Author Archives: juliebyers

She’s got a bag

that is filled with toys.

Check out Norah’s creative engineering.  She made a sleigh using a jelly bracelet, the roof of a toy doghouse, and Cedar’s hat.  Should we nickname her Macgyver?  The “norah doll” is holding a whip which is a piece from her playhouse gazebo.

Here is a close-up of Santa’s sack:

Watching her play really makes me miss being a kid.

A word or two about homebirth

Sometimes I get the impression that people think homebirth is crazy.  I dunno, maybe comments left on blogs or eyebrows raised when I mention my babes weren’t born in the hospital.  So if I might take a moment to share my thoughts on why a person might choose homebirth.  (And let’s just get this part out of the way:  obviously, I’m am not saying everyone should birth at home.  You should birth wherever you choose.  And I am not saying that interventions such as inductions or cesareans are evil when they are necessary to save lives.)

1)  Homebirth is safe. 

Numerous studies have shown that planned homebirths with a midwife is as safe as a hospital birth.  Some studies even show that they are safer.  Certainly there are fewer interventions.  “The first intervention in birth, that a healthy woman takes, is when she walks out the front door of her home, in labor. From that first intervention, all others will follow”.  Dr. Michael Rosenthal – Obstetrician

In 20 other countries, fewer babies die at birth or in their first few months of life.  Those countries have one thing in common:  most of the births are attended by midwives.  Compare that to our rate of 8% of births attended by midwives; only 1% of which are homebirths. 

A woman is four times as likely to die from a cesarean than a vaginal birth.  The US cesarean rate is over 30%.  Homebirth midwives have a cesarean rate less than 10%. 

2)  Midwives are super (and smart). 

Midwives are trained in normal birth.  Keenly aware that a hospital is the best place to be for high-risk pregnancies, midwives will transfer the care of these women prior to their birthing times.  Likewise, during labor or birth, a midwife will transfer a woman to the hospital if a complication arises. 

Midwives are trained for emergencies.  Though their focus is on prevention, certainly they are trained to respond to less common emergencies such as hemorrhage, neonatal resuscitation, shoulder dystocia, etc.  While regulations may vary from state to state, all midwives carry emergency equipment and administer certain medications when indicated. 

Part of the reason for their excellent outcomes is that midwives spend so much time prenatally with their clients.  A prenatal with a midwife typically lasts an hour.  How often does an OB spend an hour with her patients?  A midwife can more easily address nutritional concerns or emotional issues because she knows her clients and has spent time building trust. 

Midwives are the norm for most births in the world.   

3)  It is convenient.

No bags to pack.  No worrying about “when to go.”  No contractions in the car. 

Everyone comes to your home.  And they are guests.  They were invited.  That changes the entire atmosphere. 

I didn’t have to worry about someone feeding the dog or arranging childcare.  If I decided (as I did) that I wanted a grape popsicle, my freezer was just a room away.  If I decided (as I did) to play pass the pigs, then it was readily available. 

4)  It is economically sensible.

Some of my doula clients have shown me their hospital bills.  My jaw dropped when I saw the cost of an epidural.  Or an IV.  My first thought was “I don’t charge nearly enough for my services if a cervidil tampon costs more than me!”  Then they showed me the separate bill for the baby care.  Good grief.  The consumer has little control over these charges. 

Midwives charge a flat fee.  It covers your prenatal care, your birth, and postpartum care.  The postpartum care takes place in the comfort of your own bedroom.  There are no hidden charges.  You are not charged extra if your midwife gives you a tylenol or if your labor lasts 30 hours.  Of course, the fee varies.  Here, I’ve seen it range from $2600–4000.  And in SC, Medicaid covers homebirth midwives.    

5)  Easier to relax during birth and rest afterwards.

Hospitals were not designed for birth.  Women in labor need privacy, quiet, and room to move.  It is essential that our bodies relax during our birthing time.  If too much adrenaline creeps in, labor can stall.  In a hospital room, you will be monitored, you will be interrupted, you will hear unfamiliar sounds, you will sign a dozen consent forms, and you will be informed of policies. 

During your postpartum period, you will be interrupted during the night so that you may be monitored.  The nurses aren’t evil but it is their job to check on you.  If you birth at home, you will be snuggled with your partner and your little one in your own comfortable bed.   

6)  You can give birth in whichever position or room you choose.

Midwives follow birthing women around.  If she stops to push in the corner, the midwife squats down with her.  If it is dark, the midwife might use a flashlight.  If she wanders out to the back deck, the midwife will bring a few pillows.  If she wants to push on the toilet, fine.  Tub?  Fine.  Under the apple tree?  Whatever.  A midwife is accommodating.    

7)  The baby is mine.

No, I don’t mean the baby might be switched at birth.  I mean that families who choose to have their babies at home usually call the shots when it comes to the handling of their newborn.  It is assumed that the baby will be skin-to-skin with the mother for a lengthy period after birth.  In the absence of emergency, of course, the mom decides when the cord is clamped, when the baby is weighed, and if any procedures like eye ointment, vitamin K shot are administered.  I feel like homebirth gives parents “permission” to parent right from the start.      

Really, this control over how my baby was handled was my number 1 choice for choosing homebirth. 

8)  It is cleaner.

Hospitals are gross and they are filled with sick people.  Scary germs live there.  Now with swine flu and antibiotic resistent bacteria running amok, it makes sense to keep a newborn protected at home.  When a baby is born, she receives antibodies through her mama’s colostrum.  It will include antibodies for the microorganisms living in her home and places her mama frequents.  Newborns have immature immune systems and rely on this colostrum for protection.  The newborn is unable to make antibodies for foreign germs like those found in hospitals.     

9)  And this might not be the most important reason, but no hospital gown, no hospital food, and no hep-lock!

I don’t think this one needs explanation!   

Now, before anyone gets huffy with me, let me acknowledge that there are wonderful doctors and nurses.  My beloved mother is a nurse.  I grew up in doctor’s offices and hospitals.  However, there are not so wonderful regulators who enact ridiculous rules for low-risk women birthing at hospitals.  And there are frivolous lawsuits that scare the bejeebies out of otherwise accommodating physicians.  And I concede that not all midwives are angelic guardians of birth–a few are crappy.

But hopefully this list will help someone see why a person might choose the seemingly strange choice to birth at home.  Does anyone else have reasons to add?

Oh the things you will see

at the Pickens Flea Market.

Stunning, isn’t it?

Meanwhile I love Mr. Organic Man.  Especially when he says flirty things like “oh, for you?  just a dollar.”  Or when he promises me a special jar of coconut oil next week after an evil woman snatched the only jar as I was reaching for it.  Then she asks, “What do you do with coconut oil anyway?”  She didn’t deserve it. 

And lest you be confused in your own quest to find Mr. Organic Man at the flea market.  He is quite the opposite of organic as he chain smokes in his camo jumpsuit with his chain-smoking, camo jumpsuit cohorts.  Ah, but his flea market booth is fantastic.

Cord clamping

“Another thing very injurious to the child, is the tying and cutting of the navel string too soon; which should always be left till the child has not only repeatedly breathed but till all pulsation in the cord ceases. As otherwise the child is much weaker than it ought to be, a portion of the blood being left in the placenta, which ought to have been in the child.”

–Erasmus Darwin, 1801

I’m a big believer in physiological processes.  They usually work.  If my digestion is working, there is no need to mess with it.  Likewise, birth is a normal event.  We don’t grow a cord clamp or pair of scissors that are magically delivered when we give birth.  Heck, that pesky cord doesn’t even have snaps or velcro for easy detachment.  Did you know that changes in the Wharton’s jelly will create an internal clamping within about 10-20 minutes of birth?  If left completely alone (i.e. lotus birth), the cord will, in fact, detach on its own in 2 or 3 days.   

  • Was it meant to be cut within seconds of birth? 
  • What about the baby’s blood that is circulating through the cord and the placenta? 
  • What does it mean for the baby when she doesn’t get that blood back? 
  • What does it look like for the baby who has received oxygen via her cord and suddenly must transition to breathing air? 
  • Who has the burden of proof here? 

Hmmmm, there must be a reason why the umbilical cord continues pumping for a few minutes after the baby is born. 

Want to know more?  Want to see research?  Or more research?  And, hey, that just skims the surface.

The picture above shows Cedar’s cord after it stopped pulsing.  We waited until the placenta was birthed before we messed with her cord. 

Golden Oldie

I know these US Dept of Health commercials have been blogged to death.  But I love them.  Too bad they were never released.

Phantom Kicks

Yeah, now that you mention it.  I am still feeling them.

Lately Loving

These guys:

View from the top

IMG_9075

IMG_9079

Norah’s Prayer

GetAttachmentThis is what she prayed last night:

Dear God,

Hey. 

I want a rainbow bedspread and a rainbow cake for my birthday.  I’ll be four December 9.  K? 

And I want binoculars for I can see you.

When I get big I want to marry you for I can be big like you. 

 Amen.  Goodnight.  Be comfy.  Bye.

(Then she blew God a kiss)

I love that cheeky spirit!

Men and Nursing in Public

No, I’m not talking about men nursing in public (although that might be an interesting post).  This post is about how men should behave around nursing mamas.

Before we had kids, my husband and I worked at a camp and retreat center in NY.  A few times a year, we hosted staff trainings for a group called Intervarsity.  Always, the Intervarsity staff brought babies.  Lots of babies.  And we joked that my husband was jinxed at accidentally walking into a room of nursing mamas.  He wasn’t anti-breastfeeding by any stretch.  We simply hadn’t run much with the “couples with babies” crowd.  He wasn’t sure of the etiquette.  Frankly, neither was I.   

Fast-forward.  My husband can hang with the lactators now.  Many times, he has been in a room full of nursing women.  And he is the man you want in the restaurant if someone criticizes a nursing woman or heaven forbid–asks her to leave.  He would become the public spectacle of righteous indignation.  Recently he even schooled a buddy who complained about women who avoided the “nursing mom’s room” (usually just gross bathrooms with chairs in the corner) and nursed in public instead.  

In this process, however, he has asked the big question:  Where should I look? 

I think most men are fine with women nursing in public but they don’t want to appear to be a pervert by getting too close or accidentally “looking.”  They feel trapped by the whole scene.   

I certainly can’t speak for all women but here is my preference. 

I feel awkward if the man looks everywhere but at me or if he turns away while trying to carry on a conversation with me.  Friend, you don’t have to put me at ease.  I’m already at ease.  If I wasn’t, I would have excused myself to go nurse elsewhere or I would have pulled out a hooter-hider (yes they did name it that). 

I would prefer the guy make eye contact or (gasp) look.  I’m just feeding a baby.  Don’t pretend it isn’t happening.  Ask me how breastfeeding is going.  Or continue with whatever conversation we were having.  If you’re a stranger passing by, make eye contact, smile and move on.  Don’t be such a boob about the whole thing.  It is really quite simple.   

I probably only have 4 men who read my blog so I’m likely preaching to the choir.  Maybe some poor guy will google “men and nursing in public” and find some reassurance here.  To that poor guy–bravo! 

To the breastfeeding mamas reading, what are your thoughts?