Baby-led

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I mostly don’t feed Cedar.  She feeds herself.  And does a bang-up job of it. 

I’m a big believer in starting solids by sharing what you’re eating.  With Norah, we never bought baby food.  Jar food seemed wasteful in packaging and unappetizing.  We mashed up sweet potatoes, pureed peas, ground cereals. 

Then I learned about baby-led weaning.  It goes like this:  The gag reflex in a baby is near the front of the mouth.  When you spoon-feed, you bypass this protective gag reflex.  When baby feeds herself, the gag reflex offers a safety mechanism.  It also gradually moves farther back in the mouth as she matures. 

So this time around, I started with finger foods.  Very soft foods like bananas, avocados, small pieces of sweet potato.  And she mastered them quickly. 

Of course, I still use a spoon sometimes.  Namely with yogurt and at restaurants.  But Cedar is practicing now with a spoon and learning to do it herself.  And even without teeth, she eats small chunks of chicken and turkey, roasted beets, and rice crackers.

It makes sense to me.  It has worked well for Cedar.  And we’ve only had a few minor choking moments, usually on bits of bread.

I love watching babies explore textures and spices.  Cedar loves lemons, pickles, cinnamon, and spicy beans and rice. 

One thing, though.  Baby-led weaning is messy.  Oh yes indeed.

Unschooling in Action

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I’m in the early, early stages of deciding our school path.  I often battle with the voices in my head (“is it ok that she isn’t in preschool?” “shouldn’t I be doing more?”) and the real voices around me (“why isn’t she in preschool?”).  Right now, we unschool.  A simple, but loaded word, which means following the child’s desire to learn.  I try to use everyday moments as teaching opportunities and if she displays some interest, we follow it.  This has led to impromptu hula dance lessons on youtube, library searches for stories of female lighthouse keepers, and discussions about bullfrog ears. 

I have long loved an Audre Lorde quote “The learning process can be incited.  Literally incited–like a riot.” 

For the last two days, she’s been working on something secret.  She has asked me to spell some words for her.  And she requested masking tape.  Today, she asked me to read her a book.  I almost fell over when the book she wanted me to read was her own!  Here it is (inspired liberally by Olivia the pig):

Title Page (with author’s name prominently placed)

Olivia played the piano

This one is supposed to say “Olivia brushes her teeth.  Moves the cat.  Moves the cat”

Then they danced

This one is supposed to say “Olivia was disappointed.”  I remember yelling the letters for “disappointed” for her yesterday as I was making the beds.

The end

The whole thing was gloriously taped together with 4yr old masking tape abandon!

The Complete Idiot’s Guides to Parenting

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I was searching for a parenting book through my local libray’s online catalog.  Couldn’t find it so I did a general “parenting” search.  Here are a few of the notable books that are available:

  • Now I know why tigers eat their young : surviving a new generation of teenagers
  • How to raise kids you want to keep
  • Even June Cleaver would forget the juice box : cut yourself some slack (and still raise great kids) in the age of extreme parenting
  • Parenting, Inc. : how we are sold on $800 strollers, fetal education, baby sign language, sleeping coaches, toddler couture, and diaper wipe warmers–and what it means for our children 
  • Didn’t I feed you yesterday? : a mother’s guide to sanity in stilettos
  • 13 is the new 18– and other things my children taught me (while I was having a nervous breakdown being their mother)
  • Raising the perfect child through guilt and manipulation
  • The public school parent’s guide to success : how to beat private school and homeschooling
  • The Tao of poop : keeping your sanity (and your soul) while raising a baby
  • A chicken’s guide to talking turkey with your kids about sex
  • Harried with children
  • The epidemic : the rot of American culture, absentee and permissive parenting, and the resultant plague of joyless, selfish children
  • Toilet trained for Yale : adventures in twenty-first-century parenting

I’ll just let these titles stand alone.  There were also 12 million books on depression/anxiety in children and raising children after divorce. 

I have a funny story about The Epidemic:  rot of American culture book.  Scott was in a wedding and the bride had arranged for us to stay in the home of a family member.  We’d never met these folks.  They were concerned that we were co-sleeping with Norah.  Even if we didn’t routinely co-sleep, I would not have put my one year old in a room by herself (especially next door to an adult man I’d never met).  And before we retired for the evening, these kind folks asked many pointed questions about our parenting.  The next morning, after the family left for the day, we found a copy of this book left on the breakfast table.  The book had much to say about attachment parenting.  You know, basically, attachment parenting is responsible for the rot of American culture.

 

Hypnobabies for the Glucose Screening Test

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I received this email from one of my Hypnobabies students and she gave permission to blog it:

Just wanted to share with you my success story of the week. I had to have blood drawn for the blood sugar test.

I am terrified of needles. I always bruise and I am sore. I also have panic attacks and cry afterwards, feel nauseous and dizzy. So I put off going all day.

So I decided that I would use my Hypnobabies techniques before and during having my blood drawn. I used my middle switch as soon as I got back there and then I used my “Peace” word and ran the script of my blood sugar will be normal as they drew vials of blood.

To my amazement I felt nothing but pressure, not even a prick!!! It felt just like my husband applying pressure to my arm [something we practice in class].  I had no panic attack and I felt wonderful afterwards as if nothing had even happened. I didn’t have any bruising and NO soreness. My husband always worries over me when I come out and this time when I came out I was smiling and so happy. He was so proud of me and I was proud of myself.

It was just the boost of confidence I needed to know that I can control how my body interprets what I feel.

Isn’t that fantastic?  If you want to learn more about Hypnobabies, I have two spots remaining in my Greenville class.  It begins in a week so let me know!

Creative Movement

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Today Norah took her first ballet class.  She was amazing although she never smiled.  Not once.  She is a very serious ballerina. 

And while I was watching her, I glance over to witness my 9 month old taking her first steps.  All alone in the corner of the big performance room.  She took three steps, sat down, and applauded.  Then did it a few more times.  It makes me wonder if she’s been strolling on the sly. 

Cedar walks before she gets her first tooth. 

My girls are growing up so big.  Bittersweet.

The Gift of Inspiration

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Earlier, I blogged about the mom’s study group and our first meeting topic:  The Gift of Grace.

This week, we discussed the Gift of Inspiration.

Inspiration gets a bad rap with me.  I’ve worked in jobs and ministries in which I was expected to “inspire” people.  We often measured success by our ability to make them cry as if emotional highs would change behavior.  We talked of mountaintop experiences.  I know all the tricks for lighting candles, playing sappy music, making a ritual to create a bang-up cry fest.  I can inspire a group.  It isn’t difficult. 

But the word “inspiration” literally means “with the spirit.”  That definition changes the way I think about it.  “With the spirit” whispers of connection.  One who is plugged in.  Drawing from the Source.  So the best way to inspire is to be connected to the Source. 

We first looked at how to inspire our children’s global purpose.  Jesus said that we would receive power through the Holy Spirit.  There is that word again—spirit.  He says this spirit will be our Source.  We will become good news to the world.  We will do the work of redeeming the earth.  Making it into a Garden again.  That is our global purpose as Christians.  It is our children’s global purpose.  Not some time in the future.  But now.  We discussed examples of children being good news to the community or to individuals.

[I have some thoughts on good news.  I do not think evangelism is the point.  If our ultimate purpose is to convert people, then we have an angle.  Loving on people is the good news.  Conversion is up to God.  Our Christianity should be good news to our neighbors regardless of their belief.]         

Back to the group, we made a list of skills, traits, talents that our kids show.  How can we encourage these traits to be good news now?  For Norah, I listed:  creative problem-solver, can read emotional climate, can make big connections.  For Cedar, I listed passion.  Oh, that little one has a fire inside her.   

We then looked at our children’s individual purpose.  Their vocation.  It doesn’t matter what they will be…what matters is what kind they will be.  Zaccheus didn’t stop being a tax collector but he became a different kind of tax collector.  As Christians, we (should) emphasize different values than the world.  Sacrifice, grace.  We can model this difference by letting our kids be a part of discussions like “how could our family be good news with our tax refund?” or “how could we be good news to Mrs. Smith down the street?”  And these discussions can be terribly inconvenient.  Kids often see very black and white and may begin calling us on our choices.  Which is a good thing.  And we can let go of our hopes for our children to be wealthy or safe.

And we must be careful not to give our kids their calling.  God does this. 

Then we talked about having a sense of God’s presence.  We made a list of all the unremarkable, mundane things we did yesterday.  For all of us, the list included changing diapers or wiping a butt.  The question becomes “are our days dull or the other way around—do we make them dull?”  Do our routine tasks have eternal value?  God meets us where we are.  Because that is where we are.  When we’re wiping butts, that is where God joins us.  Any task can touch the sacred.  How can we connect with the Source in these mundane tasks?  How can wiping a butt inspire? 

Jesus often used object lessons.  He passed a vineyard and he told a story about it.  Or a fig tree.  Or he said, “Consider the lilies.”  How do I help my kids see God in creation? 

Finally, we discussed living missionally.  Not about programs or 3rd parties buffering us from the in-your-face needs of people.  Not about “adopt-an-orphan” in Ethiopia (though a worthy way to give).  Not about encountering only pre-screened, kid-safe people.  It is about those unexpected needs that are right under our noses.  The ones we can’t ignore.  Or shouldn’t.  Sometimes we have only a moment to respond to someone in our path.  I love the dangerous little book, Irresistible Revolution for challenges of this sort.       

The gentle discipline tool we discussed was Playful Parenting.  How to use play for discipline, engaging cooperation, teaching, motivating, and more.  My favorite resource is Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen.

Lots to practice this week.

[Insert Blog Title]

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[Insert Blog Post Here]

Soon, dear readers.  I have many posts swirling in my head and little time for typing.  But soon.

The final extremity, or a history of marriage with this man.

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Arm # 1:  (injury location–Tallulah Gorge) 

We’d only been married a few months when my husband showed up at our door cradling a sublexed shoulder.  Covered in dirt with leaves in his hair.  I don’t remember the details.  I’m sure it was a great story.  He had injured it while running the infamous Tallulah Gorge.  After bravely telling his kayak party to “go ahead without me, I’ll be fine,” he climbed out of the gorge carrying his boat and painfully made his way home.  The next day, we welcomed Dr. Baumgarten into the family. 

Leg # 1:   (injury location–Middle-of-Nowhere, NY)

Famous last words, “just one more tree.”  Scott and I had taken 10 teenagers deep into the woods to work on a project.  We were building a prayer glade meant for seclusion and beauty.  We had transported all the kids to this spot via a tractor-pulled hay cart.  The manly men of our party–two college students and Scott–were “clearing the view” (i.e. chainsawing all the poor trees in their path) on a ridiculously steep incline.  The injury was, well, let’s just say it was gruesome.  A very bumpy hay-ride, ambulance transport, and a terrible introduction to NY public hospitals = icing on the cake. 

Yes, that is my hubs in the middle.  The one brandishing the chainsaw.  And yes, the pic to the left was taken just before the drama.  The Prayer Rim project turned out nicely, though.  We can truly say it was built with blood, sweat, and tears.  The tears were mine (and Josh Finch’s). 

  

Leg # 2:  (injury location–icy trail, NC)

A slip on ice while hiking results in a broken leg–not the clean break kind, of course; the spiral break kind.  The kind that requires surgeries and pins.  Mr. if-its-gonna-happen-it-will-happen-in-the-middle-of-nowhere had to hike out of the wilderness by pulling himself along the ground.  Even crossing a river.  Why hello, again, Dr. Baumgarten.  Really, it has been too long.

Arm # 2 (injury location–Ocoee River, TN)

Kayak + big rock = broken face and another sublexed shoulder.  He’s scheduled for surgery tomorrow.  Should I bring cookies for our friend, Dr. B?

Norah’s Soapbox

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Norah on her future career: 

Me:  What are you drawing?

Norah:  It is a picture of what I want to be when I grow up.  I’m standing on a stage telling people how to have babies.

Scott:  That is called a soapbox. 

Me:  She is indeed my child

Norah on Noelle’s upcoming birth:

Norah:  I’m going to be the third person to hold baby Asher. 

Me:  Who is first?

Norah:  Uncle Zach.

Me:  You don’t think Aunt Noelle should be first?

Norah:  No, silly mama, Uncle Zach gets the baby out and then hands him to Aunt Noelle.  She feeds him.  And then it is my turn to hold him. 

Norah on her own birth one day:

Norah:  I sure hope you’re there with me, mama.  And I want Aunt Noelle to give me cups of ice water.  And I want my birth tub to be purple. 

After a playdate (with the midwife’s daughters):

Norah (whining):  Mama, it was my turn to have a baby but Tallulah wouldn’t let me.

Me:  Why wouldn’t Tallulah let you?

Norah:  Cause she said Clem had to nurse the baby before it could be born again.

The Gift of Grace

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I’m participating in a mama’s Bible study.  We are going through the book, The Ministry of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson.  Each week focuses on a gift mothers can give to their children.  This week’s gift is grace (my favorite!).

I thought I’d share some notes from each week’s class. 

Grace comes free of charge; no strings attached.  We don’t deserve this love and favor.  Absolutely nothing we can do to get it.  Only receive it.  And give it.  The Greek word for Grace is “charis” and the root is a verb meaning “I rejoice, I am glad.”

We talked about how a key component to grace is that it is unconditional.  Of course we love our kiddos unconditionally.  But conditional parenting can be sneaky.  So what does conditional parenting look like?  It includes

  • perceived love withdrawal:  even if you aren’t withdrawing your love when your child misbehaves, if your child thinks you are…it is conditional
  • “if you…then you” types of statements
  • when kids feel they are competing with something for our love (our work, the computer, facebook, siblings)
  • unrealistic developmental expectations
  • imposing our goals on our children–sports, classes, areas of interest

We looked at the story in John 21 when (after cooking breakfast for his disciples–I love this!), Jesus reaffirms his relationship with Peter and his belief in Peter’s ministry.  He doesn’t lecture, punish, shame Peter for denying him.  He doesn’t even bring it up.  As a mama, I have failed spectacularly and this story gives me hope.  It is also a great lesson on how I can interact with my kids when they fail spectacularly. 

Then we looked at John 13, when Jesus washed his disciples’ feet.  This story gives a picture of grace through servanthood.  We talked about how Jesus motivated obedience by putting the disciples’ welfare above his own.  Sometimes by giving them power.  We talked about children’s needs for power. 

We talked about the grace of encouraging words.  And looked at my favorite verse:  Zeph 3:17.  How can I quiet my children with love and rejoice over them with singing?

Our final area of grace is forgiveness.  Are our homes safe enough places for confession?  Or will our kids hide their behavior because they fear the punishments?  And when kids mess up, we don’t need to burden our kids with guilt for what they’ve done.  God doesn’t do that to us.  He forgives and forgets. Romans 2:4.  What leads us to repentance?  Kindness.  How can consequences and discipline be tempered with kindness?

We ended the week’s study with a discipline tool:  the Comfort Corner.  A comfort corner teaches children an important life skill:  to learn to step away and regroup when they are in crazyland.  Just as adults need a coffee break, children do, too.  The most important factor in using this tool is to remember the CC is a safe zone.  There is no talk of the behavior or discipline in the CC.  The CC is for having a snack, snuggling, reading a book, playing, cooling down.  The issue or behavior can be addressed later when you and the child have calmed.  There is also no forcing a child to go to the CC.  You can suggest it or even place them there but they can leave when they choose.  I suggest adults have CCs as well!  We introduced a comfort corner to Norah at around 14 months.  Norah’s CC was first a corner of the family room with floor pillows, then it was an indoor tent.  Now it is her bed. 

Next week’s gift is inspiration.