Category Archives: Friends

A Mother-Centered Celebration for Me

Posted on July 29, 2009 by juliebyers

My beautiful friends, sister, and mom threw a Mother-Centered Celebration for me.  It was so perfect.  While baby showers are fun and result in lots of presents for the baby, a Mother-Centered Celebration focuses on the mother.  It is usually spiritual and ceremonial.

IMG_8462For my celebration, guests were instructed to bring a small plant that would become part of my birth garden.  Each guest wrote a word or phrase to include with their plant; words like “center” or “relax.”  The plants are meant to surround me physically during my birthing time.

I was also given a foot bath during which each mother dropped rose petals into the water while sharing their wisdom.  The not-yet mothers present massaged my hands.  Yes, I cried.

I received a journal filled with wise words from my guests.

And finally, we passed around a cord–each woman wrapping it around her wrist–that was then cut to make bracelets.  My sweet friends will wear the cords and remember me until Cedar is born.  And I don’t think it will be long…

The food was exotic and yummy.  The amazing Makesha made a perfect cake and petit fours.  It was such a special time.  Thank you Carey, Abby, Noelle, and Mom for the celebration.

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What happens when…

Posted on January 22, 2009 by juliebyers
What happens when… 

a doula, a midwife apprentice, and a childbirth educator get together for a playdate? 

Why, something happens to my hair, of course!  Last time, it was significantly chopped.  This time, it was henna’d.  Ooo, I love it! 

I hate maintenance.  I despise getting a hair cut.  I have never colored my hair out of fear of continuing maintenance (ok, there was that one time in college that resulted in a cranberry-streaked disaster).  I don’t own a curling iron, blow dryer, straightener, etc.  My hair routine is wash (no shampoo, of course), scrunch with some lavendar water and gel, and air dry. 

Still, my hair seems a little dull these days.  Henna seemed like a good option to pick up some highlights, cover a few strands that are betraying me, and add some conditioning.  Caryn graciously agreed to do it all for me hold my hand. 

It turned out perfect.  No dramatic change.  I doubt anyone (who doesn’t read my blog, that is) will notice.  And the best part about henna–it simply fades over time…no roots showing through…no maintenance.

The lovely Angela after puddle-jumping

Angela--a professional puddle-jumper

So what is involved?  I bought some henna at Whole Foods.  It was pretty inexpensive–6.99.  We brewed tea to mix with it.  You can use coffee for deeper brown tones.  Added apple cider vinegar and an egg.  Then Caryn painted my hair with a paintbrush until I looked like I had been puddle-jumping at Camp Pinnacle.

And like post-puddle-jumping, I simply rinsed, rinsed, rinsed until most of the grit disappeared down the drain.

And to think, before I became a mom, I imagined playdates as boring, stuffy affairs. 

    

 

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On Women and Infidelity

Posted on October 18, 2008 by juliebyers

I have some thoughts. 

And maybe a theory.  Though even as I type it, I sound presumptuous.     

I think it would be hard to have an affair if you have excellent girlfriends.

Gulp. 

I’m basing my theory on personal experience alone.  See, I have excellent girlfriends.  They sweep me off my feet with surprise and romance.  We routinely get carried away.  In a completely heterosexual way, of course.  

Now my sister is my best friend but she’s family.  And I expect family to support me, be there for me, etc.  She has to listen to me and come when I need her.  Ah, but friends–they could leave me (oh dreadful day) or let me down (never). 

They choose.  

How does this prevent infidelity?  My girlfriends meet needs for intimacy that my husband cannot/does not meet.  I absolutely could not expect Scott to meet all my intimacy needs.  How exhausting.  My husband is extraordinary–he listens over and over again as I process tricky scenarios or have a meltdown at the end of a rough day.  But I’ve learned he doesn’t love listening to me recite poetry.  And while he listens a few times to the same story–you know women work out our feelings by hashing the same story several times–really, two times is his limit. 

My days are filled with beautiful friends.  Most memorable moments lately:

  • apple picking
  • pie-baking day
  • sitting in a car sharing secrets while the babes sleep
  • a full day of eating yummy foods thrown together at the last minute in the midst of uncontrolled chaos
  • making vegetable soup
  • sharing a bottle of wine with one who had a rough day 
  • dreaming over the phone with the most amazing massage therapist on earth  
  • discovering this sign posted above my head only after Norah spilled her juice and ran amuk at coffee underground:

There is something utterly breathtaking about strong mommy-friends.  The shared vulnerabilities (that none of us really know what the heck we’re doing or if we’re ruining our children for life), the forgiving nature of playdates (that naps must come first–mine or the child’s–and that I may be wearing the same clothes I did the day before), and the help, oh the help (like the time Carey role-played niceness so Norah would get the hang of um, not yelling at me). 

What more could I need?

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