Monthly Archives: March 2011

Guest Post from a new Hypno-Doula

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Kristin Abboud took my Hypno-Doula training in January.  I asked her to blog her first Hypnobabies birth experience.  Her clients were first time parents who took my class.  Kristin teaches Bradley birth classes and is available for doula clients.  Hire her.   

I was fully planning on studying up on hypnosis and Hypnobabies to be certified as a Hynobabies doula 2 weeks prior to the due date of a couple I would be attending in labor, so when the dad called me 3 weeks before their due date I was nervous.

All I have ever known about hypnosis is that you get called out of a crowd to go up on stage and make a fool out of yourself doing crazy things.  How in the world was that going to translate to labor?  I soon found out.

I knew the basics.  Hypno-tools like the light-switch, cue word, and special safe place.  I had learned that hypnosis can be powerful.  I learned that a lot of the time, as a hypnobabies doula, you don’t really do much.  I was skeptical.

I went to their home and all was calm…too calm.  Went for a walk.  Came back and mom laid down to rest and listen to a hypnosis script while I crocheted.  About 20 minutes later dad came in and tells me mom is crying, pressure waves are intense and they want to go to the hospital.  

Transferring slows everything down, but dad is assertive about communicating with the nurse their wishes and what hypnosis is all about – quiet.   Only positive communication can be used around a momma in hypnosis.  She internalizes everything and that will be what she feels and perceives.

I have to say that I was antsy to get things moving.  She didn’t seem to be making progress visibly.  She listened to scripts through ear phones and barely made a peep.  Once in a while she would say “peace” or make a little moan. It was during scripts that the most work seemed to be getting done.   Vaginal exams were refused.  I wanted to DO something.  Shouldn’t we be walking, swaying, massaging, praising, encouraging, timing?  Shouldn’t she be breathing harder, moaning, groaning, snapping, needing?

Time, time was what was needed.  There were hints and clues here and there that things were progressing.  I couldn’t tell when a pressure wave began or subsided so timing was no use.  When she was on the monitor we caught a glimpse of her waves.  They would rise half way and hold on for 2 minutes or longer.  I watched her when they would start, peak and end.  Her hypnosis was so well practiced and trusted, she hardly flinched at the pressure.

Patience was of the utmost importance.  Dad seemed to overflow with it.  He trusted as well.  I, on the other hand, was getting worried that she was too relaxed and this was never going to happen.  Again, I kept thinking about all the things we could be doing and trying.  I texted my wise friend and Hypnobabies instructor for advice.  She said there wasn’t anything better to do than the hypnosis stuff, and to think of it as “supporting her brain rather than her body”.

There it was again, patience.  Patience is not my forte. I can feign it pretty well though! 😉

She slid into pushing without much fuss, although I could tell she didn’t want to give in to it.  I would love to attend more Hypnobabies trained moms to see what pushing is like for them because again, not much seemed to be happening. Dad and I decided to put the pushing script on which is to be played out loud.  2-3 nurses and the doctor were there to hear it.  Mom had maybe 2 pressure waves during the 20 minute script.  When it ended, it was like a complete turn-around.  Mom got down to business and her baby emerged in no time.  And just like that mom flipped a switch and was fully present and eating up every delicious feature of her sweet baby girl.

I’m sold. Hypnosis for labor works.

Choosing for YOU

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My amazing Hypnobabies students, Jenni and Brandon, were featured on the official Hypnobabies blog yesterday.  I love this story so much. 

I talk to so many women who choose to birth in a way counter to their intuition because of someone else’s desires.  They say things like “Well, my husband doesn’t want…” or “My insurance doesn’t cover…” or “Since this is my first baby…maybe the next one…”

Jenni is the only mom I’ve ever encountered who had the birth SHE wanted even after making a plan for the birth OTHERS wanted. 

Moms, please listen to your inner mama voice.  If this is your first pregnancy, you may not have heard this voice before.  Recognize it.  Your intuition is powerful in pregnancy.  You are wise.  Listen carefully.  Explore every inclination.  And in the end…birth where/how/with whom you feel safest and most loved.

Drop the excuses that are stopping you from having the birth of your dreams.

By the way, THIS is what Jenni looked like after her dream birth.  A blissed out mama!

More from birth in the 50’s

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Remember this post about my grandmother’s pregnancy book?  How modern medicine has taken away that old “bugbear” childbirth pain?  I’ll be posting a few tidbits as I re-read Expectant Motherhood.

“There is no reason for believing that a woman who smokes moderately, let us say ten cigarettes a day, need change her custom.  If you have been used to smoking considerably more than this for several years, by no means try to give them up in pregnancy.  There is no surer way of upsetting the nerves at a period when you should be calm and happy, or of converting a placid, sweet-tempered girl into an intolerable shew.”

“Sexual Intercourse:  Under no circumstances is sexual intercourse permissible during the last month of pregnancy.  This is one rule which is extremely important and absolute.  Prior to the last month of pregnancy, intercourse is harmless in moderation.”

There were only two pregnancy tests available.  The first, “a sound and trustworthy test” involved injecting the woman’s morning urine into a mouse or rabbit.  Within 48 hours, if the woman is pregnant, the ovaries of the animal change.  But it is expensive.  The second, “the frog test” involved injecting a South African toad with the woman’s urine.  Within 18 hours, if the woman is pregnant, the toad lays eggs. 

Or, they could perform an x-ray around the fifth month. 

The physician will check for syphilis.  “Ten years ago this disease was among the ‘unmentionables’ and even to hint that a patient might have it constituted a grave offense.  We realize today that a certain number of cases are traceable to other means of exposure such as kissing and the use of public drinking cups–the so-called ‘syphilis of the innocent.'”

More to come.

Judging a mama by her kid’s behavior

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Stop it.  Just stop it. 

I was hanging out with some toddlers yesterday in a nursery and one kid was simply a terror from the time he arrived.  He was picking on a few kids, crying, refusing to listen to dear Mrs. Charlotte–the nursery leader.  Mrs. Charlotte is the gentlest soul on the planet, by the way.  She finally asked me to call his mom.  I did.  She came.  He went.  Later he came back and apologized to Mrs. Charlotte and the other children. 

Now.  It never occurred to me to judge the mama for her kid’s behavior.  I can think of a million reasons which have nothing to do with how he is parented to explain why he was behaving that way.  The number one reason:  he was THREE. 

Did you know that a child’s critical faculty is not fully developed until age 6 or 7?  The critical faculty is the part of the conscious brain which judges, analyzes, and evaluates what people say.  In many ways, this helps us understand a child’s behavior.  They are not fully socialized yet.  Every outing or interaction is practice for them.  And in a very important way, this underdeveloped critical faculty emphasizes how words we  say TO children may be absorbed by them.  They do not have the ability to filter messages yet.  Every word they hear is internalized.  A label or a hateful word plants deeply.

Kids are different.  Or haven’t you noticed?  Some are mellow, some shy.  Some like to please.  Some are spirited.  Talkative.  Energetic.  Some have special needs, sensory issues.  Some react behaviorally to certain foods.  Some are loud.  Some have no fear.  Some are slow-to-warm-up.  Some are skeptical.  Grumpy.  Easy-going.  Extroverted. 

Parents are different.  Some are routine-oriented.  Some are strict.  Some are scattered.  Messy.  Neat.  Some yell.  Some hit.  Some use timers and charts.  Some love to cuddle.  Play.  Talk.  Some worry about what people think.  Some read parenting books.  Some do what their parents did.  Some get embarrassed by their kids.  Some helicopter.  Some free-range. 

ALL of us worry about whether we’re doing it *right.*

When someone judges our parenting, it hits that core fear–are we doing it right?  I apparently make an easy target.  I’m pretty open about my struggles with the girls and I also talk/blog about my choice to use gentle discipline.  It is gloriously easy for another mama to dismiss gentle discipline by pointing out certain behaviors in my girls.  Please.  Smarter people than me choose gentle discipline.  They even write books.  If you have a problem, take it up with the experts.   

Let me make it clear, then. 

Obedience is not my primary goal in discipline.  Obedience is wonderful.  I want my kids to obey.  But that is not the FIRST thing I’m working on.  I don’t want to merely correct a behavior.  I want to disciple my children in such a way that they CHOOSE the right behavior to begin with.  Discipling takes time.  It works slowly.  Its primary tool is relationship. 

Jesus was perfect.  And yet his disciples were denying him and betraying him and cutting off ears after several years of close relationship.  Probably not the behavior he was looking for. 

I am not perfect.  My children tantrum and whine.  They get bossy and impolite.  They have many behaviors I’m not looking for.  But I don’t want quick fixes.  I don’t want them to do things “because I said so.”  I don’t want pushovers who will become pressured teens and railroaded adults.  I want strong, emotionally healthy children.  And if that means, they sometimes want to know the reason I say “no” and everything is up for debate–so be it.  I can live with that.      

So gossipy concerned mom at the playgroup:  if it appears my children are unruly, if it appears I’m not time-outting/spanking/fill-in-the-blanking to your satisfaction, please understand that I am working on the behavior.  In ways you don’t witness.  I’ve learned that with my kids, discipline works best when they are calm.  Not when they are in the middle of a tantrum and not when they are angry.  Besides, they are my children…not yours.

I’ve said this before but it bears repeating.  Parenting is hard.  It doesn’t matter how you discipline.  It is hard.  I’m doing my best and doing what feels right for my family.  I know you’re doing the same.  Because we all love our kids and want them to become healthy adults. 

Let’s please play nice and give each other grace.

More delayed cord clamping info

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Academic OB/GYN (who is in SC!) has a fantastic presentation on delayed cord clamping.  It is really worth taking some time to watch. 

Wonder what it would take to lure him up for a Blessingway?  No, even more importantly, I wonder what it would take to have him present this info at GHS?

Dear Public Health and Pediatric Nurses

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It is ok for a mama to breastfeed her baby during a painful procedure.  The baby will not die from choking on breastmilk. 

Let me repeat:  It is ok for a mama to breastfeed her baby during a painful procedure.

My first pediatric visit with my firstborn ended badly when the nurse refused to let me nurse Norah during an injection.  I was crying.  The doctor had told me I could but the nurses shut the door and said it wasn’t gonna happen.  One nurse said, “You’ll strangle that baby.”  And she tried to take Norah from me.  Rather roughly.  Yeah, that wasn’t gonna happen.  I left in a blaze of postpartum tears. 

Recently, a mama friend stopped in at the local health department to get a vaccination for her baby.  The nurse belittled her and bullied her about her vaccination choices.  Then told her she could not nurse her baby during the shot.  She would “aspirate that baby.”  Now, this mama had nursed her baby through every heel stick and injection.  He has never cried.  This time he did.  And the mama left in a blaze of postpartum tears.

Really, is this request such a big deal?  Do you really, really think that this activity is dangerous?  Has there been a case of a baby dying from breastfeeding aspiration?  I haven’t been able to find one.  And babies choke on breastmilk all the time.  Especially when mama has a forceful let-down. Maybe mamas with forceful let-downs should not be allowed to nurse.   

I found  this American Academy of Pediatrics statement:   Breastfeeding during a painful procedure such as a heel-stick for newborn screening provides analgesia to infants.

And this study in Canada:  There are no reports of adverse events, such as gagging or spitting up. Compared with the frequency of breastfeeding, vaccine injections are uncommon, and it is unlikely that an infant will associate breastfeeding with painful procedures.

And several others.   

What I did not find was anyone with anything to say about aspiration during breastfeeding.  Where is the evidence? 

I couldn’t believe this was such an issue.  The breastfeeding books I read told me to do it…then I couldn’t find anyone who would support it!  When I finally found a nurse willing to administer an injection while I breastfed Norah, I admit I was a little nervous.  Would she choke?  Nope, she didn’t even cry or turn to look at the nurse.  

So c’mon.  Lighten up on this one.  Be a baby-friendly nurse, please.

The Fair Exchange

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What:  A benefit for Noelle Slagel
When:  March 19, 9am-noon
Where:  Natural Baby, downtown Greenville
How:  Rent a space to sell your baby items or enter raffles to win wonderful gifts!
 
Join us as we say farewell to a local mama by raising awareness about human trafficking. Noelle Slagel will be returning to Cambodia on March 23rd with her husband and 6 month old son. Noelle will again be working with girls who have been rescued from brothels. Only this time, she’s a mama and needs to have a village of mamas supporting her.

We need your help to make this day a success!

We’re asking you to gather your gently used diapers, baby clothes, and gear to sell or swap. We’ll have a space for you to throw down a blanket and display your items. You keep your earnings and you’re responsible for all of your money and swaps. We suggest a 5.00 donation to “rent” your space.

We’ll also have raffle tickets for 1.00/ticket. Some of the raffles include a 1-hour massage by Blissful Massage, Henna Art by Katy, a free 3-d Ultrasound, and much more!

All proceeds from the day will go to Noelle. We’ll have info on how you can follow her journey and how you can get involved in local efforts to end human trafficking.

For parents who just want to come and shop for great deals, no need to rsvp. We’ll see you there!

If you’d like to reserve space to sell your stuff, please rsvp here or by emailing info (at) ilovenaturalbaby (dot) com.  We’ll send you more info as the date draws near. 

We’d like to make The Fair Exchange a semi-annual event to benefit other moms on a mission. But we will need your help!
 
 
 

Upcoming Classes

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Mindful Birth:  I have a few spots available for this childbirth class series.  We’re planning the reunion now for the babies born in the last series.  It is so wonderful to see couples on the other side of their births feeling strong and empowered by their experience!  Class begins March 25th and will meet until May 4th–a mix of Fridays and Wednesdays to accommodate schedules.  7pm-9pm in Greenville.  Email for more info (j_byers (at) bellsouth (dot) net)

Hypnobabies:  Begins May 6th and will meet for six consecutive Fridays from 6pm-9pm.  I have three spots remaining for this popular series.

Cloth Diapering 101:  I teach this class every 3rd Saturday at Natural Baby.  1pm.  So, March 19 (following the amazing fundraiser/consignments sale—more to come on that), join me to learn about your options for cloth diapering.  Last month was standing room only!