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It is here.

We’ve heard whispers about it.  We’ve cringed at the very thought of it.  And it is now on the market.  The super-dooper do-it-all gadget that will revolutionize birth (and malpractice) has arrived.  Duh-duh-duh-dummmmmmb:  BirthTrack–a monitor that clips to the mom’s cervix providing constant monitoring of every move and every inch of progress.   

Check out this post that sums up all of BirthTrack’s fancy features and glaring problems.  As my friend, Carey, so cleverly noted–too bad they didn’t think to design it with an MP3 player for mom’s and baby’s listening pleasure.   

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11 responses »

  1. No thank you. My baby came out just fine without constant unnecessary monitoring. The thought (and picture) of this device just makes me cringe.

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  2. That is wierd!!!! No thanks.
    RJ

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  3. At first glance, I thought that thing was a GPS. I’m thinking this takes away the need for a nurse, they can just program the darn thing to call the doctor when its time for his 5 minutes of fame.

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  4. *vomits in mouth*
    where oh where is my treehouse?

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  5. So are they marketing this with high-risk women in mind, or is it going to replace the monitor bands for every birth? I think it’s nuts. How exactly do you “clip” something to your cervix? And I’ve never understood how something screws INTO the baby’s head. Doesn’t it hurt them?

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  6. The number of spelling and grammatical errors on BirthTrack’s website concerns me. I hope, but doubt, that they put more care into research than they did into writing the information for their website.

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  7. That looks like something I’d just love to have shoved into my vagina. Are they crazy? I don’t really think women that would go for having something ‘clipped’ to their cervix. Sounds incredibly painful and counter-productive.

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  8. Excuse typos. Brain shut down an hour ago 🙂

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  9. Wow. And I didn’t mean that in a good way!!! What will they think of next to de-humanize the birth process? I think I’ll pass on the latest greatest unnecessary and painful appearing gadget designed to be rammed inside me. Docs, patience is a virtue. They should teach that in med school.

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  10. I hope I never see this…it is like medieval torture. Like so many obstetric interventions are…and, yes, the fetal scalp monitor SCREWS in to your tender baby’s scalp. At least, we hope it is the scalp and not, for example, an eyeball or a scrotum (which can happen if doc is unaware of the presentation). And this, after I have heard a nurse say that it “attaches like velcro.” *cough*bullsh@#*cough*

    My question is, if this device even works like it says it does, couldn’t the “clipping” of something to the cervix by its very design cause labor to be abnormal? How can a cervix dilate and/or efface with something clipped to it?

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  11. That is utterly ridiculous! Just another example of advanced technology de-humanizing the childbirth process. I’ll pass.

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