Author Archives: juliebyers

Postpartum: the good, the bad, and the ugly

Having survived my first day alone with a 3 year old and a newborn, I am–if not settling into–at least, accepting my new normal. 

Here are some highlights from my first two weeks:

Husband:  Aside from being the best birth partner on the planet, Scott played host to our visitors, cleaned house, had special daddy/daughter dates with Norah, brought me 156 million cups of Mother’s Milk Tea, made delicious breakfasts, and was the all-around hero of the story.

Family:  My family is incredible.  They have fed me, cleaned my house, and picked up strange items I needed at obscure places (my mom went all over Greenville searching for myrrh, no-sugar added coconut water, and vegetarian capsules).  And check out the wonderful cloth wipes my mother-in-law sewed.  Yes, she embroidered “Cedar” on them.  I bet I have the only personalized bum wipes in town. 

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Friends:  I knew my friends were wonderful but wow!  First, this food chain idea is the best.postpartum.gift. EVER.  Period.  We’ve been supplied with a delicious meal every night–beginning with mom bringing our traditional Sunday feast over after the birth.  I’ve had friends drive 45 minutes to an hour to bring a meal!  It has blown me away.  And Cassandra drove from the far side of the world to give me a day-after acupuncture treatment!  Spoiled.  Utterly spoiled.  And Scott keeps saying, “Wow, you have great friends!”  Yes.  Yes, I do.

Placenta:  When Carey heard I had more bleeding than expected, she swooped into action to arrange for my placenta to be encapsulated by our friend Crystal.  I had wanted to do this but felt I would be too busy with my “galactagogue plan” to take time to do it myself.  The placenta is rich in nutrients, vitamins, and hormones that can assist the body in recovering.  And many people believe that it can prevent or lessen the effects of postpartum depression.  In some studies, it has shown an 86% success rate in increasing milk supply.  So bring on the placenta. 

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Diapers:  Having never cloth diapered a newborn (we started late with Norah), I have been pleasantly surprised at how smoothly that has gone.  She hasn’t worn any disposables.  I was worried the meconium would stain.  It didn’t.  I had two grassy green stains (from the chlorophyll supplement I’m taking) that disappeared after I put the dipes in the sun for a few hours.  Magic.   

Breastfeeding:  This one is a day-by-day.  I had breast reduction surgery 12 years ago.  There have been days I supplement an ounce or so with donated breastmilk based on signs from Cedar and her weight.  I’m using a syringe and feeding her with it while she is latched and actively nursing.  I prefer this method to the SNS.  I weigh her almost daily with the same scale we used at birth.  I definitely have more milk than I did with Norah.  It takes two weeks for domperidone to reach maximum effectiveness so I’m hopeful my supply will continue to increase.  I increased my domperidone dosage from 90mg/day to 120mg/day this week.  Unfortunately, the domperidone causes horrible headaches and the only thing that helps is a cup of coffee.  Do I give my child caffeine so that I can continue to make milk?  Yep.  I’ve been reading that the headaches fade with time.  So we’re still in a wait-and-see place.  But I’m hopeful.  And regardless, I know I’ve done everything I could.  I feel really positive. 

Babywearing:  Hoorah for wearing babies!  Cedar loves being worn.  So far, the Maya ring sling and the Moby wrap have been her favorites.  I didn’t expect to use the ring sling much since I prefer wraps.  I would have gotten a prettier sling.  I’m disappointed that she doesn’t like the My BabyNest.  But that is why I have so many products–she might like it next week…

In other news, I’ve been pooped on 4 times and peed on 3 times.  I’ve realized I need more nursing tanks.  I spend most of my day nursing.  I’m writing this blog entry with a sleeping baby snuggled to my chest in a Moby wrap.  I love it.

Birth Story Part Two: Places Everybody

Where was I?  Oh yes, utterly deflated.  Late Saturday night, we went to Publix to buy groceries.  I had clipped all the coupons already so I had to go.  Right, coupon moms?   Then I stayed up too late.  And went to sleep listening to a Hypnobabies script.  During the night, I felt pressure waves come and go but ignored them.  At 6am, I thought I might time a couple–10 minutes apart.  No big deal then.  I listened to another script.  Around 7:45, Scott brought a warm rice sock and turned on some Fleet Foxes.  What a nice way to wake.

PhotobucketScott singing to meActive Labor

At 9am, it was like someone flipped a switch.  I was making breakfast when the pressure waves went from 10 minutes apart to a very serious 3 minutes apart.  The energy changed and I told Scott I was having a baby today.  I managed to eat my eggs and toast while standing and rocking.  Again, I noticed how much I was thinking like a doula.  What position should I take?  Should Scott sift me?  What about belly-lifting?  Do I need to do the rotisserie?  Argh, the voice in my head!

Then, without thinking, with the next pressure wave, I began reciting T.S. Eliot’s “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock.”  Yes, a poem about a balding man’s mid-life crisis.  Yes, that is the focal point I chose folks.  Not a nice Psalm.  Not a beautiful song.  Not even a poet like Neruda or Rilke.  I could recite to line 22 (“curled once about the house, and fell asleep”) before the wave ended.  I did not feel pain just an intense squeezing sensation.

IMG_8648At 10:35am, Scott wrote in the birth log that I said a horrible curse word.  Friends–brace yourself.  At the end of a pressure wave during which I forgot the words to my poem, I said “Dad-gum.”  Time to get into the birth tub.  Ah, the birth tub.  Bliss.  I could drape over the sides and flip my Hypnobabies light switch to “off.”

Using hypnosis, I totally kicked transition’s butt.  Oh yeah.  Smiling and relaxing, this birth was a piece of cake.  Until at 1pm, I swore again.  Scott notes that I said “Yowzers.”  (Ahem, Kelley are you reading?  I will never pick on you again).

I should interject that Cedar was sounding beautiful.  She was actively involved and had a great heart rate the whole time.  Never gave us a worry.

I began feeling a little pushy.  I was really looking forward to pushing.  My firstborn, Norah, was so easy-breezy to push (although her 32 hour labor was challenging).  I pushed Norah out in 20-something minutes with barely a sound.  Ah, but Cedar.  My first tentative push with Cedar told me something was different.  And I began to fear.  Fear+birth=pain.  What was I afraid of?   Well the doula brain was happy to rush back into high gear and tell me.  I was afraid of a posterior baby.  A nuchal hand.  Tearing.  Having to transport for suturing.  Shut up, thinking brain!

Scott got into the tub at 1:20 and I tried pushing a few times while standing up.  Then squatting.  Both were overwhelming in sensation.  I birthed Norah while squatting and I was barely aware of her descent.  In fact, she took all of us by surprise when she tumbled out in between contractions.  Cedar.  Oh Cedar.  First to present was the bag of waters–yep, still intact.  I felt it with my hand and it was so hard.  Until it broke–nice gush of clear fluid.  Then, I felt Cedar descending like a freight train.  I was on my knees but moved to a knee-crouch kind of position.  Really, I think I was crouched because I was contemplating jumping out of the tub and just running away.  Scott applied counterpressure to my perineum.  I put pressure on my front and around the head.  Wow, the sensations were incredible.  And not incredible like orgasmic birth incredible.  Nope, none of that.  Scott said something later about feeling the energy and power of my uterus.  He said birth should be an olympic sport because of that powerful muscle.

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Cedar was born at 2:18.  Scott caught her and brought her to the surface.  She was not posterior.  No nuchal hand.  And I did not tear.  On my chest, I rubbed her and snuggled her.  She looked so healthy.  And she was.  I didn’t want to look to see if she was a girl or boy.  That took some time.

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After the placenta came, Scott clamped and cut the cord.  No one noted the time but I know Cedar was already nursing by then.  We got out of the tub.  I drank some OJ.  We examined Cedar (heart rate, respiration, temp, etc).  Unfortunately, my bleeding was a bit heavy and my uterus was not clamping down as well as it could have.  So I got a shot of pitocin, took some herbs, and had lots of “fun” fundal massage to get my uterus to contract.

Cedar weighed in at 8lbs 10oz and was 21 inches long.

Then we all went to bed.  And I pretty much stayed there for 5 days.  Snuggling and nursing and being visited by lovely family and friends.  The great Cassandra even came the next day to give me an acupuncture treatment!  And sweet midwives-to-be Carey and Crystal picked up my placenta the next day and encapsulated it for me.  I also discovered how wonderful coconut water is for restoring electrolytes.  More about amazing placentas and postpartum time later.

Fini.

Birth Story Part One: The Dress Rehearsal

All right, here we go.  I’d been preparing for this birth with Hypnobabies and part of that program involves visualizing the details of your birth.  I chose to visualize a Friday birth between the hours of 1am and 6am.  Yeah, I don’t play around.  I threw down the gauntlet. 

On Friday, 3 days past my “guess date,” at approximately 1PM (ok, so it didn’t work perfectly), I had a gush of fluid while standing in the kitchen.  I was home alone.  The fluid was clear.  But did not continue to leak like it had during Norah’s birth.  I thought perhaps Cedar’s head had sealed it since the baby was already very low.  My pressure waves (Hypnobabies lingo for contractions) began immediately and were about 3-4 minutes apart.  I listened to Cedar using a doppler and he/she sounded great.  I waited an hour and then called Scott to come home.  The waves continued and I listened to a couple of Hypnobabies scripts on my ipod.  Everything was very relaxed and manageable.  I called my sister and told her to come when she wanted to. 

As things continued, I noticed that I was very much in my head.  In other words, I was thinking too much.  I was trying to doula myself.  And the waves were spacing out.  In an effort to get my mind elsewhere, I asked if we could play “Pass the Pigs” the game which always makes me laugh.  Except for one stellar Leaning Jowler, I tossed a terrible game (Scott won) but I laughed so hard.  Then we thought maybe we should go out to eat.  So we went for Mexican where I ate a ton of food and had great pressure waves.

When we returned home, it felt like Cedar had spun from ROA to a posterior position.  Pressure waves were spacing again.  We decided to try the birth tub.  The water should either stop things or intensify them. 

IMG_8461Let me interject here that La Bassine birth tub rocks!  So much better than the Aquadoula I used last time.  It was deep and roomy.  The floor inflates making it very comfortable and it has internal handles.  I hopped in.  It felt marvelous.  And, the waves spaced even farther.  But it was nice.  Scott was playing the guitar and singing some Iron and Wine.  Noelle had gone to bed.  It was an intimate and sweet time.  I got out of the tub and Scott got in.  His back was sore so he had some therapeutic time in the water.  Then we went to bed.  Ok, I admit I went to bed utterly deflated.

When I woke the next morning, I felt embarrassed and discouraged.  As a doula, I should have known if I was in “real” labor.  Good thing Noelle is a counselor since I needed some emotional processing (over chocolate muffins) Saturday morning.  Scott and I decided to spend the day watching movies, snuggling, and eating yummy food.  I cried several times through the day.  Hindsight:  it was really nice to have a dress rehearsal and from the intensity of many of the waves, it was “real” labor.  It was spinning the baby into position.  Maybe changing my cervix some.  More importantly, it gave me some warning that I needed to stop thinking like a doula and let my intuition take the reins.  I wasn’t sure how I was going to do that though.

Saturday night, as Scott was rubbing some pressure points on my lower legs, I watched my belly as Cedar spun to LOA–the best position for beginning birth. 

Now we were ready?

Introducing Cedar Olivia

IMG_8756I promise to post a full birth story in a few days with strange details like how “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock” played into my labor and how my stomach kept growling while I birthed.  And how I kept trying to doula myself–not a good thing.

In the meantime, the important stuff:

We have a girl!  8lbs 10oz.  She was born Sunday afternoon after a comfortable 5 hour labor.  Scott caught her in the water.  Everyone is doing well.  Cedar is such a healthy, strong dumpling.  And a GREAT nurser!

Positive Discipline Classes Scheduled

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Positive discipline has been a huge resource for my family.  And one of my favorite resources in the upstate is PD Educator, Kelly Pfeiffer.  Kelly teaches classes to families for a ridiculously low price through PRIDE.  Childcare is even available!  All classes last for 4 weeks and meet for 2 hours each week.  They meet at Brookwood Church in Simpsonville.  However, the classes are not affiliated with Brookwood and do not have a religious component.  Here is the fall line-up:

Teaching Your Children to “Fish” – Essential Life Skills for Teaching Independence
Tuesdays, September 1 – September 22, 6:30 – 8:30 pm

Click here to register for this class.

 Preparing children for real life means teaching them how to do laundry, cook, clean, maintain a car and more. Children who feel capable and genuinely needed misbehave less than children who are pampered. This active learning workshop explores the Significant Seven Perceptions and Skills that promote self-reliance in children and teens, teaches family tools for assigning age appropriate chores and helps parents practice follow-through techniques. Two class hours per week. Materials fee of $10.00 required (per family).
 
Don’t Flip Your Lid – Conflict Resolution for Families
Tuesdays, September 29 – October 20, 6:30 – 8:30 pm
Click here to register for this class.
Holding on to your thinking cap isn’t always easy when parenting. In this interactive class, learn about the brain’s emotional hard wiring so you can decrease personal stress overloads. Equip the whole family with de-escalation tools that push the reset button and teach healthy communication habits and self- calming skills. Two class hours per week.  Materials fee of $10.00 required.
Offered by PRIDE Parenting a service of Greenville Hospital System
 
Misbehavior Detectives – Understanding Beliefs Behind Your Child’s Misbehavior
Tuesdays, October 27 – November 17, 6:30 – 8:30 pm
Click here to register for this class.
Use your emotions as clues to reveal the main reasons for most misbehavior. This problem solving workshop will help parents take a closer look at misbehavior to develop new long term strategies for teaching children problem solving skills, responsibility and recovery skills. Two class hours per week.  Materials fee of $10.00 required.
Offered by PRIDE Parenting a service of Greenville Hospital System

If you have questions about the classes, please contact the PRIDE office by calling (864) 454-2102.

 

Maternity Pictures

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My snazzy friend, Abby, gifted me with a photo shoot with her snazzy friend, Erin O’Neil.  Erin is a talented photographer in Greenville.  It was fun, kinda awkward, and flattering all at once. 

Interested in more of Erin’s photography?  You can check her website for more info.

A Great Homebirth Article

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Jennifer Block has written another excellent article on homebirth.  A couple of tidbits from the article: 

The British government, in fact, is now nudging healthy women to stay home. ACOG, meanwhile, likes to pass out a bumper sticker to its members: “Home Deliveries are for Pizza.”

People deeply, deeply believe that a baby cannot be born without massive amounts of medical intervention, and it’s nearly impossible to overturn that cultural norm. There’s something blocking people from operating on the basis of the balance of evidence. There’s much more evidence on the safety of home birth than there is for elective cesarean section or so many of the other things that we do as a matter of course.

Interested in homebirth in SC?  Interview a midwife.

Lovelies

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This morning I find myself with nothing to do.  There isn’t anything left.  The nesting is over.  The honey-do list is checked off.  Norah is with my mom. 

I’ve wandered the house admiring lovely baby things.  Then, I grabbed some and took pictures.  Because, what else do I have to do besides sit on my birth ball and drink red raspberry leaf tea? 

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 The tye-die is a muslin swaddling cloth I ordered from an Etsy shop in Australia.  Norah was a winter baby.  Cedar will appreciate a lighter muslin fabric if she/he should fancy a swaddle.  If not, it will make a nice blanket, play cloth, etc.  The gift certificates are for acupuncture.  Woo-hoo!  A postpartum treat for me!  The necklace is also for me.  I will wear it in my birthing time.  And that white diaper is a tiny bamboo bumgenius.  So super soft!!  I think I’ll wait for the meconium to pass before using that white perfection.  The black is My Baby Nest–a wrap I didn’t have until Norah was bigger.  It is one of the first baby carriers I’ll use with a newborn. 

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More diapers.  Tiny newborn cloth diapers are irresistible.  I still shake my head that I have enough cloth diapers to completely diaper a child from newborn to toddler.  What a HUGE cost savings!  The two pants are wool longies.  Wool is the stuff when it comes to diapering.  The tiny blue diaper is also wool.  The heart diaper is the first one I plan to put on Cedar–lined with a fleece barrier to catch the dreaded meconium.  That little gray onsie isn’t new but I remember Norah in it–the outline of her full rounded belly stretching the fabric.  Sigh.  I won’t be using the baltic amber teething necklace or wooden bowl/spoon for awhile.  But I love admiring them!  Norah still wears her teething necklace so there was no hope of sharing it with Cedar. 

Pitiful, isn’t it?  This wistful wandering today.  I do have a massage with Natalie scheduled for this afternoon.  Bliss. 

In a final pregnancy update.  All systems are go.  My cervix is very nicely dilated and effaced–I’d call it at 3-4 cm.  My pressure waves (it is a Hypnobabies thing) are pleasant and picking up in consistency.  Honestly, as this baby keeps getting lower and lower.  I wonder if maybe I’ll simply skip first stage labor and go straight to pushing?  As I’m reading Hypnobabies birth stories, it seems like quite a few either go very quickly (birthing in cars and bathrooms) or miss/ignore first stage because they are so relaxed.  I feel relaxed.  I feel ready.  I feel birthy.

We’ll see.

A Mother-Centered Celebration for Me

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My beautiful friends, sister, and mom threw a Mother-Centered Celebration for me.  It was so perfect.  While baby showers are fun and result in lots of presents for the baby, a Mother-Centered Celebration focuses on the mother.  It is usually spiritual and ceremonial.

IMG_8462For my celebration, guests were instructed to bring a small plant that would become part of my birth garden.  Each guest wrote a word or phrase to include with their plant; words like “center” or “relax.”  The plants are meant to surround me physically during my birthing time.

I was also given a foot bath during which each mother dropped rose petals into the water while sharing their wisdom.  The not-yet mothers present massaged my hands.  Yes, I cried.

I received a journal filled with wise words from my guests.

And finally, we passed around a cord–each woman wrapping it around her wrist–that was then cut to make bracelets.  My sweet friends will wear the cords and remember me until Cedar is born.  And I don’t think it will be long…

The food was exotic and yummy.  The amazing Makesha made a perfect cake and petit fours.  It was such a special time.  Thank you Carey, Abby, Noelle, and Mom for the celebration.

When Maternity Leave Ends

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There is a typical pattern in most of my doula clients.  I see them immediately postpartum and we talk frequently by phone or email.  Then as they settle into parenting, I don’t hear much from them.  Until…

Until they return to work.  At this point there is usually a scramble as the moms navigate the world of pumping at work and encounter issues like milk supply, plugged ducts, and reverse cycling. 

Pumping is a learned skill.  Unless you are simply swimming in milk, there are tricks to pumping.  My favorite resource is www.workandpump.com.  It is the only working/pumping mama website that dares to discuss how a freezer stash can undermine, how co-sleeping can help, and how care providers can overfeed the breastfed baby. 

So if you’re heading back to work or if you know a mama who is struggling with pumping at work, check out this great website!