundreds of years.  Long before motrin…

Psst…want to see more pictures of mamas and papas sporting comfortable carriers?  Check out our local babywearing group’s gallery.

ETA:  Thanks to a massive backlash, motrin has removed the ad.  It will still run in ads that have already been printed.  If you want to see the fuss and missed the motrin.com link, find it here on youtube.

Posted in Babywearing, Blech, Products and Gear | Tagged: , | 2 Comments »

Elizabeth’s Hypnobirth

Posted by Inexplicable Ways on November 16, 2008

[Shared with permission]

 

On February 18, 2008, I donated blood at the local blood connection.  I randomly asked the phlebotomist, “What happens if you give blood and you are pregnant?”  The response was, “You may miscarry?”.  Well, you can guess that I took a test the next morning, February 19, 2008.  I took a pregnancy test at 6:30 am, 7:30 am, 8:30 am, and 9:30 am.  Interesting they all said that same thing, pregnant.  I told my husband that night by putting a pregnancy test in the bottom of a chocolate tin.  I told him I had something sweet for him. What an exciting time!  We are going to be parents. 

 

On June 9, 2008 we found out we were having a girl, wait, no a boy.  The technician was in training and misread the ultrasound initially. Yeah, a little drummer boy.  What a blessing to see a life growing inside you.  Every precious flutter, kick, and roll made me more aware that I was going to be a mommy.   clip_image0021

 

We had a lot of decisions to make.  One conversation was taken care of for us, finances.  On March 7, 2008, we became debt free thanks to prayer and God’s gift of teaching to Dave Ramsey.  The next were labor options and support.  We wanted no medical intervention so I needed to find different ways to deal with the pressure waves of labor and delivery.  We tossed around the idea of a birthing doula for some time.  I loved the concept, but pride stepped in.  My independent self didn’t want any help. My husband, the free spirit, stated that you only give birth once to this child and the doula would help us both, especially him.  He had a great point since I was more nervous about his response during labor and delivery than my own.  Luckily I had a friend, Julie Byers, that is a doula so I automatically felt comfortable.  I also wanted to integrate hypnobirthing.  My employers contract psychologist, Dr. Wood, did sessions with several fellow employees that swear by this self-hypnosis technique.  You use your natural instincts to bring about a safer, easier, more comfortable birthing experience.  Hypnobirthing is incorporating deep relaxation techniques where some mothers report little or no pain.  Dr. Wood is very limited about what clients he takes on, but prayerfully I was one of them.  Last was our OB and hospital.  In the beginning we put no thought into where to birth and what doctor, but after seeing five of the OB’s at Highlands Center for Women and taking the Greenville Memorial tour, we were very troubled.  We received a negative vibe with these places because they advocate medical intervention and we were afraid that our birthing plan would not be carried out at these facilities.  My doula recommended Dr. Stafford and Greer Memorial. I was nervous about a male doctor since I had never seen a male doctor and I was also nervous about the drive to Greer in the urgency of labor.  After much prayer and research, we felt a peace that we cannot explain so we decided to change facilities.

 

The due date was set for October 24, 2008 and when that date rolled around and no baby, we became very disappointed, but what a time to reflect on God’s goodness.   We were taught patience and trust as this little baby was 13 days post due.  On the night of November 5, 2008, I was admitted to the hospital and was scheduled to begin the induction at 6:00 am on November 6, 2008.  I kept telling everyone, that he would come on his own.  My husband and I prayed and prayed he would.  I was told if I went into labor before 6:00 am, they would cancel the pitocin.  At 5:30 am, I started having contractions at 4-5 minutes apart lasting a minute.  I told Russ to call our doula.  When they checked me, I was at 4 cm. The pitocin was canceled.  Thank you for answered prayers and what timing, thirty minutes before the dreaded pitocin. 

 

100_2860What an amazing gift we have in our bodies.  God has equipped us as women with everything we need to give birth.  It is not a medical emergency, but a natural process.  I learned to trust my body that day.  I never stayed in the bed.  I moved around the room, laboring on the birthing ball, in the tub, hands and knees, and even on the toilet and leaning against the rods in the bathroom.  I learned to trust others that day.  My support team was amazing.  My husband stood by me the entire time.  He sensed my needs through every pressure wave.  This time of intimacy was like no other. 

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Our doula, was there to lead us through everything.  She was very knowledgeable about natural labor and delivery, hospital procedures, and non-medical interventions (counter pressure, aromatherapy, etc).  Julie would continually encourage us and the staff to stick to the birth plan.  My doctor, Dr. Stafford, was like no other doctor.  He is aware of the normality of birth and really has his patient’s best interest in mind.  He encouraged me while I labored and pushed.  He even helped hold me up while I pushed in the squatting position.  He stuck to our birth plan and made sure that the nurse did as well.  The nurse, Tammy, was great even though you could tell she was out of her comfort zone as she is used to her patients having an epidural, pitocin and staying in bed. She was open to our needs and that is what patient care should really be.   
 

After 9 ½ hours of labor and 40 min of pushing we welcomed Elijah Russell Chapman to the world.  He weighed 7 pounds 15 ounces and was 20 inches long.  He was beautiful, perfect.  What an honor to be trusted with one of God’s children.  I experienced a feeling like no other that day, instant love.

 

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Special thanks to all the people who helped make this experience perfect.  You will never be forgotten.

 

I hope I do not offend anyone by my birth story. That was not my intention.  The great thing about being parents is you have the opportunity to make your labor and delivery however you wish.  You have to decide what is best for you and your baby. We all have the same goal and that is a healthy baby. We may just arrive there differently.

 

In awe of the gift of life,

 

Elizabeth

 

Posted in Birth, Pregnancy | Tagged: , , , , | 6 Comments »

Supermom.

Posted by Inexplicable Ways on November 14, 2008

Yeah right.

BUT…I did accidentally find a parenting tool that works on my soon-to-be three year old. 

Norah doesn’t tantrum often.  When she does–look out!  A few months back, when she was stomping her feet and crying hysterically, I couldn’t keep myself from giggling.  I know, awful of me.  The unexpected result:  Norah started giggling.  Huh.

So far, it has worked 98% of the time.  It is hard for me to muster a guffaw when my cortisol levels are rising from the horrible sounds emerging from my child.  But I call upon the skills learned in David Dolge’s sophomore drama class and voila:  we’re soon all giggling and snorting. 

I was especially excited when it worked in front of my sister.  I totally looked like supermom, I’m certain.

I wonder how long this tool will work.  One thing that become obvious early on in this parenting gig:  what works today will not work tomorrow.  Keeps us on our toes, yes?

Want to know more about crazy tools like giggling when your child is tantruming?  Check out Lawrence Cohen’s book Playful Parenting or take a look at this article or this one.  Meanwhile, is tantruming a word?  Spell check doesn’t thing so.

Posted in Parenting | Tagged: , | 2 Comments »

Norah’s Playlist

Posted by Inexplicable Ways on November 10, 2008

My toddler has a playlist.  She has, um, strong feelings about her music choices.  And she can get pretty upset when we can’t understand what she’s asking us to play.

I understand.  I used to sing “Rock Me on the Desk“ and I can’t tell you how many church hymns I had wrong–”Lead on O Kinky Turtle” for example.  I’ve had a fun (and occasionally frustrating) time understanding Norah’s car ride song requests.  Here is a sampling.  Betcha you can’t figure them out either.   

“East Dream”  or the “Clap, Clap Song”

“Clementine”

“The Lucy Song”

“Sweet Song”

“Oh Grayson” (she has a cousin named Grayson)

“Um-be-way”

“Town-o”

“Boats are with Us”

Posted in Music, Uncategorized | 7 Comments »

I Dig

Posted by Inexplicable Ways on November 3, 2008

So here are a few of my latest favorites:

Belly Chimes

Virtual Labor Game

Felted Slippers

Bamboo Kitchen Utensils

Reusable Sandwich Bag (which my mother-in-law helped me sew myself–Yay!)

Plan Toys Balancing Monkeys (which Norah never tires of playing)

Kanoe

Posted in Products and Gear | Tagged: , , | 3 Comments »

 
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