Author Archives: juliebyers

Let the little children come

“Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.”  –Jesus  (Luke 18:16, NIV)

A well-known pastor in my very small town was arrested.  I’m sure many folks in our conservative southern town are up in arms about his arrest.  I’m sure they feel he was justified in his actions.  In fact, I’m surprised he was arrested.  Here is what he is accused of doing:

His church has a Christian school.  One of the children was misbehaving.  Someone at the school called the child’s mother and told her she must come to the school to spank her child or give permission for a school official to spank him.

Now let’s stop here for a moment.  Seriously?  These educators and administrators couldn’t come up with anything other than spanking?  These adults who claim to have the mind of Christ could not tap into the incredible creativity of the Creator and come up with anything else?  Wow.  It had to be violence.  It had to be hitting.  That was the best they could come up with.

Ok, back to the story.  It isn’t clear whether the mother gave permission or not.  Regardless, the 45 year old pastor of the church spanked the child leaving (according to the arrest warrant) “revoltingly egregious bruising to his buttocks” with four bruises measuring more than three inches by one inch in size. 

Mr. Pastor is now charged with assault and battery of a high and aggravated nature.  I very much hope it sticks. 

What has this child learned about Jesus from one of his supposed “shepherds?”  What has he learned about love and grace?

Does your church have a stance on corporal punishment against children?  Are they involved in something like this?

ETA:  Just heard from a reliable source that the child was four years old.

On Women and Infidelity

I have some thoughts. 

And maybe a theory.  Though even as I type it, I sound presumptuous.     

I think it would be hard to have an affair if you have excellent girlfriends.

Gulp. 

I’m basing my theory on personal experience alone.  See, I have excellent girlfriends.  They sweep me off my feet with surprise and romance.  We routinely get carried away.  In a completely heterosexual way, of course.  

Now my sister is my best friend but she’s family.  And I expect family to support me, be there for me, etc.  She has to listen to me and come when I need her.  Ah, but friends–they could leave me (oh dreadful day) or let me down (never). 

They choose.  

How does this prevent infidelity?  My girlfriends meet needs for intimacy that my husband cannot/does not meet.  I absolutely could not expect Scott to meet all my intimacy needs.  How exhausting.  My husband is extraordinary–he listens over and over again as I process tricky scenarios or have a meltdown at the end of a rough day.  But I’ve learned he doesn’t love listening to me recite poetry.  And while he listens a few times to the same story–you know women work out our feelings by hashing the same story several times–really, two times is his limit. 

My days are filled with beautiful friends.  Most memorable moments lately:

  • apple picking
  • pie-baking day
  • sitting in a car sharing secrets while the babes sleep
  • a full day of eating yummy foods thrown together at the last minute in the midst of uncontrolled chaos
  • making vegetable soup
  • sharing a bottle of wine with one who had a rough day 
  • dreaming over the phone with the most amazing massage therapist on earth  
  • discovering this sign posted above my head only after Norah spilled her juice and ran amuk at coffee underground:

There is something utterly breathtaking about strong mommy-friends.  The shared vulnerabilities (that none of us really know what the heck we’re doing or if we’re ruining our children for life), the forgiving nature of playdates (that naps must come first–mine or the child’s–and that I may be wearing the same clothes I did the day before), and the help, oh the help (like the time Carey role-played niceness so Norah would get the hang of um, not yelling at me). 

What more could I need?

Self-discipline

Because my husband has incredibly annoying incredible self-discipline, we will not be attending the Lake Eden Arts Festival (LEAF) this year with our long-lost friends Hippie and Rhonda.  Norah will not get to play with Jubal.  We will not hear outstanding music and we will not see beautiful people and art. 

We will be remodeling the dining room.

I will console myself with memories of music from last fall.

Today’s Colors

 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
I cried over beautiful things knowing no beautiful thing lasts.
 
The field of cornflower yellow is a scarf at the neck of the copper
sunburned woman, the mother of the year, the taker of seeds.
 
The northwest wind comes and the yellow is torn full of holes,
new beautiful things come in the first spit of snow on the northwest wind,
and old things go, not one lasts.
 
–Autumn Movement by Carl Sandburg.

“Soon They’ll Be Asking for Informed Consent”

I caught that line from an overheard snippet of House M.D. recently.  Someone told House to get consent before a procedure.  He sarcastically replied something to the effect:  Start getting consent for procedures and soon they’ll be asking for informed consent.

Well there is a new tool in the informed consent workshop.  Released this week, the Milbank Report:  Evidence-Based Maternity Care Report has the US abuzz.  Consumer Reports even released a report on the findings.  One of the quotes I love in the Milbank report’s executive survey is “The many beneficial, underused practices around the time of birth include continuous labor support, numerous measures that increase comfort and facilitate labor progress, nonsupine positions for giving birth, delayed cord clamping, and early mother-baby skin-to-skin contact.”  Humph.  Nonsupine positions, delayed cord clamping, and immediate skin-to-skin are usually the most difficult concessions to get in hospital births I attend.  There is always some reason why it can’t be done. 

The sum-up of the findings seems to be hire a family practice physician or midwife to attend your birth, hire a doula, and know which processes are evidence-based.  Not sure how to discern evidence-based practices?  I usually go first to the Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews.

Another Toy Ramble

Someone recently asked me where we find our toys.  I have several places I look to first. 

1)  Etsy:  I love buying handmade and supporting other moms.  I would prefer to make them myself.  But–um, that prospect is not quite manifesting as I’d hoped.  Check out this gnome furniture and the autumn gnome that might sit to sup. 

2)  Oompa and Three Sisters Toys:  my favorite online sites for toys.  No electronic noises and no batteries required.  Three Sisters may be pricey but they have an “under 10.00” toy category and they offer 5.00 flat rate shipping.  Oompa offers free shipping over 65.00.  Last year I ordered all my Christmas gifts for kids from Oompa so that I received free shipping.  I didn’t have to stand in a single toy store line. 

3)  Amazon makes it easy to create wish lists and to find used books for a fraction of the cost.  And Amazon does offer HABA and Plan Toys.  Now they also have a “Green Toys” category. 

4)  If I need a toy in a hurry, I usually go to O.P. Taylors.  They carry a good selection of Plan Toys and Melissa and Doug.

And again, lest you think I live some ideal life and have no plastic toys…as I write this post, Norah is playing in the tub:  “Mama, did you know Nemo likes warm milk?”  I glance over to find her “nursing” a plastic clownfish swaddled in a wash cloth.

The Apple Peeler

Where has this device been all my life?

The diva in my life

If you are a guy, go ahead and stop reading.  Seriously.  Stop.

It took me three months to work up the nerve to use the Diva once I bought it.  Each month, I would take it out of the little purple pouch and contemplate my readiness for this new venture.  Then I would quietly put it back into the little purple pouch.  Now I’m several months into the experience.  Let me say this:  It was only my love for the environment that kept me on the diva path.  I added up the cost savings of not buying tampons and well, it wasn’t super significant.  It isn’t that the diva is horrible.  No.  But the learning curve was steeper than I expected.  And I was mightily skittish about the process.  My imagination sometimes gets a little out of control.  I had a few vivid images involving my uterus and suction dancing in my head.  The first time, I had to call a friend to talk me through it (ok, more than just the first time).  Still, each month, I feel a little more comfortable using it.  Really, it isn’t bad.  Sorry about that image of suction.        

The diva:  one more tiny way to decrease my footprint and lower the amount of chemicals entering my body.  Check that one off my list. 

I was also excited to see a full page diva ad in Scott’s Outside magazine.

Booklist

I haven’t written a book post in awhile.  Here are a few of the books we’ve been reading lately:

Nora and the Great Bear:  Norah LOVES this book.  Young girl trying to keep up with the adults.  She ends up discovering better ways of living (sum-up:  you catch more bears with honey than guns…).

A Cat in a Kayak:  A book I bought for Scott.  I don’t think he read it.  But Norah likes it.  About a man who lives on an island and transports via kayak an assortment of animals to join him.

The Gas we Pass:  Seriously, I learned some scientific things from this book.  I mean, how many children’s books teach that a healthy person releases about 2 cups of gas each day?  And contains such scientific lines as “These gases are made when leftover food is broken down by bacteria, rots and becomes poop.”  

She is Born:  I’ve been reading this book to Norah since, well, she was born.  And I still cannot read it without crying.  Still.  If you are searching for the perfect gift for a new mother of a daughter, you cannot go wrong with this book.   

The Runaway Pumpkin:  Because it is October!  Hoorah!

You can also take a look at the books we don’t yet own on Norah’s wishlist.  You might even find some gift ideas for a toddler in your circle.

Simple (boring) me

I’ll let you in on a little secret about me…shhhhh…don’t tell…I don’t really go to any health providers on a regular basis.  There.  It is out.  I don’t see a chiropractor, I rarely, rarely go to an MD, I don’t get regular massage therapy, and it has been way too long since I saw Mr. Dentist.  (I would absolutely get regular acupuncture treatments if I could afford it though!).  So, when I went to see Cara Davis for some chiropractic care after a long birth, I was relieved that she called me “simple.”  I like that better than “boring.”  I have no dramatic stories of body trauma and no car accidents to report.  My husband is busy enough in that area for the both of us. 

I was very happy with Cara’s work.  She is so gentle!  And I love her sweet spirit.  She also shares a passion for pregnant and postpartum moms.  So we hit it off right from the start.  I’ve had a few friends who have taken their little ones to her and were amazed at how low-key and calm the visits were.  If you’re seeking a chiropractor, I highly recommend Cara.