Heard in L&D

Posted on April 8, 2011 by juliebyers

“Pitocin is natural.  It is the same thing that is in your body to make the baby come out.  It even helps your milk come in!  All my babies have pitocin.”

Yes, spoken by an OB.  I think she even threw in a “girl,” or two into the conversation.  As in, “Girl, you’ve done the natural thing long enough.  Get the epidural!  I did!”

This same friendly OB also ruptured membranes without consent or warning.  Usually I am able to intercept a move like that so mom can give consent first, but I completely missed this one.  It happened so quickly.

When the mom did get an epidural (at 8cm, AROM) after “bad cop” OB suggested it could be another “five hours of excruciating torture,” pitocin was automatically administered and cranked.  The mom was progressing normally.  But “good cop” OB wanted to get home.  I heard her say this.  So Pit was cranked.  Not a gradual increase.  And I watched baby’s heartrate which had been varying in the 130’s-150’s immediately begin dipping to the 100’s during the fast-peaking pit contractions. 

But the pit worked quickly and soon a precious babe joined the world.

I’m thankful mom had a beautiful baby with few complications.  I wish the OBs had been more supportive, encouraging, and patient.  I wish there had been more informed consent.  The mom is happy which is the most important thing and lets me know I did my job.  It is her birth; not mine. 

What can expectant moms take from this?  Talk to the doulas in your community.  Even if you don’t plan to hire one.  Doulas know the inside scoop.  We witness what happens in L&D.  All OBs/midwives are not the same!  I show pictures.  Pictures of different styles in the birth room.  A picture speaks a thousand words.  Does the doctor wear what looks like a radiation suit; so covered you can’t even recognize her?  Does he hand the baby to the nurse instead of the mom?  My observations are just one part of the story but they are things I have witnessed.  Honestly, how else is a family to know what birth looks like in different environments, with different care providers?  I know one mom who wanted to switch to a more natural-birth friendly hospital but one doctor was booked for her date and the other group has a policy about taking patients after a certain date.  I was really saddened that she was unable to birth at the hospital she wanted. 

So, meet with a doula.  Early in pregnancy.  When there is time to interview other providers.

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Easter Traffic

Posted on April 6, 2011 by juliebyers

Two of my old posts always get loads of traffic around Easter:

Natural dyes for eggs

and

Cadbury Eggs

Update:  it looks like Cadbury Eggs in the US are still slave-made.  What can we do??  Global Exchange has some great ideas including a printable coloring page for children to mail to Hershey.  I’m considering throwing together a screening of The Dark Side of Chocolate to share in my community before Easter.  We’ll see if I can pull that off.  What will YOU do?

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First Tooth Fairy Gig

Posted on April 2, 2011 by juliebyers

After much drama involving a tooth barely hanging on and twisted sideways.  After Norah screaming, “Nobody touch it!!”  After encouragement from the Lewis kids.  “It won’t hurt and then the tooth fairy will come!”  After a quiet counseling session with Noelle.  “What makes you afraid?  Would you like to pray about your fear of blood?”  After walking around with a spit cup because she refused to swallow for an hour (her tongue kept touching the tooth).  After a mother contemplating sitting on the child and just getting it over with.  Norah calmly walked into the room holding her tooth and feeling as satisfied as I’ve ever seen her.

She had a tiny tooth fairy box that the dentist gave her.  To say she was excited is an understatement.  She made us take a bazillion pictures. 

For the last year, Norah has been very clear about one thing:  the tooth fairy will not bring her money.  The tooth fairy will “sparkle me.” 

Ok, easier said than done.  We had glitter glue ready.  We had sparkly tattoos on hand.  What we didn’t count on:  excited child.  Norah usually sleeps like a rock.  Not this night.  Each time we crept in to sparkle her, she woke up!  So we did it in increments.  Yes, we set the alarm to wake every two hours and try again.  One tattoo ended up on her forehead because Scott took advantage of rubbing her head back to sleep.  As he talked with her, he was applying the tattoo on her forehead.  It is still there. 

In the end, we got glitter footprints on her cheek, two tats on her arm, glitter down the other arm, and the tat on her forehead.  We also threw glitter all over her bed.  No, I didn’t regret that.  Totally worth the clean-up. 

She was so excited when she woke.  She is certain she saw the tooth fairy flying away.  Certain.  We had to leave early that morning to drive to Atlanta.  Norah’s unending chatter and excitement about her tooth helped make the good-byes with my sister, Zach, and Asher a little bit easier. 

Of course, after sharing her experience with other kids, she has decided next time she wants money.  The paper kind.  You know, mom?  The green kind.

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Blazing Trails

Posted on April 1, 2011 by juliebyers

Recently, my repeat client had a repeat breech.  I blogged once before about this amazing woman.

As you know, in the US, it is impossible challenging to find an OB willing to manage a vaginal breech birth.  Heading into a repeat cesarean, this mama did her research and opened a dialogue with her OB about her choices.

I’m delighted to report that Dr. Cowart with Greer OB supported her choice to wait 1 minute before clamping the cord and to have baby placed skin-to-skin.  She enjoyed skin-to-skin contact for over an hour after her baby’s birth. 

I hesitate in posting this because I’m afraid Greer OB will be overrun with families who want choices in their births!  Soon, they might become like Dr. Polo Shirt who is so busy he’s turning expectant families away. 

Thank you to this mama who maybe blazed a trail for other women to have this conversation!  And congratulations on your beautiful baby!

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Guest Post from a new Hypno-Doula

Posted on March 30, 2011 by juliebyers

Kristin Abboud took my Hypno-Doula training in January.  I asked her to blog her first Hypnobabies birth experience.  Her clients were first time parents who took my class.  Kristin teaches Bradley birth classes and is available for doula clients.  Hire her.   

I was fully planning on studying up on hypnosis and Hypnobabies to be certified as a Hynobabies doula 2 weeks prior to the due date of a couple I would be attending in labor, so when the dad called me 3 weeks before their due date I was nervous.

All I have ever known about hypnosis is that you get called out of a crowd to go up on stage and make a fool out of yourself doing crazy things.  How in the world was that going to translate to labor?  I soon found out.

I knew the basics.  Hypno-tools like the light-switch, cue word, and special safe place.  I had learned that hypnosis can be powerful.  I learned that a lot of the time, as a hypnobabies doula, you don’t really do much.  I was skeptical.

I went to their home and all was calm…too calm.  Went for a walk.  Came back and mom laid down to rest and listen to a hypnosis script while I crocheted.  About 20 minutes later dad came in and tells me mom is crying, pressure waves are intense and they want to go to the hospital.  

Transferring slows everything down, but dad is assertive about communicating with the nurse their wishes and what hypnosis is all about – quiet.   Only positive communication can be used around a momma in hypnosis.  She internalizes everything and that will be what she feels and perceives.

I have to say that I was antsy to get things moving.  She didn’t seem to be making progress visibly.  She listened to scripts through ear phones and barely made a peep.  Once in a while she would say “peace” or make a little moan. It was during scripts that the most work seemed to be getting done.   Vaginal exams were refused.  I wanted to DO something.  Shouldn’t we be walking, swaying, massaging, praising, encouraging, timing?  Shouldn’t she be breathing harder, moaning, groaning, snapping, needing?

Time, time was what was needed.  There were hints and clues here and there that things were progressing.  I couldn’t tell when a pressure wave began or subsided so timing was no use.  When she was on the monitor we caught a glimpse of her waves.  They would rise half way and hold on for 2 minutes or longer.  I watched her when they would start, peak and end.  Her hypnosis was so well practiced and trusted, she hardly flinched at the pressure.

Patience was of the utmost importance.  Dad seemed to overflow with it.  He trusted as well.  I, on the other hand, was getting worried that she was too relaxed and this was never going to happen.  Again, I kept thinking about all the things we could be doing and trying.  I texted my wise friend and Hypnobabies instructor for advice.  She said there wasn’t anything better to do than the hypnosis stuff, and to think of it as “supporting her brain rather than her body”.

There it was again, patience.  Patience is not my forte. I can feign it pretty well though! 😉

She slid into pushing without much fuss, although I could tell she didn’t want to give in to it.  I would love to attend more Hypnobabies trained moms to see what pushing is like for them because again, not much seemed to be happening. Dad and I decided to put the pushing script on which is to be played out loud.  2-3 nurses and the doctor were there to hear it.  Mom had maybe 2 pressure waves during the 20 minute script.  When it ended, it was like a complete turn-around.  Mom got down to business and her baby emerged in no time.  And just like that mom flipped a switch and was fully present and eating up every delicious feature of her sweet baby girl.

I’m sold. Hypnosis for labor works.

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Choosing for YOU

Posted on March 25, 2011 by juliebyers

My amazing Hypnobabies students, Jenni and Brandon, were featured on the official Hypnobabies blog yesterday.  I love this story so much. 

I talk to so many women who choose to birth in a way counter to their intuition because of someone else’s desires.  They say things like “Well, my husband doesn’t want…” or “My insurance doesn’t cover…” or “Since this is my first baby…maybe the next one…”

Jenni is the only mom I’ve ever encountered who had the birth SHE wanted even after making a plan for the birth OTHERS wanted. 

Moms, please listen to your inner mama voice.  If this is your first pregnancy, you may not have heard this voice before.  Recognize it.  Your intuition is powerful in pregnancy.  You are wise.  Listen carefully.  Explore every inclination.  And in the end…birth where/how/with whom you feel safest and most loved.

Drop the excuses that are stopping you from having the birth of your dreams.

By the way, THIS is what Jenni looked like after her dream birth.  A blissed out mama!

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More from birth in the 50’s

Posted on March 19, 2011 by juliebyers

Remember this post about my grandmother’s pregnancy book?  How modern medicine has taken away that old “bugbear” childbirth pain?  I’ll be posting a few tidbits as I re-read Expectant Motherhood.

“There is no reason for believing that a woman who smokes moderately, let us say ten cigarettes a day, need change her custom.  If you have been used to smoking considerably more than this for several years, by no means try to give them up in pregnancy.  There is no surer way of upsetting the nerves at a period when you should be calm and happy, or of converting a placid, sweet-tempered girl into an intolerable shew.”

“Sexual Intercourse:  Under no circumstances is sexual intercourse permissible during the last month of pregnancy.  This is one rule which is extremely important and absolute.  Prior to the last month of pregnancy, intercourse is harmless in moderation.”

There were only two pregnancy tests available.  The first, “a sound and trustworthy test” involved injecting the woman’s morning urine into a mouse or rabbit.  Within 48 hours, if the woman is pregnant, the ovaries of the animal change.  But it is expensive.  The second, “the frog test” involved injecting a South African toad with the woman’s urine.  Within 18 hours, if the woman is pregnant, the toad lays eggs. 

Or, they could perform an x-ray around the fifth month. 

The physician will check for syphilis.  “Ten years ago this disease was among the ‘unmentionables’ and even to hint that a patient might have it constituted a grave offense.  We realize today that a certain number of cases are traceable to other means of exposure such as kissing and the use of public drinking cups–the so-called ‘syphilis of the innocent.'”

More to come.

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Judging a mama by her kid’s behavior

Posted on March 16, 2011 by juliebyers

Stop it.  Just stop it. 

I was hanging out with some toddlers yesterday in a nursery and one kid was simply a terror from the time he arrived.  He was picking on a few kids, crying, refusing to listen to dear Mrs. Charlotte–the nursery leader.  Mrs. Charlotte is the gentlest soul on the planet, by the way.  She finally asked me to call his mom.  I did.  She came.  He went.  Later he came back and apologized to Mrs. Charlotte and the other children. 

Now.  It never occurred to me to judge the mama for her kid’s behavior.  I can think of a million reasons which have nothing to do with how he is parented to explain why he was behaving that way.  The number one reason:  he was THREE. 

Did you know that a child’s critical faculty is not fully developed until age 6 or 7?  The critical faculty is the part of the conscious brain which judges, analyzes, and evaluates what people say.  In many ways, this helps us understand a child’s behavior.  They are not fully socialized yet.  Every outing or interaction is practice for them.  And in a very important way, this underdeveloped critical faculty emphasizes how words we  say TO children may be absorbed by them.  They do not have the ability to filter messages yet.  Every word they hear is internalized.  A label or a hateful word plants deeply.

Kids are different.  Or haven’t you noticed?  Some are mellow, some shy.  Some like to please.  Some are spirited.  Talkative.  Energetic.  Some have special needs, sensory issues.  Some react behaviorally to certain foods.  Some are loud.  Some have no fear.  Some are slow-to-warm-up.  Some are skeptical.  Grumpy.  Easy-going.  Extroverted. 

Parents are different.  Some are routine-oriented.  Some are strict.  Some are scattered.  Messy.  Neat.  Some yell.  Some hit.  Some use timers and charts.  Some love to cuddle.  Play.  Talk.  Some worry about what people think.  Some read parenting books.  Some do what their parents did.  Some get embarrassed by their kids.  Some helicopter.  Some free-range. 

ALL of us worry about whether we’re doing it *right.*

When someone judges our parenting, it hits that core fear–are we doing it right?  I apparently make an easy target.  I’m pretty open about my struggles with the girls and I also talk/blog about my choice to use gentle discipline.  It is gloriously easy for another mama to dismiss gentle discipline by pointing out certain behaviors in my girls.  Please.  Smarter people than me choose gentle discipline.  They even write books.  If you have a problem, take it up with the experts.   

Let me make it clear, then. 

Obedience is not my primary goal in discipline.  Obedience is wonderful.  I want my kids to obey.  But that is not the FIRST thing I’m working on.  I don’t want to merely correct a behavior.  I want to disciple my children in such a way that they CHOOSE the right behavior to begin with.  Discipling takes time.  It works slowly.  Its primary tool is relationship. 

Jesus was perfect.  And yet his disciples were denying him and betraying him and cutting off ears after several years of close relationship.  Probably not the behavior he was looking for. 

I am not perfect.  My children tantrum and whine.  They get bossy and impolite.  They have many behaviors I’m not looking for.  But I don’t want quick fixes.  I don’t want them to do things “because I said so.”  I don’t want pushovers who will become pressured teens and railroaded adults.  I want strong, emotionally healthy children.  And if that means, they sometimes want to know the reason I say “no” and everything is up for debate–so be it.  I can live with that.      

So gossipy concerned mom at the playgroup:  if it appears my children are unruly, if it appears I’m not time-outting/spanking/fill-in-the-blanking to your satisfaction, please understand that I am working on the behavior.  In ways you don’t witness.  I’ve learned that with my kids, discipline works best when they are calm.  Not when they are in the middle of a tantrum and not when they are angry.  Besides, they are my children…not yours.

I’ve said this before but it bears repeating.  Parenting is hard.  It doesn’t matter how you discipline.  It is hard.  I’m doing my best and doing what feels right for my family.  I know you’re doing the same.  Because we all love our kids and want them to become healthy adults. 

Let’s please play nice and give each other grace.

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More delayed cord clamping info

Posted on March 13, 2011 by juliebyers

Academic OB/GYN (who is in SC!) has a fantastic presentation on delayed cord clamping.  It is really worth taking some time to watch. 

Wonder what it would take to lure him up for a Blessingway?  No, even more importantly, I wonder what it would take to have him present this info at GHS?

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Dear Public Health and Pediatric Nurses

Posted on March 7, 2011 by juliebyers

It is ok for a mama to breastfeed her baby during a painful procedure.  The baby will not die from choking on breastmilk. 

Let me repeat:  It is ok for a mama to breastfeed her baby during a painful procedure.

My first pediatric visit with my firstborn ended badly when the nurse refused to let me nurse Norah during an injection.  I was crying.  The doctor had told me I could but the nurses shut the door and said it wasn’t gonna happen.  One nurse said, “You’ll strangle that baby.”  And she tried to take Norah from me.  Rather roughly.  Yeah, that wasn’t gonna happen.  I left in a blaze of postpartum tears. 

Recently, a mama friend stopped in at the local health department to get a vaccination for her baby.  The nurse belittled her and bullied her about her vaccination choices.  Then told her she could not nurse her baby during the shot.  She would “aspirate that baby.”  Now, this mama had nursed her baby through every heel stick and injection.  He has never cried.  This time he did.  And the mama left in a blaze of postpartum tears.

Really, is this request such a big deal?  Do you really, really think that this activity is dangerous?  Has there been a case of a baby dying from breastfeeding aspiration?  I haven’t been able to find one.  And babies choke on breastmilk all the time.  Especially when mama has a forceful let-down. Maybe mamas with forceful let-downs should not be allowed to nurse.   

I found  this American Academy of Pediatrics statement:   Breastfeeding during a painful procedure such as a heel-stick for newborn screening provides analgesia to infants.

And this study in Canada:  There are no reports of adverse events, such as gagging or spitting up. Compared with the frequency of breastfeeding, vaccine injections are uncommon, and it is unlikely that an infant will associate breastfeeding with painful procedures.

And several others.   

What I did not find was anyone with anything to say about aspiration during breastfeeding.  Where is the evidence? 

I couldn’t believe this was such an issue.  The breastfeeding books I read told me to do it…then I couldn’t find anyone who would support it!  When I finally found a nurse willing to administer an injection while I breastfed Norah, I admit I was a little nervous.  Would she choke?  Nope, she didn’t even cry or turn to look at the nurse.  

So c’mon.  Lighten up on this one.  Be a baby-friendly nurse, please.

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