Author Archives: juliebyers

Elizabeth’s Hypnobirth

[Shared with permission]

 

On February 18, 2008, I donated blood at the local blood connection.  I randomly asked the phlebotomist, “What happens if you give blood and you are pregnant?”  The response was, “You may miscarry?”.  Well, you can guess that I took a test the next morning, February 19, 2008.  I took a pregnancy test at 6:30 am, 7:30 am, 8:30 am, and 9:30 am.  Interesting they all said that same thing, pregnant.  I told my husband that night by putting a pregnancy test in the bottom of a chocolate tin.  I told him I had something sweet for him. What an exciting time!  We are going to be parents. 

 

On June 9, 2008 we found out we were having a girl, wait, no a boy.  The technician was in training and misread the ultrasound initially. Yeah, a little drummer boy.  What a blessing to see a life growing inside you.  Every precious flutter, kick, and roll made me more aware that I was going to be a mommy.   clip_image0021

 

We had a lot of decisions to make.  One conversation was taken care of for us, finances.  On March 7, 2008, we became debt free thanks to prayer and God’s gift of teaching to Dave Ramsey.  The next were labor options and support.  We wanted no medical intervention so I needed to find different ways to deal with the pressure waves of labor and delivery.  We tossed around the idea of a birthing doula for some time.  I loved the concept, but pride stepped in.  My independent self didn’t want any help. My husband, the free spirit, stated that you only give birth once to this child and the doula would help us both, especially him.  He had a great point since I was more nervous about his response during labor and delivery than my own.  Luckily I had a friend, Julie Byers, that is a doula so I automatically felt comfortable.  I also wanted to integrate hypnobirthing.  My employers contract psychologist, Dr. Wood, did sessions with several fellow employees that swear by this self-hypnosis technique.  You use your natural instincts to bring about a safer, easier, more comfortable birthing experience.  Hypnobirthing is incorporating deep relaxation techniques where some mothers report little or no pain.  Dr. Wood is very limited about what clients he takes on, but prayerfully I was one of them.  Last was our OB and hospital.  In the beginning we put no thought into where to birth and what doctor, but after seeing five of the OB’s at Highlands Center for Women and taking the Greenville Memorial tour, we were very troubled.  We received a negative vibe with these places because they advocate medical intervention and we were afraid that our birthing plan would not be carried out at these facilities.  My doula recommended Dr. Stafford and Greer Memorial. I was nervous about a male doctor since I had never seen a male doctor and I was also nervous about the drive to Greer in the urgency of labor.  After much prayer and research, we felt a peace that we cannot explain so we decided to change facilities.

 

The due date was set for October 24, 2008 and when that date rolled around and no baby, we became very disappointed, but what a time to reflect on God’s goodness.   We were taught patience and trust as this little baby was 13 days post due.  On the night of November 5, 2008, I was admitted to the hospital and was scheduled to begin the induction at 6:00 am on November 6, 2008.  I kept telling everyone, that he would come on his own.  My husband and I prayed and prayed he would.  I was told if I went into labor before 6:00 am, they would cancel the pitocin.  At 5:30 am, I started having contractions at 4-5 minutes apart lasting a minute.  I told Russ to call our doula.  When they checked me, I was at 4 cm. The pitocin was canceled.  Thank you for answered prayers and what timing, thirty minutes before the dreaded pitocin. 

 

100_2860What an amazing gift we have in our bodies.  God has equipped us as women with everything we need to give birth.  It is not a medical emergency, but a natural process.  I learned to trust my body that day.  I never stayed in the bed.  I moved around the room, laboring on the birthing ball, in the tub, hands and knees, and even on the toilet and leaning against the rods in the bathroom.  I learned to trust others that day.  My support team was amazing.  My husband stood by me the entire time.  He sensed my needs through every pressure wave.  This time of intimacy was like no other. 

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Our doula, was there to lead us through everything.  She was very knowledgeable about natural labor and delivery, hospital procedures, and non-medical interventions (counter pressure, aromatherapy, etc).  Julie would continually encourage us and the staff to stick to the birth plan.  My doctor, Dr. Stafford, was like no other doctor.  He is aware of the normality of birth and really has his patient’s best interest in mind.  He encouraged me while I labored and pushed.  He even helped hold me up while I pushed in the squatting position.  He stuck to our birth plan and made sure that the nurse did as well.  The nurse, Tammy, was great even though you could tell she was out of her comfort zone as she is used to her patients having an epidural, pitocin and staying in bed. She was open to our needs and that is what patient care should really be.   
 

After 9 ½ hours of labor and 40 min of pushing we welcomed Elijah Russell Chapman to the world.  He weighed 7 pounds 15 ounces and was 20 inches long.  He was beautiful, perfect.  What an honor to be trusted with one of God’s children.  I experienced a feeling like no other that day, instant love.

 

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Special thanks to all the people who helped make this experience perfect.  You will never be forgotten.

 

I hope I do not offend anyone by my birth story. That was not my intention.  The great thing about being parents is you have the opportunity to make your labor and delivery however you wish.  You have to decide what is best for you and your baby. We all have the same goal and that is a healthy baby. We may just arrive there differently.

 

In awe of the gift of life,

 

Elizabeth

 

Supermom.

Yeah right.

BUT…I did accidentally find a parenting tool that works on my soon-to-be three year old. 

Norah doesn’t tantrum often.  When she does–look out!  A few months back, when she was stomping her feet and crying hysterically, I couldn’t keep myself from giggling.  I know, awful of me.  The unexpected result:  Norah started giggling.  Huh.

So far, it has worked 98% of the time.  It is hard for me to muster a guffaw when my cortisol levels are rising from the horrible sounds emerging from my child.  But I call upon the skills learned in David Dolge’s sophomore drama class and voila:  we’re soon all giggling and snorting. 

I was especially excited when it worked in front of my sister.  I totally looked like supermom, I’m certain.

I wonder how long this tool will work.  One thing that become obvious early on in this parenting gig:  what works today will not work tomorrow.  Keeps us on our toes, yes?

Want to know more about crazy tools like giggling when your child is tantruming?  Check out Lawrence Cohen’s book Playful Parenting or take a look at this article or this one.  Meanwhile, is tantruming a word?  Spell check doesn’t thing so.

Norah’s Playlist

My toddler has a playlist.  She has, um, strong feelings about her music choices.  And she can get pretty upset when we can’t understand what she’s asking us to play.

I understand.  I used to sing “Rock Me on the Desk” and I can’t tell you how many church hymns I had wrong–“Lead on O Kinky Turtle” for example.  I’ve had a fun (and occasionally frustrating) time understanding Norah’s car ride song requests.  Here is a sampling.  Betcha you can’t figure them out either.   

“East Dream”  or the “Clap, Clap Song”

“Clementine”

“The Lucy Song”

“Sweet Song”

“Oh Grayson” (she has a cousin named Grayson)

“Um-be-way”

“Town-o”

“Boats are with Us”

I Dig

So here are a few of my latest favorites:

Belly Chimes

Virtual Labor Game

Felted Slippers

Bamboo Kitchen Utensils

Reusable Sandwich Bag (which my mother-in-law helped me sew myself–Yay!)

Plan Toys Balancing Monkeys (which Norah never tires of playing)

Kanoe

Bathroom Reading

What is on (or near) your porcelain throne?

Pregnancy, Power, and Parenting

I spoke yesterday at an Attachment Parenting Forum.  The topic was how choices in childbirth were related to the first AP Principle:  preparing for pregnancy, birth, and parenting.  I joined a forum with a midwife and two childbirth educators

In my classic style, I did not prepare at all.  I had no idea what I was going to say.  So I was pleasantly surprised when coherent words came out of my mouth.  And I was even happier that when I finished speaking, I agreed with what I had said.  Sounds schizophrenic, yes?  Welcome to my public speaking technique.    

I said that one of my primary roles as a doula is to guard power.  I don’t care what kind of birth my clients choose or end up having; my concern is that they retain their power throughout.  They are not bullied or undermined.  They have informed consent.  They understand and claim responsibility for their birth.  The power of pregnancy and birth springboard us into confident parenting.  When our friends and family question our AP methods or on a sleepless night 5 months postpartum, we question ourselves, we can draw on the strength and trust learned through birth. 

Parenting is not rocket science.  It is much harder.  It calls for something more than mere instruction manuals.  It demands an inner strength beyond anything else.  Those 9 months of pregnancy and however many hours of labor and birth can lay a firm foundation for our parenting; particularly when our choices are questioned at every turn.

Pumpkin Bread

I served pumpkin bread at our monthly Blessingways on Saturday.  A couple of attendees asked me to post the recipe.  I wish I could say it was healthy.  It isn’t.  Not a whit.  And I’m a terrible recipe-follower so this is how I *think* I made it:

In a large bowl, mix:  2 cups pumpkin, 1/4 cup oil (I used pecan oil), 1/2 cup applesauce, 1 cup brown sugar, 1 cup raw cane sugar, 4 eggs.  Yes, 4.

In another bowl, mix:  2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour, 1 cup whole wheat flour, 2tsp baking soda, 1tsp salt, cinnamon, nutmeg, and ginger to suit your fancy.  I’m heavy on the cinnamon.  I threw in some wheat germ out of habit. 

Blend the two together.  Add walnut or pecans.  Toss in some coconuts or cranberries if you wish.  Pour in loaf or muffin pans.  Bake loaves at 350 for 1 hour.  Bake muffins at 350 for 30 minutes. 

No pictures because there is nothing left.  Not a crumb.

A doula’s challenge

Each week, I send an email to my pregnant clients.  These emails are usually for their eyes only but I thought I would share a recent one.  Note:  most of my clients (lately) are hospital births so we typically spend much of the labor in their homes.   

Restraint.  When folks ask me what is the hardest part of being a doula, I answer “restraint.”  We doulas get riled up about doctors and midwives who use unnecessary interventions.  “Humph,” we complain.  Why can’t they simply trust birth? 
 
But we are often guilty of the same thing.  When I first began as a doula, I thought I was supposed to whip out all my tricks and tools.  I figured these families were paying me to do something.  My thoughts went something like this:  “Ok, I need to do x to keep her labor from stalling.  I should do y to make sure the baby descends.  I must do z to encourage her to release more oxytocin.”  You realize what I was doing?  Using unnecessary interventions.  Maybe they were harmless and maybe they even helped but they may not have been necessary.  And sometimes, they took away power from the birthing woman. 
 
Why couldn’t I simply trust birth? 
 
Do you remember those early studies on doulas–you know, the ones that showed incredible reductions in c-sections and other interventions and incredible increases in mother satisfaction?  Most often, the mom didn’t even know she had a doula.  The doula was simply present as part of the medical team–it was a blind study.  Her mere continued presence resulted in positive outcomes.  How could that be? 
 
It is a tricky profession.  In the aftermath of a normal birth, it should feel like the doula or the midwife/doctor didn’t do anything.  Our goal should be to fade into the background of the story.   
 
Now don’t worry–this rambling doesn’t mean that I’m not going to give you nice foot massages or help you relax during your labor.  It does not mean that if I suspect any roadblocks (positioning, difficulty focusing, etc), I won’t pull out a trick or two.  But if your labor is progressing normally, sometimes the best tool I have is simply to be there.  To be a gatekeeper or lifeguard; not a director.  And yes, I struggle with this.  I want to jump in and save the day. 
 
Ah, but you don’t need to be saved.  This journey is yours and you are the hero in this adventure. 
 
Homework:  Trust is an essential element in normal birth.  Do you trust your body?  For some women, pregnancy may offer the first challenge of this sort; the first opportunity you’ve had to be awe-struck by your amazing body at work.  Practice trust and intuition by asking and listening during pregnancy.  For example, thoughtfully ask yourself questions like “how does my body want to stretch?” “should I rest now?” “what would nourish me today?”  
 
This quote was written to midwives but I think it applies to all those who are invited into the presence of birth: 
Do good without show or fuss. 
Facilitate what is happening rather than what you think ought to be happening. 
If you must lead, lead so the woman is helped yet still free and in charge.  
When the baby is born, the woman will rightly say, “We did it ourselves.” 
–from the Tao Te Ching

A flinging reckless hum

Many birds and the beating of wings
Make a flinging reckless hum
In the early morning at the rocks
Above the blue pool
Where the gray shadows swim lazy.

In your blue eyes, O reckless child,
I saw today many little wild wishes,
Eager as the great morning.

                       –Carl Sandburg

 

Thinking today of childhood and imagination. 

I remember so well the feeling of childhood play:  making beds out of moss, carrying a wand made from a china berry twig, creating a complex world from my grandmother’s buttons.  We can’t go back to it.  The closest comes in watching our children capture it.  Sometimes I watch Norah with a jealousy for that time. 

I wish to slip into her skin and remember when pretend was real.

I’m not afraid of the dark.

I love halloween.  And I’m a Christian.

Just 20 years ago, I remember attending our small conservative church’s annual halloween haunted house.  It was awesome!  And, yes, there were chainsaw chases, opening coffins, and wiggling hands coming out of the floor vents.  My, my how culture changes. 

Now I’m not proposing churches start trying to out-do all the haunted houses in town.  I’m not even proposing they celebrate halloween.  Honestly, what bugs me is “trunk-or-treat.”

Trunk-or-Treat.

Does anyone else picture an ominous man slamming a kid in a trunk?  If “trunk-or-treat” is supposed to parallel “trick-or-treat,” then the trunk sounds like a scary thing–a trick.  I don’t think the phrase was well thought-out…but maybe that is the english degree talking. 

Really, though, churches are saying, “We’re not celebrating halloween.  Nope.  Kids are simply dressed up in costumes and walking around getting candy”  Ah, alrighty.  And the kids are probably thinking, “even though we’re doing the same thing our halloween-celebrating friends are doing, we’re ok because we’re doing it at church and calling it something (slightly) different.   

I do understand the point of these spin-off celebrations.  I really do.  Halloween makes churches uneasy.  Kids want to do something on halloween.  Parents want to offer an alternative.  But, wow…make it a true alternative.  Distinguish it.  Be creative.  “Harvest festival” or “Reformation Party” would even sound slightly better and be less confusing. 

Some things are simply not clear cut.  Some subjects deeply divide Christians.  Delightfully, I have freedom in Christ.  I can carve pumpkins, trick-or-treat, dress up, and watch It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown without being afraid of the dark.  It is a genetic fallacy to assume I’m celebrating pre-Christian rites by participating in these activities.  These things have lost their pagan meanings much like mistle-toe, Easter eggs, and church steeples.  If your family does not celebrate halloween, I figure you have good reasons for it and respect that wholeheartedly!  Still, if I see you at a “trunk-or-treat,” I might tickle you until you’re forced to admit you’re really trick-or-treating…      

Salt dough ornaments Norah and I made this weekend.