For my sweet student who would like to laugh this time during her birth:
Category Archives: Birth
Learn the Old Songs
Singing Down Baby B
I’m coming. Down out of the clouds
into the rain. I hope I’m coming straight
and clear. I hope I’m falling on holy ground,
That the people catching me are sure and loving.
I hope the people bringing me to earth
have said their evening prayers and their morning
prayers, because where I’m coming from
is made of prayers and leaves. Silk spun from mulberry is fine
but where I’m coming from is finer still.
You know those gospel singers with notes so bright
they drop, note by note, into your body?
That’s how I’m singing down into a woman
dressed in gauzy skirts next to a man whistling
to hold up. I’m the one calling down the lullabies.
I’m yours. I am your DNA gone wild with love,
I am the split second the angels take
to connect us to God, my spine the ladder
up and back.
My feet haven’t yet touched down
so learn the old songs for me
because I’ll come out dazed and start forgetting.
My eyes will gaze at you and I’ll lose
my angel sense. Sing me to ease
With an anthem from my dazzling alma mater.
Jenni’s Surprise Homebirth
I have a new birth story up. Go read, go read!
Teasers:
“We didn’t even consider that those really were pressure waves”
“I thought that I felt something coming out… but Brandon told me it was “nothing, don’t worry about it” when I asked him what it was”
“I then kept shouting at him what time is it, what time is it.”
“I still had a hard time believing that this was not just a pregnancy dream.”
“yes you really do boil a pot of water like in all the old movies.”
What are you waiting on? Go read!
The Year after Childbirth
I’m reading The Year After Childbirth by Sheila Kitzinger. I love this book.
Here are a few gems from the first chapter about the first weeks postpartum:
“The ordinary divisions of time–into morning, afternoon, evening, and night, and before and after meals–have lost meaning. In their place there seems to be a long, uncoiling, endless ribbon–feeding, changing, cleaning up, soothing and rocking and patting, starting the laundry, tidying up a bit, feeding again, bouncing the baby up and down, managing to wash yourself and pull on some clothes if you’re lucky, feeding again, carrying the baby around, drying the baby things, grabbing something to eat, picking the baby up, feeding, dashing to the shops, and then feeding again because the baby is still fretful. There is never any point at which you can say that you have finished.”
“Some new mothers say that they did not know what tiredness was until they experienced the exhaustion that comes from straining every nerve, concentrating with set purpose on doing everything right with a new baby, while at the same time feeling powerful emotions…For the tiredness is not just a question of needing more sleep, or of trying to fit everything into a twenty-four hour day that seems suddenly to have shrunk. The emotional intensity of becoming a mother and caring for a new baby is in itself demanding.”
“Maternal emotions are urgent, raw.”
“For several months after birth it is normal to be in a heightened emotional state.”
“Yes, there are times when you lose all self-confidence and feel that you are a terrible mother and a failure as a woman. But there are other times when you feel a luxurious contentment, like a cat who has been at the cream.”
Sheila Kitzinger is a social anthropologist and writes many wonderful words about women, babies, and birth.
While I love the words, Norah loves the pictures. After flipping through the pages on our drive to the coast, she drew some detailed pictures of perineal tears and episiotomies. Oh well. Maybe she has a future in medical illustrations?
Birth is surprising
In Hypnobabies, students train their minds to expect birth to be comfortable. Students spend lots of time before their birthing time to practice this programming.
Birth is suprising.
Congratulations to one of my couples who had a super-fast, comfortable birth. Before their doula arrived and before they could leave for the hospital, daddy caught their baby. At home. Unplanned.
The birth was quick and uncomplicated. Daddy was calm, cool, collected. The mama was thrilled. The baby was content.
It was their first baby.
Birth is surprising!
“Let You?”
Regarding birth, I hear language like this: “You mean, your doctor let you [fill in the blank]?”
I’ll be honest. Language like this makes me want to puke.
I attend births in different environments. Rarely do I hear an out-of-hospital birther say, “I am so glad my midwife let me [fill in the blank].” But I hear it all the time about doctors or nurses.
What is the difference?
Pregnant women, hear me. You do not need to compromise all your power and choices when choosing a hospital birth. Yes, there are some limitations. Yes, many many OBs do not support vertical birth, delayed cord clamping, etc. Find one who does. Prepare. Ask your friendly neighborhood doula which doctors support physiological birth. We know what goes on in the labor room.
One of my clients recently gave birth standing in the hospital bathroom. Her doctor (of course it was Dr. Polo Shirt) responded afterwards, “well, I haven’t had a standing birth in awhile.” He was completely unfazed by the whole thing. He simply handed her the baby and helped her to the bed. Some of her friends responded with “he let you give birth standing up??” Why yes. And she trusted he would support whatever position she chose.
Do not be afraid to switch care providers if your intuition is screaming that he/she will not support your choices. Be tenacious about finding someone who will. Birth is important. It is. How you are made to feel during birth is important.
**Great scene, isn’t it? All I could do was crawl between doctor and toilet to slide a pad under her and then crawl back out to grab the camera. Space was tight and it all went down quickly. I think Dr. Polo Shirt only got one glove on.
My Sister’s Blessingway
You might remember that my sister was one of the fabulous four who threw a blessingway for me last summer.
I wish every expectant woman was given a Mother Blessing or Blessingway. We don’t have enough rituals surrounding the transitions in our lives.
For Noelle’s celebration, I chose a few special rituals to honor her.
Each guest brought a bead to be made into a birth bracelet for Noelle during Asher’s birth. Everyone had such amazing beads! My mom made a pendant containing beads that belonged to her, her mother, and her grandmother. Noelle’s mother-in-law found a fantastic bead featuring a babywearing mama. One friend gave Noelle a bead from a necklace she bought during their first overseas mission trip. Take a look at the gorgeous bracelet.
Each of us also wrapped an ankle or wrist in a Mothercord. We’ll wear this cord until Asher is born; each woman using the cord to remind her to pray for Noelle’s birth.
I had Noelle’s mom and her mother-in-law each braid a side of her hair. In the back, I joined the two braids with a hydrangea flower from our grandmother’s garden. Our grandmother is no longer living and I wish I’d asked her more about her own births. I know that she had all her children at home except her last born, my mother.
I set up a table for an art project. Each guest was invited (ok, ordered) to participate. They were to create a piece of art called “Becoming Mother” as a gift for Noelle.
Finally, my talented friend, Katy, henna’d Noelle’s feet. She also graciously gave each guest a small henna tattoo as a reminder of Noelle’s birth and transition into motherhood. The henna work was my favorite part of the blessingway.
Now, we wait for sweet baby Asher.
Melissa’s Hypnobabies Birth Story
I have a new story posted in my birth story section. I was honored to doula for Melissa and Josh as they welcomed baby Bowen into the world. They were kind enough to share their story.
Go check it out!
Bait and Switch
“Yes, we support natural birth.” Knowing full well that most first-time mamas are induced so it is a moot point entirely. The average gestation for a first time mama is 41 weeks 1 day. When do most OBs start suggesting induction?
“Yes, we support VBAC.” Until you fail to follow the standard protocol and suddenly you’re told (in LABOR!) that you can no longer have a VBAC.
“Yes we welcome birth plans.” Until you submit yours at 38 weeks and the OB crosses a line through the things she won’t do. And it is awful tricky to find a new OB willing to take you (the difficult patient) after 38 weeks.
Think I’m exaggerating? Think I make this stuff up? No. The families I work with are handled this way all! the! time! I have so many stories.
Let’s take today, for example.
My student switches to a practice recommended for their wonderful VBAC support. She cancels her regular prenatal appointment because she believes she is in labor. She is told to go straight to the hospital with her bags packed.
Her contractions are just 1o minutes apart. This may be a practice run. This may take a couple of days. She decides to stay home awhile. And then a receptionist calls to tell her she will no longer be “allowed” to have a VBAC since she didn’t go in when they said.
How do you disallow someone from having a VBAC? The baby will come out. There is no stopping it. It is a normal, bodily process. It would be like telling someone they were not allowed to digest their lunch.
This manipulative and insulting treatment has got to stop. It must.
A Baby Plan
I’ve written before about birth plans. Keep ’em short and sweet. Only include those things that you may not be able to speak up about (because you’re busy pushing or adoring your new baby).
I haven’t said anything about baby plans. Attending many hospital births has taught me that, at least in the hospitals I work, there is a often a wild card in the birthing room: the baby nurse. The baby nurse comes in when birth is imminent. At this point, you’re a bit busy. You’re not going to care about this woman or want to go over your birth plan with her. You’re probably not going to notice her. And the baby nurse usually does not see your birth plan.
(interrupt for a funny story: I was very pregnant last summer and attending a birth. When the baby nurse came in, I walked over to go over my client’s wishes with her. She was so confused because she thought I was having the baby. Looking at my stomach in much confusion, “Wait, what?” That was how oblivious she was to the woman actually giving birth.)
So what does the baby nurse do? She weighs/measures/tags the baby. Administers vit k, hep B, and eye ointment. She does an initial baby exam, puts on the hat, does footprints, and swaddles. And, certainly, she would like to do it all at once and move on.
Now, you the family get to make the decisions on when all these weights, shots, swaddles take place. A baby plan can be a benign little document to express your choices.
My suggestion is make a simple list–again short and sweet–to place unobtrusively in the baby warmer. Do it when you arrive. When the baby nurse comes in, she will begin setting up near the warmer and she’ll read over your list.
What kinds of things to put on the list?
Baby “Name”‘s Care Plan
- We would like immediate skin-to-skin contact
- My husband will rub in the vernix and dry the baby on my chest
- Please perform all non-emergency examinations while baby is skin-to-skin
- We plan to delay all procedures for at least one hour
- We decline ________ (ex. hep B, vit K, eye ointment)
Thank you for your support as we welcome our new baby into the world!
No need to include things that are easier for you to control or things that come later: breastfeeding baby during shots, rooming in, no pacifiers/formula, delay/decline bath, etc. This baby plan covers the first moments.
Anything you would add?
Inexplicable Ways 
