My snazzy friend, Abby, gifted me with a photo shoot with her snazzy friend, Erin O’Neil. Erin is a talented photographer in Greenville. It was fun, kinda awkward, and flattering all at once.
Interested in more of Erin’s photography? You can check her website for more info.
Unabashedly, I present a proud Norah moment.
I had a prenatal visit last week. Norah is always with me for these. She asserts her right to hold the doppler and find the baby’s heartbeat. As usual, she was with me when I peed in a cup. But this time she asks why. I reply “it is to check that I’m not spilling protein into my urine.” Oh, ok. That is all. No further conversation about it.
On Friday, Norah is with my parents. My dad is getting a physical from a nurse for his new life insurance policy. She hands him a cup. Norah asks why. “Um, your papa needs some water” the nurse says. Norah very matter-of-factly states “My mom pees in a cup to check for protein in her urine.” The nurse was quite taken by my smart 3 year old.
She is fascinated by her body and how it works. She asks some very difficult questions. And I’m considering homeschooling her??
I’m 37 weeks pregnant. Needless to say, there are heavy matters on my mind. I have a ton ‘o things to do and I’ve taken nesting to an unsafe level.
<Pause> Let me interrupt to brag on my husband and father who, under the influence of a melting-down, estrogen-crazed pregnant woman, have performed mighty feats of remodeling magic in my house. They really didn’t have a chance when faced with a crying belly bump girl. Thanks o men of my dreams!! <Continue>
So, since my to-do list is long and weighty, I thought I would blog about small celebratory things.
First, summer fruit:
Ok, I know. Rhubarb isn’t a fruit. But I celebrate it all the same.
Second, my salt cellar:
I don’t know why my salt cellar (and the tiny olive wood spoon) brings such contentment. The small things, I suppose. A bamboo box for the sea salt and the kosher salt. What a thing of beauty.
The to-do list will be there tomorrow. The extreme nesting will continue to compel me to do things like clean the hot water heater with a toothbrush. Tonight I cling to my red currants and salt cellar. But the end is in sight. My queen-of-organization sister will come to my rescue. She will.
I’ll get to the how-to-have-a-smoother-birth post. But now…
A pregnancy update. Here is a shot of today’s belly:
Pretty boring, really. I feel some nutrient depletion following my run of births lately. Low energy. So, I’m eating lots of greens and trying to catch up.
Oh, this is fun. I had the first leg cramp of my life last night (likely because of aforementioned nutrient depletion). It was horrible! It felt so unsafe–unnatural. And guess what my first reaction was? “Go, go gadget hypno-anesthesia.” Which, um, totally didn’t work. Because I haven’t practiced enough and it isn’t a superpower I can call on at any moment of need. So, the next reaction was to scream but I had a sleeping hubby and daughter beside me. I’ve had clients who got leg cramps during labor. What awful insult! Leg cramps are much worse than labor.
Note to self: get back on your hypnobabies training regimen and always, always take your cal-mag before bed!
Other pregnancy news. This very active baby continues to prefer crunching low in my pelvis. I evict the sweetling with some pelvic rocking each night and suddenly I have a raging, grumpy baby squirming back down into my pelvis–very unnerving sensation. I don’t know why the little one won’t stretch out more. Whine.
And today, while playing at the lake, I burned my belly. Note to self: whereas normally my belly will not soak any sun, the stretched out belly burns easily. Sunscreen is advised.
Beginners
Dedicated to the memory of Karen Silkwood and Eliot Gralla
“From too much love of living,
Hope and desire set free,
Even the weariest river
Winds somewhere to the sea-”
But we have only begun
To love the earth.
We have only begun
To imagine the fullness of life.
How could we tire of hope?
– so much is in bud.
How can desire fail?
– we have only begun
to imagine justice and mercy,
only begun to envision
how it might be
to live as siblings with beast and flower,
not as oppressors.
Surely our river
cannot already be hastening
into the sea of nonbeing?
Surely it cannot
drag, in the silt,
all that is innocent?
Not yet, not yet-
there is too much broken
that must be mended,
too much hurt we have done to each other
that cannot yet be forgiven.
We have only begun to know
the power that is in us if we would join
our solitudes in the communion of struggle.
So much is unfolding that must
complete its gesture,
so much is in bud.
–Denise Levertov
Hoorah! Spring is here! Playdates at the park. Digging in the dirt. Reviving our morning “green hour.” Coffee on the porch swing. Picnics. Wind and apple blossoms. The heady scent of jasmine.
My 3-year old asks “Mama, is it appropriate to eat boogers?” Ew. But I’m super-impressed with her vocabulary.
A thought about this pregnancy: I feel more connected to the baby. I know the depth of change a new baby brings and I’m already in awe of this little one. Pregnancy feels sacred. With my first pregnancy, I was more focused on me–the physical changes, the specialness of being pregnant, the mystery of birth. I knew there was a baby in there but didn’t really understand that reality.
I’m no longer feeling lovey-dovey about my hubby. He is a supreme April Fooler and has given me many near-heart attacks in our time together. And even while I braced for it, he still managed to convince me that I had head lice yesterday. Gullible. Yes, that is me.
These are creepy.
I’m more bothered that I thought I would be that Scott knows the gender of our baby. I mean, that is HUGE! He knows what our family will look like. I hope I will be able to hold out and be surprised at birth.
I need a landscaper. If anyone knows a landscaper who needs a doula (before mid-July), I’d like to barter services. Ridiculous long shot. I know.
I’m reading a birth book written by an engineer. I hate math. She keeps talking about vectors and axis of symmetry. Real sentence from the book: before you can apply mathematics and physics to labor, you have to understand the concept of vectors. Did I mention this book is about birth? It is on my hypnobabies required reading list.
I like this positive parenting website.
I must shut down the computer and get ready to go to the Clemson Babywearing group. Babywearing day is such a long day!
I’m feeling very grateful for my delicious husband. I’m ever amazed at how he pours himself into our family and how he consistently puts our needs first. He has sacrificed many things so that I can be at home with our daughter.
I still can’t believe that a 16 year old cheerleader somehow meshed with the edgy deadhead in chemistry class oh so many years ago. One day I’ll share the story of how I tricked him into our first date.
He always has been and always will be way cooler than I’ll ever be.
One of my favorite things about Christmas is spending time with my family. We have loads of rituals surrounding the holiday. And we know we have only a small, precious window during which all of us are together. Soon my sister and her husband will be living overseas. So we really savor our time together now.
Ok, now one of my other favorite things about Christmas: the yearly loot from my Aunt Helen’s garden. When I see her husband carrying in huge boxes to place under the tree, I get so excited. I try to time it each year so that I use my last jar just before Christmas. This year, I used up the final jar of tomatoes making veggie soup the week before Christmas.
Inexplicable Ways 