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How to tell if you have a 15 month old in your home

1) Half-eaten food everywhere.

2) More food in the floor.  If the food is smashed as if by tiny stomping feet, the presence of a toddler is very likely.

3) Even more food.  Especially under the table as if flung from great heights.


4) You find important things hidden in odd places long after you’ve been forced to replace them.


5) Odd sightings of what looks like once-worn pants with still snapped diaper inside.  Owner absent.  This is exactly as I found it. 

6) Occasional blurs of naked butt.

If you are able to capture the 15 month old, my recommendation is to not let go.  Even when you’re very tired from sweeping up food all day. 

And perhaps, retrieve the diaper and put it back on.

The Princess and the Pea

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Oh the drama of living with a two year old.  A few days ago, I was on emergency response duty for a piece of wooden swiss cheese that was stuck on Norah’s thumb.  Last night’s adventure topped the cheese. 

We were eating dinner.  Norah’s eyes starting watering and she had a shocked/glazed look on her face.  She was rubbing her nose and trying to dig for gold.  She’s had a runny nose so we thought it was just her sinuses.  After a couple of screams that threatened all the glass in our home, she said, “Mama, bee in my nose.”  I was all sympathy, “Aw, honey bear, I know it feels like there are bees in your nose.”  “NO, mommy, PEA in my nose.”  WHAT?  Scott ran for the headlamp and sure enough, we saw a flash of green up the schnoz. 

After I rolled in the floor laughing for a quick selfish moment, I dialed-a-nurse (aka, my mom) who told me sternly, in the face of my chuckles, that objects up a child’s nose was the number one reason for visits to Urgent Care and I could either get it out myself or expose her precious grandchild to the trauma of invasion at Urgent Care.  My seriousness properly restored, Scott and I brainstormed ideas for pea-removal.  We tried coaxing Norah to blow up a balloon with one nostril.  Scratch that.  We tried getting her to blow out a candle with her nose.  Scratch that.  We practiced sucking peas out of our hand with a bulb syringe.  Scratch that.  In the middle of Scott’s macgyver-ing a tube for me to suck the pea out and my googling “pea stuck up nose,” Norah said, “pepper” and then gave a giant sneeze.  The pea sweetly rolled across the kitchen tile and Norah grinned while chanting, “I did it self.”    

What a fabulous family bonding experience!  What did we do for fun before having a kid? 

“The Walt”

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Norah has a new thing.  It surely has something to do with being a two-year old.  It goes a little something like this:

N:  “I want yogurt.”  (in a scream)

Me:  “Ok”

N:  “NOOOOOOOO.  I want applesauce.” (louder scream)

Me:  “Sure.”

N:  “Aaaaahhhhhh!  I want cereal.”  (high pitched panic scream)

Me:  “Norah, no big deal.  You can have whichever you want.”

She then falls into the floor in a rage.  The crying and hiccoughing just goes on and on.  It is pitiful.  It doesn’t change if I hold her or leave her alone.  She is inconsolable.   

It can be about anything/everything.  Where she wants to sit or stand.  What music she wants.  Whatever.  Scott and I have named it “The Walt” after Walt Whitman’s line:  Do I contradict myself?  Very well then, I contradict myself.  (I am large, I contain multitudes).  I’m having a tough time with “The Walt” and Norah’s largeness.  No matter how I respond (or don’t respond), it seems to make it worse.  It doesn’t seem to be food or sleep related.  I plan to read Your Two Year Old tonight for ideas.   

Meanwhile, take a look at Norah’s latest art.  Does this look a little scarlet letterish to you?  She had an entire palette of colors but only touched red and orange.