I know these US Dept of Health commercials have been blogged to death. But I love them. Too bad they were never released.
Category Archives: Breastfeeding
Men and Nursing in Public
No, I’m not talking about men nursing in public (although that might be an interesting post). This post is about how men should behave around nursing mamas.
Before we had kids, my husband and I worked at a camp and retreat center in NY. A few times a year, we hosted staff trainings for a group called Intervarsity. Always, the Intervarsity staff brought babies. Lots of babies. And we joked that my husband was jinxed at accidentally walking into a room of nursing mamas. He wasn’t anti-breastfeeding by any stretch. We simply hadn’t run much with the “couples with babies” crowd. He wasn’t sure of the etiquette. Frankly, neither was I.
Fast-forward. My husband can hang with the lactators now. Many times, he has been in a room full of nursing women. And he is the man you want in the restaurant if someone criticizes a nursing woman or heaven forbid–asks her to leave. He would become the public spectacle of righteous indignation. Recently he even schooled a buddy who complained about women who avoided the “nursing mom’s room” (usually just gross bathrooms with chairs in the corner) and nursed in public instead.
In this process, however, he has asked the big question: Where should I look?
I think most men are fine with women nursing in public but they don’t want to appear to be a pervert by getting too close or accidentally “looking.” They feel trapped by the whole scene.
I certainly can’t speak for all women but here is my preference.
I feel awkward if the man looks everywhere but at me or if he turns away while trying to carry on a conversation with me. Friend, you don’t have to put me at ease. I’m already at ease. If I wasn’t, I would have excused myself to go nurse elsewhere or I would have pulled out a hooter-hider (yes they did name it that).
I would prefer the guy make eye contact or (gasp) look. I’m just feeding a baby. Don’t pretend it isn’t happening. Ask me how breastfeeding is going. Or continue with whatever conversation we were having. If you’re a stranger passing by, make eye contact, smile and move on. Don’t be such a boob about the whole thing. It is really quite simple.
I probably only have 4 men who read my blog so I’m likely preaching to the choir. Maybe some poor guy will google “men and nursing in public” and find some reassurance here. To that poor guy–bravo!
To the breastfeeding mamas reading, what are your thoughts?
The Continuing Milk Saga
We are at the two month point. And we’ve hit another blip on the BFAR journey. First let me catch up. We realized pretty quickly that I again did not have a full supply. I wasn’t terribly surprised though I had been really hopeful this time. By week four, I’d tweaked things enough to guess that I was making about a 2/3 supply. Not bad. Of course I still went through an angry grieving period. My wonderful husband, mother, sister, friends, and strangers on the street listened to me process my feelings.
Thankfully. THANKFULLY! We’ve been able to supplement entirely with donor breastmilk! Amazing generosity.
I’m still taking a ridiculous number of herbs and the domperidone.
So what is the problem? My smart girl is noticing that a bottle will follow a feeding. Her nursing time is ever-so-slightly decreasing. Her bottle intake is increasing. And since she won’t comfort nurse except at night, I feel my supply is in danger.
Two solutions. 1) I’m going to begin pumping tomorrow. 2) I’ve ordered an SNS to begin feeding her at the breast when we’re home. The SNS will make her work harder than the bottle does and it will stimulate my breasts to (hopefully) maintain/increase supply.
It isn’t easy. Low supply stinks. But it is worth it. For both of us.
Not confined
Fresh milk is warm, and watery pale.
Its packaging walks and talks, and runs, and makes love. It is absent of labeling.
It has no fixed quantity, or set of loading of nutrients, but ebbs and flows according to the needs of its consumers.
It is flavored with garlic, or vanilla, or carrots, and sometimes all these things. It is not confined to fridges and stores, but is everywhere women are.
–from the book Fresh Milk: The Secret Life of Breasts by Fiona Giles
Postpartum: the good, the bad, and the ugly
Having survived my first day alone with a 3 year old and a newborn, I am–if not settling into–at least, accepting my new normal.
Here are some highlights from my first two weeks:
Husband: Aside from being the best birth partner on the planet, Scott played host to our visitors, cleaned house, had special daddy/daughter dates with Norah, brought me 156 million cups of Mother’s Milk Tea, made delicious breakfasts, and was the all-around hero of the story.
Family: My family is incredible. They have fed me, cleaned my house, and picked up strange items I needed at obscure places (my mom went all over Greenville searching for myrrh, no-sugar added coconut water, and vegetarian capsules). And check out the wonderful cloth wipes my mother-in-law sewed. Yes, she embroidered “Cedar” on them. I bet I have the only personalized bum wipes in town.
Friends: I knew my friends were wonderful but wow! First, this food chain idea is the best.postpartum.gift. EVER. Period. We’ve been supplied with a delicious meal every night–beginning with mom bringing our traditional Sunday feast over after the birth. I’ve had friends drive 45 minutes to an hour to bring a meal! It has blown me away. And Cassandra drove from the far side of the world to give me a day-after acupuncture treatment! Spoiled. Utterly spoiled. And Scott keeps saying, “Wow, you have great friends!” Yes. Yes, I do.
Placenta: When Carey heard I had more bleeding than expected, she swooped into action to arrange for my placenta to be encapsulated by our friend Crystal. I had wanted to do this but felt I would be too busy with my “galactagogue plan” to take time to do it myself. The placenta is rich in nutrients, vitamins, and hormones that can assist the body in recovering. And many people believe that it can prevent or lessen the effects of postpartum depression. In some studies, it has shown an 86% success rate in increasing milk supply. So bring on the placenta.
Diapers: Having never cloth diapered a newborn (we started late with Norah), I have been pleasantly surprised at how smoothly that has gone. She hasn’t worn any disposables. I was worried the meconium would stain. It didn’t. I had two grassy green stains (from the chlorophyll supplement I’m taking) that disappeared after I put the dipes in the sun for a few hours. Magic.
Breastfeeding: This one is a day-by-day. I had breast reduction surgery 12 years ago. There have been days I supplement an ounce or so with donated breastmilk based on signs from Cedar and her weight. I’m using a syringe and feeding her with it while she is latched and actively nursing. I prefer this method to the SNS. I weigh her almost daily with the same scale we used at birth. I definitely have more milk than I did with Norah. It takes two weeks for domperidone to reach maximum effectiveness so I’m hopeful my supply will continue to increase. I increased my domperidone dosage from 90mg/day to 120mg/day this week. Unfortunately, the domperidone causes horrible headaches and the only thing that helps is a cup of coffee. Do I give my child caffeine so that I can continue to make milk? Yep. I’ve been reading that the headaches fade with time. So we’re still in a wait-and-see place. But I’m hopeful. And regardless, I know I’ve done everything I could. I feel really positive.
Babywearing: Hoorah for wearing babies! Cedar loves being worn. So far, the Maya ring sling and the Moby wrap have been her favorites. I didn’t expect to use the ring sling much since I prefer wraps. I would have gotten a prettier sling. I’m disappointed that she doesn’t like the My BabyNest. But that is why I have so many products–she might like it next week…
In other news, I’ve been pooped on 4 times and peed on 3 times. I’ve realized I need more nursing tanks. I spend most of my day nursing. I’m writing this blog entry with a sleeping baby snuggled to my chest in a Moby wrap. I love it.
When Maternity Leave Ends
There is a typical pattern in most of my doula clients. I see them immediately postpartum and we talk frequently by phone or email. Then as they settle into parenting, I don’t hear much from them. Until…
Until they return to work. At this point there is usually a scramble as the moms navigate the world of pumping at work and encounter issues like milk supply, plugged ducts, and reverse cycling.
Pumping is a learned skill. Unless you are simply swimming in milk, there are tricks to pumping. My favorite resource is www.workandpump.com. It is the only working/pumping mama website that dares to discuss how a freezer stash can undermine, how co-sleeping can help, and how care providers can overfeed the breastfed baby.
So if you’re heading back to work or if you know a mama who is struggling with pumping at work, check out this great website!
Stimulus Package
Check out the first ad in a new breastfeeding campaign.
The purpose of this campaign is to expose the “booby traps” that undermine breastfeeding (like less than 3% of maternity centers are designated baby-friendly, less than 12% of women meet the AAP minimum standard of exclusive breastfeeding for 6 months, and there is limited access to qualified lactation consultants).
THE galactagogue plan
Or, Breastfeeding After Reduction Surgery–Part 2. In case you missed it, part 1 found here.
My primary sources for choosing my milk-making plan are the books Defining Your Own Success, Mother Food, and The Breastfeeding Mother’s Guide to Making More Milk. Please note: this is MY plan. It is not to be interpreted as advice to others. Some of these herbs and medications are controversial and not without risk.
During Pregnancy
I’ve added Alfalfa to my diet. Yep, the same thing farmers give to cows to increase production.
Beginning in week 37, I will add Goat’s Rue tincture. 10-15 drops 3x daily. Thank you Carey for sharing your homemade tinctures!
Beginning in week 38, I will take 1 Chasteberry supplement daily–ending on Birth day.
Just before due date: I’ll pick up a hospital grade pump so I’ll be set to go.
Postpartum
I’ve ordered Domperidone from Italy (where it is available over the counter). Because of lots of FDA/big pharma politics, it is not available in the US except in compounding pharmacies.
My babe will be skin-to-skin as much as possible. If you’re visiting me postpartum, be prepared! The Moby and My Baby Nest will be close friends.
I’ll begin pumping as I can. Hey, I remember the postpartum whirlwind, so I’m giving myself some leeway on this one.
I have a huge stash of Mother’s Milk Tea which I’ll mix with my nettles, caraway, and oatstraw. I grew to love the taste of MM tea when Norah was itty.
The trusty fenugreek and blessed thistle will make an appearance. The sweet smell of maple syrup will be in the air. And I’m toying with the idea of Shatavari. Some sources suggest it might duplicate the work of domperidone. Others say it does something different. Maybe I’ll hold off.
I will continue the alfalfa, my prenatals (containing spirulina), goat’s rue, and cal-mag.
Food
If I can tolerate it, I’ll add blackstrap molassas to my mother’s milk tea. I’ve been trying it for iron this week and it is a tough flavor to swallow.
I’d like to find a coffee-substitute made with chicory, malt, and barley (all lactogenic). Anyone? I’ve heard the brand names CARO, Roma, Caffix, Pero or Dandy Blend. But I don’t know where they might be sold.
Barley water is on the menu along with oatmeal, tahini, and pesto (for the basil and garlic). I’d like to explore some ways to add millet to the diet but I haven’t worked with that grain much. Ideas?
Oh, and a sweet friend donated 200 oz of her breastmilk in case supplementation (hopefully) temporary is needed. What a gift!!
Acupressure
I’ve looked at two points that might help with milk supply. Cassandra, I’ll look to you for a lesson! The points are Absolute Yin Meridian of the arm-Point 1 and Meridian of the Spleen- Point 12.
Hypnosis
I completed my Hypnobabies training last weekend and will use some of these techniques including their breastfeeding hypnosis CD.
Sounds overwhelming, yes? Well, I have a small window to build a milk supply. A short-term madness. As a BFAR mama, I have one shot. So, I’ll give it everything and then slowly back away from things as I evaluate success. Scott is 100% certain and 100% supportive. He understands that my only task for the first few weeks is building a milk supply. And I have amazing friends and family who will surround me with love (and food!).
Breastfeeding after Reduction Surgery–Part 1
BFAR. That is how we “survivors” refer to it. This post is tough for me to write. A little more intimate that I’d like to be. But here goes.
I had a breast reduction when I was 19. When I found out I was pregnant years later, I scrambled to find information on BFAR. I found Diana West’s wonderful book and website dedicated to the topic. I learned and prepared–as much as a first-time mama can. I knew it was a very real possibility that I would not have enough milk but I was determined to make it happen.
My milk came in slowly. Norah was a reluctant nurser and a fussy baby–how much because of supply, I don’t know. We carefully recorded diaper output, weight, and feedings. We worked closely with our midwives and the lactation consultant at our pediatrician’s office.
On her 8th day, Norah’s blood sugar was low and our midwife gave her a bottle of supplement. Of all the moments I wish I could change during that painful time, it is this moment. With so many ways to feed a baby, why did it have to be a bottle? It wasn’t even a good bottle–it was a bottle made by the formula company [read: fast flow]. I bet you know what happened next. Yep, nipple preference. It would take another three weeks to woo Norah back to the breast. The LC showed us how to use an SNS. Norah was a smart one, though, and she learned quickly how to simply suck the SNS like a straw. So, the LC gave us the life-saver: a hazelbaker finger feeder. There was no way Norah could eat from this device without getting a work-out. No lazy gulping down milk. It was tedious and awful; each feeding took close to an hour. My smart little girl began to prefer another nipple then. Mine!
Of course, during this time, I was pumping with a hospital grade pump, taking fenugreek until I smelled like maple syrup, and guzzling mother’s milk tea. But without the gold standard–my baby–I couldn’t reach a full supply. The LC even prescribed Reglan which can increase milk supply (though with considerable side-effects; I would not take this drug again). This LC told me with (I think) false optimism, “I think you’re going to be fine. You’ll make enough.” Then she sent me home with two cans of formula. A second LC I saw offered the same happy message (sans formula). Neither gave the kind of involved help I wanted/needed. (Why didn’t I contact La Leche League? I have no idea and cannot remember now. I think I didn’t want to *bother* someone. I was paying the other LC’s).
Thus began a routine of nursing Norah at the breast and then supplementing. And then pumping. An exhaustive, emotional journey. I would proudly nurse in public. Then hide in a bathroom to supplement. I furtively purchased formula and hid it under my other groceries like I was buying junk food. I was so happy when Norah began solid foods and I could cut down the supplements. And I threw a little party when she reached a year and I could stop using supplement entirely.
It turned out that Norah was a boob-baby. We enjoyed a nursing relationship until she was 19 months old. And she would still choose to nurse if I had not made the decision to wean (pregnant with Leaf–I was a wimp–it hurt). She still nurses her stuffed animals and has serious plans to nurse baby Cedar. 🙂
So what is the plan for Cedar? Oh my, it is a massive and thorough plan. Stay tuned…I’ll post THE milk-making plan in part 2.
Inexplicable Ways 