Uncommon Thanks #2

I forgot to post 10 on 10 yesterday so I’ll use yesterday’s events as my thanks:

1)  Strawberry cream cheese scones and sitting outside on a November morning.

2)  Time with friends who enrich the lives of my children.

3) Climbing mulberry trees

4)  Learning woodworking skills at Roper Mountain Science Center (also felting wool, making herb sachets, herding sheep, plowing fields, pumping water, grinding corn, feeding animals, watching blacksmiths and other artisans)

5)  My husband finished the woodstove installation in his new woodworking shop

6)  Learning to sew on a button

7)  Dropping off Norah at Saturday science labs.

8) Watching a movie alone with popcorn and chocolate beer.

Uncommon Thanks

1)  The physical act of pressing the French Press.  Such joy it brings.

2)  That Norah deals with her own loose teeth.  Loose teeth gross me out.  She lost one this morning and it was such a non-issue.  Note to self:  DO NOT forget the tooth fairy tonight.

3)  The ways my husband wakes me up.  I’m not a morning person.  Scott is.  This week, he parodied local radio personalities to wake me.  “I’m Cathy Bradberry and this is Earthsense” or “I’m Amanda McNulty with Clemson Extension.”  In October, he put a giant Halloween Snoopy inflatable in bed with me.

4)  That the girls haven’t noticed I sold their play kitchen.

5)  Popping the top on the popcorn.  It doesn’t happen often.  When I was growing up, I watched my dad pop stovetop popcorn and sometimes the lid would start to rise.  It still gives me shivers of excitement.

6)  Letters Norah leaves around the house (this one is for the house gnome.  She thinks he took her barbie.  In reality, Goodwill took it.)

I think I’ll blame the house gnome for the play kitchen, too.

Doulas and the Long Labor

Have you attended a long labor yet?  By long, I mean, a birth requiring labor support for more than 24 hours.  And really, 24 hours sounds lovely compared with some of the lengths I’ve attended.

I will do just about anything to prevent a long labor.  But it has taken years to find ways to recognize the signs that a long birth is on the horizon and to keep the mom engaged in the follow-through.

Recognition:

In my experience, long births are tricksters.  The waves are coming closer together.  Mom is releasing adrenaline and the tell-tale signs of transition appear.  She may even feel little urges to push at the peaks of the waves.  The doula often thinks, “This is it!” and transports to the hospital  or calls the midwife only to find out mom is 2cm.  In a little while, the waves space out.

This repeat building toward transition and then puttering out is one sign of the long labor.  At one birth I attended, the couple went to the hospital three times because of this pattern.

Another sign may be that the waves are short.  Perhaps less than a minute long.  While I have attended one or two births that were characterized by consistently short waves the entire labor, this pattern is unusual.  Or perhaps, the waves are at first long and then later they last less than a minute.

The mom may complain of back pain.

The final sign is instinct.  I have learned to pay close attention to flashes of memory or insight that come during birth.  I remember once I arrived at a birth and when I greeted the mom, immediately a memory of a former student popped into my consciousness.  I dismissed it.  What followed?  I was completely tricked by a birth that lasted over 50 hours.  Guess what?  The birth was almost identical to that former student from two years before.  Was this some magical power?  No, of course not.  My instincts probably picked up on subtle clues prenatally when I felt baby’s position.  Instinct is a powerful assistant.  When we listen.

Reasons:

Most of the time, long labors happen because of baby’s position.  The top two are:

Posterior–baby is facing mom’s belly.

Asynclitic–baby’s head is tilted toward her shoulder.

It may also be that baby is still high in the pelvis (not engaged), baby’s chin is not tucked, or baby’s hands are up.

Prevention:

Until recently, I tended to be a little bit tentative when encouraging techniques to reposition a baby.  I didn’t want to ask the mom to do something that would increase her discomfort and I wanted to trust birth, all that jazz.  A doula is meant to soothe and help with discomfort; not make things more intense!  But an ounce of prevention…

There are many techniques in the doula playbook.  They have names like:

  • The Miles Circuit
  • The Rotisserie
  • The Abdominal Lift and Tuck
  • Walcher’s Trochanter
  • Rebozo
  • Psoas Resolution
  • Open Knee-Chest

Sometimes it is hit or miss to find the one manuever that works for this labor.  Please remember to remain balanced during this process of elimination so that the birth team rotates rest and nourishment with the calisthenics.

Which brings me to:

I believe a long labor was avoided with one of my clients.  I recognized the signs:  waves varied from long and close together to short and spaced.  Over the course of about 9 hours, I rotated rest, nourishment, techniques.

The techniques that I thought should work, didn’t.

I encouraged the couple to have some private time and I sat in my car thinking it through.  I wrote down what I knew about this birth and what we had tried.  When the couple was refreshed and rested, I decided to try the Pelvic Floor Release.

I don’t use this technique often.

After a nice bath and rest, I asked the mom to give it a try.  With dad and I supporting her, she began.  She completed three waves on her right side and then we switched to the left.  Around the second wave on her left side, I heard the change.  Her waves became powerful and long.

We followed the Pelvic Floor Release with the Rotisserie but I’m not sure it was necessary.  Within an hour, we were on our way to the hospital where she 8cm!

Conclusion:

From now on, I will arrive at births with techniques a-flyin’.  Perhaps I’ll carry a clipboard and wear a whistle.

No!  These manuevers are still interventions.  We should practice watchfulness and instinctual awareness.  IF they are needed, we should keep our tone positive and tread oh-so-carefully into the birth space.

However, we should not be afraid to move from gentle support to a more firm encouragement.  We’ve seen the result of a long labor and we want to avoid that if possible for our clients.

 

Just in Case

Just in case, you don’t have a birth worker friend, here is a glimpse into our lives:

Middle of the night text:  Labor is beginning 

Birth worker brain turns on and begins the sequence.

Get up and throw a load of clothes in the washing machine just in case I need to leave early.  Norah will need her Artios shirt for school.

Try to go back to sleep while thinking through all the possibilities and scenarios.  Prioritize.

Next day:

Call my mother and ask if she can take Norah to Artios, just in case I’m still at a birth.

Text friend and ask if she can pick up Norah from Artios, just in case.

Facebook a friend and ask if she can keep Cedar, just in case this birth goes long.

Pack doula clothes and bag and place in car, just in case I need to leave from somewhere else.

Just in case I’m needed while we’re out to dinner as a family, drive two cars.

Pack a lunch for Norah just in case I have to leave quickly and won’t have time.

Pack two bags:  one for Norah and one for Cedar, just in case they need extra clothes.

Lay out clothes for the girls just in case Scott has to dress them before he leaves for work.

Fill up the gas tank, just in case.

Put Hypnobabies student phone number list in car just in case I have to reschedule class.

Pay two bills that are coming up just in case I’m not back by the due date.

Check the phone 50 times just in case I didn’t hear a ring.

When I’m still waiting 30 hours later, text, facebook, call, and email everyone again to let them know all is well but stay on alert, just in case.

We are a delightful people to befriend.  Go hug a birth worker today.  She’ll probably ask for your contact info to add to her list of people to call for help.  

October 10 on 10

9am:  I bribed the girls with a promise of hot chocolate for breakfast if they would just let me sleep until 8am.  It worked.

10am:  Surveying the homeschool mess from yesterday.

11am:  Power smoothie

12pm:  My cheat sheet to remember that King Philip comes over for good spaghetti.

1pm:  Sneaking a peek at Cedar playing My Little Pony while wearing little boy undies.

2pm:  Flying homemade kites with friends

3pm:  Guinea pigs!

4pm:  Learning about static electricity

5pm:  Introducing two new caterpillars and a chrysalis to our home (hopefully they will live longer than the last ones)

6pm:  Pies ready to go in the oven.  I have two first-time mamas due and it doesn’t hurt to sweeten up my family before I disappear indefinitely.

 

ten on ten button small

End of September Joys

As I try to give myself more margin, I’m noticing much small joy around me.

Is any joy small?

* Cedar’s love of frilly pink things and My Little Ponies.

* Sharing poetry and Shakespeare with Norah.

* Playing iPod shuffle “name that tune” with Scott. I’m really weak at Yacht Rock.

* Silly texting with Noelle even though international texting isn’t free. We’ve always silly texted so even though Skype is free, we continue the practice.

* Learning about the Faroe Islands because they regularly show up in my blog visitor stats and I don’t know about this lovely place. Now I want to visit. Or live there. Hello to my reader(s) in the Faroe Islands!

* Receiving texts about intimate birthy things in the middle of dinner parties. It is like the sweetest slumber party secret.

* Cedar sleeping with 24 My Little Ponies and hearing them fall out of her bed. One at a time. All night long.

* Watching Norah draw.



* The mothercords I wear on my ankles and the families they represent.

* Cedar putting on her “work boots” to help my dad work. I have almost this same picture from when I was a kid.

* Discovering that Keen makes boots. Discovering this tidbit because my sweetest of all husbands ordered a pair for me.

* The last warm days of summer.

* Norah asking me to help her memorize “Be Thou My Vision.”

May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright heav’ns Son.

I hope you’re also finding joy in these fleeting, wispy moments.

Graduates

I’ve been slack about posting pictures of my Hypnobabies students.  I add the pictures to this page but I forget to highlight them here.

Look at these adorable Hypnobabies!

This picture is from a recent class reunion.  One baby boy was not able to make it for the photo shoot.

Want some stats?

  • 100% of the babies were born without complications
  • 100% of the mamas gave birth without medication
  • 1 baby was born with a family practice physician at a hospital
  • 1 baby was born with midwives at a birth center
  • 1 baby was VBAC at home with a family practice physician
  • 2 babies were born at home with midwives
  • 4 of the babies were born in the water.
  • None of the mamas needed sutures
  • And THIS childbirth educator was not the least bit surprised by these stats!

Email me about classes beginning Oct. 16 and Jan. 27. ( j_byers@bellsouth.net)

 

Can I get a gold star?

My six-year-old asked for a chore chart.

You remember this child and her strange ways.  She also asks for steamed broccoli for breakfast.

I am not a fan of charts.  I’m not philosophically opposed to them or anything.  It is simply that we have very little routine or similarities to our days.  I fly by the seat of my pants most of the time.  To be perfectly honest, anytime I try to implement a schedule, it lasts two days.

I stalled Norah for a few weeks as I tried to decide what to do about this chore business.  I don’t want to frustrate her no-nonsense, black/white tendencies with my flights o’ fancy.  I also didn’t want it to feel like a reward chart.  As an adult who craves praise and  gold stars, I am keen for my daughters to avoid this behavior.

Finally I came up with this:

I can pick the day’s tasks each morning and clip them to the “do” clothespin.  This way I can customize them to fit the day.  I recognize that I’m prone to disorganization so I placed blank cards and markers nearby in case I need to create a new task.

So far it is working for both of us.  Norah enjoys looking at her tasks for the day.  And I enjoy letting the cards nag instead of me.

Full disclosure:  This labor of love was created in a hot mess of sobbing after the girls went to bed.  My darling man tried to send me out of the house for a lone drive to Dunkin Doughnuts.  Roll the windows down, listen to some good music.  I hiccupped, “No, I just need to, gasp, sob, do this.”

I felt much better when I had finished the task.  But the doughnuts would have been nice.

 

Doula Availability

I have two openings for November and one opening for early December.

I’ll go on break for the end of December through mid-January.  I’m trying my hand at travel doula’ing for a birth in Vermont in early January.  Will there be snow?  Maple syrup?  Snow?  I love Vermont!

If you know anyone interested in a doula for Nov/Dec, send them my way for a free consult.

Don’t forget to come out to Saturday’s Blessingway.  I’m hosting this month.  Natalie is teaching us infant massage techniques and will share her blissed out homebirth story.

 

When your doula is not invited

Years ago, when professional doulas first entered the birthing room, there was mixed reaction.  As expected, some care providers thought they were at best superfluous.  At worst, dangerous.

I remember when I first began working as a doula, I was hurt and surprised by the commentary on midwife and L&D forums.  I didn’t know I was doing anything controversial or threatening.

Now, most care providers speak words of welcome and praise for doulas.  They may not mean it but they understand that patient-as-consumer is becoming the norm.  Some providers really support doulas.  I get many of my referrals from some of the larger OB practices.  I even found one hospital-based practice (not local) that requires doulas for moms planning an unmedicated birth.

So I was surprised when I heard from a fellow doula that she was not allowed to attend a birth with a midwife.  It seems that this midwife uses a pool of house doulas from which her clients can choose.

Why?

I really don’t understand.  Why would a midwife refuse to permit the client’s contracted doula to attend her birth?

I can only speculate.

Fear that the doula will talk about something the midwife is doing?  What is she doing?

Are the house doulas trained in some special way?  Are they answering to the midwife?  Assisting her?  Because your doula should be working for you.

Are the house doulas paying a finder’s fee to the midwife?

Has she had a horrible experience with a doula?

Something else that I’m missing?  Because I’m truly stumped here.

I can’t remember being blocked from a birth before.  I’ve never encountered an OB who said a doula couldn’t attend.  A few times, midwives have told my clients that doulas were fine but not necessary.  Once, at St. Francis, I had a grumpy nurse say that only one person was allowed in the delivery room and that I had to leave.  The dad requested a new nurse and we carried on.

So this one is new.  What do you do when your doula is not invited?  I know it can feel challenging to break up with your midwife or OB.  You can interview the house doulas and ask some careful questions.  Choosing a doula is (or should be) an intensely personal choice.  There is a good chance you won’t resonate with the house doulas.  But maybe you will.  At the very least, this situation would be a red flag.  If the midwife doesn’t “allow” choice in who attends your birth, are there other areas she doesn’t allow choice?

Now, the midwife, admittedly, can decide who is present.  The couple, admittedly, can decide whether to hire the midwife.

This doula, admittedly, can decide who to recommend as a care provider.