What do you do on a due date such as this? Today I should be bulging with belly. I would complain with some pride about my backache and my difficulty sleeping. I would be toying with ideas of spicy food, acupressure, sex, herbal teas, or maybe, the dreaded castor oil. I would spend hours doing Yoga. I would make final preparations–are those tiny cloth diapers spotless and handy? Is that a dog hair on my chocolate Moby? Have the ceilings been scrubbed? Video camera charged? Birth supplies ready? I would be vibrating with the excitement of birth. Would it be as beautiful this time? Would I choose waterbirth or something different? What new strength would I find? What newness would I learn of God?
Instead, here I am–drinking caffeinated coffee with flat(ish) belly; knowing I’ve already learned new lessons and God is as with me today as he was in September. And the strength–I have already found it and carry it with me today. My husband already caught this baby and we have already held him.
Today means that I can release the last breath I’ve been holding. And breathe in the deep of the Child already given to us whose name is Peace.
Inexplicable Ways 
This post brought tears to my eyes my dear friend. I pray that GOD holds you and Scott so very tightly today, as I know he will.
Wow, Julie. God is so good even when things go the way we don’t understand. Hang in there, and I hope you have a peaceful day. God bless you!
The Asheville Janes love the Byers of Clemson
I’m here, and we love you. His name is Peace, and isn’t wonderful at we know Peace?
beautifully said… and tenderly thought. you are amazing.
Julie, I read Leaf’s birth story a few weeks ago and have been thinking of you since. I thought of a poem today that I had not thought of in a very long time, by E. E. Cummings. I hope you don’t mind if I link it for you:
http://poetry.eserver.org/somewhere.txt
Thank you for sharing your beautiful story.
Janet–thank you for sharing that poem. I had not read it before. ee cummings always captures emotions so piercingly. Perfect.
Yes, I am slow in catching up with your blog, but blame it on the ‘dial-up’ world that I live in…I am not, however, slow in tearing up at the very thought of my little grandson that I never cradled on this side of earth.
I love you, my precious, and thank God every day for the mother of my granddaughter.
Mom