I have a couple that would need to begin their Hypnobabies series later this month. Is anyone interested in joining them for a group class? I know I’ve had loads of inquiries and I put some of you off until January.
This class would begin in November and meet in Greenville (or Easley if someone from Anderson wants to come). We will be flexible around the holidays.
Please contact me by Friday the 13th (*shiver*) if you are interested!
Norah is driving me crazy. There. I said it. A recent phenomenon, 5 bazillion times a day, she says, “watch this, mommy.” I was changing Cedar’s diaper last night and she wanted me to “look at this” 7 times! And it was only to show me the many different ways she could carry a stuffed frog.
Exasperation. My child is becoming a praise junkie.
Then, inspiration. I created this issue. I’ve been trying to over-compensate (since I’m pretty involved with Cedar’s care just now) by over-praising her. And it is easier to praise her than to become involved in what she is doing by asking open-ended questions. Really, I’ve been patting her on the head and tossing her a scooby snack.
I used to be careful about praise. I tried to avoid “good job” which isn’t a description anyway; it is a judgement according to Alfie Kohn. If Norah drew a picture of an apple, instead of saying “oh that is amazing,” I would try to remember to ask a thoughtful question like “is it a red apple or a green apple?” There is plenty of research that shows the more a student is praised, the more tentative and less creative he or she becomes.
Don’t get me wrong–I think Norah is quite an impressive child. And I feel that praise has a place for sure. But I want to be careful of three things:
1) Creating a condition. I don’t want her to feel she must perform to get my love and attention.
2) Using praise as a bribe. “I like the way you put away your toys before dinner.” Kids are smart and will eventually catch on to that carrot anyway.
3) Praising too much and/or for trivial things. Lately I sound like a cheerleader: “Awesome, you brushed your teeth. High five! You’re so cool.”
And the result of this last one? “Mom, watch this!”
I know, I know. There are worse things I could do. And I know it is age-appropriate for her to be a bit of a showboat. However, I also know I’ve become her supplier.
So my goal this week is to go easy on the positive reinforcement. I’ll leave that for the grandparents. And it probably wouldn’t hurt to do my yearly read of Unconditional Parenting.
Cedar is 12 weeks old today! She is spending more time chilling and observing. She is trying desperately to find her thumb. And while she isn’t adept at grabbing with her hands, she can easily grab a toy with her long toes! 12 weeks marks the end of the 4th trimester.
Dr. Harvey Karp popularized the notion that human babies need a 4th trimester. Unlike other mammals, because of human brain size, our babies are born decidedly immature. Human babies are completely helpless–even needing assistance to burp. After studying other cultures in which babies are calmed in less than a minute (16 seconds is the average time it takes an !Kung parent to stop a baby from crying), Karp decided there must exist a baby calming reflex.
It makes sense. A baby’s cry is LOUD. It would seem logical that parents should have a mechanism to quiet them in necessary situations. Karp developed the 5 S’s: swaddling, shushing, side-lying (or stomach), swinging, and sucking. I do know these “S’s.” As a doula, I’ve taught several new parents these techniques. They mimic the way babies were calmed in utero.
In desperation, I re-read Karp’s book The Happiest Baby on the Block. Front to back. And my conclusion:
Karp says that !Kung people wear their babies all day and that is part of the reason they are so calm. And he also says that if these techniques don’t work, parents are either not doing them correctly or not giving them enough time to work.
I challenge Harvey Karp or any !Kung mama to come try to calm my baby. I’d very much like to see it. Because the 5 S’s didn’t do it this time. Only a vertical chest-to-chest wrap hold with vigorous bouncing seems to trigger Cedar’s calming reflex.
Meanwhile, I’m quite excited to see what awaits us in the weeks to come!
Note: I LOVE Harvey. Really, I do. His Happiest Toddler on the Block DVD taught me some incredible techniques that really worked for Norah when she was in the 12month-20 month range. And I’ve used the 5 S’s with other babies quite successfully. I don’t mean to pick on his work. He has done much to help parents understand their little ones and treat them with love and respect.
Halloween is my husband’s favorite holiday. Something about Autumn+Candy+Cartoons+Costumes makes for his perfect day.
From our first year of marriage, I’ve been making ghoulish Halloween treats to celebrate the day. This year, I wanted them to be a bit healthier.
My spinach hummus graveyard:
The swamp juice and Jack:
The swamp juice is made with tapioca pearls with a swedish fish floating about. I had planned to use seltzer water and lemonade but found a drink called “Snow” I wanted to try from Amazing Savings. It was yummmm.
Jack is a gutted orange filled with fruit pieces.
Scott drew the line at the raisins I wanted to hand out as treats to trick-or-treaters. We settled on bags of pretzels and candy.
You may have picked up from some of my posts that parenting Cedar has kicked my butt. If Norah was high needs then Cedar is “higher needs.” How did I manage to have two of these wee blessings? I’m starting to wonder if I create these babies somehow through my parenting. My friends keep telling me that the third baby is always mellow. Well, no thanks. I think I’ll stick with two.
Dr. Sears describes 12 characteristics of the high needs baby:
I don’t want to sound negative. And I don’t want to dramatize my experience. Maybe if I parented differently, I would have a different baby. I don’t know. I’m fortunate that I am able to stay home with her and that my wonderful husband, family, and friends have helped so much with Norah. And since Scott was himself a stay-at-home dad with Norah, he understands when we have a messy house or the same easy dinner over and over again.
I hope that the highest needs of this high need wee one has peaked in the so-called fourth trimester. She will be 12 weeks on Sunday. Will we turn a corner? Of course we will. Of course. Right? More on my thoughts on the fourth trimester later.
A reader recently asked if I would do a post about Norah’s activities. It can be challenging to come up with ideas to keep an energetic toddler engaged and active at home. Especially when you are busy with an infant! Some days are better than others. I certainly resort to popping in a movie sometimes so don’t think I’ve got all this mastered!
Craft Shelf: I have a shelf in the hall closet that is dedicated to crafts. There are shoebox sized containers holding strings for necklaces, paints, glitter, glue, homemade play dough, popsicle sticks, floral foam, etc. I also keep several old sheets and blankets to cover the floor for quick clean-up. I keep activities simple. Lately we’ve been enjoying leaf rubbings. Norah also loves to thread uncooked ziti noodles on string. And she loves to cut things with plastic knifes. So sometimes I give her a knife with a few fruits/veggies and bread/cheese. She’s also enjoyed building structures with (just a few) large marshmallows and uncooked spaghetti noodles. I’m not very crafty so I often just throw down some supplies and see what she creates.
The Dollhouse: Our best investment (and gifts from grandmas) has been the dollhouse and accessories. I’m watching her play with it now. We chose Plan Toys dollhouse and accessories. Norah spends the bulk of her time playing here.
Pretend Play: I keep a mason jar and a clear plastic egg carton filled with assorted objects. Buttons, leather pieces, marbles, shells, acorns, etc. I’m amazed at some of the ways she plays with these. And she loves to sort them. We also have a bin of dress-up clothes.
Dinosaurs: A hand-me-down from cousin Taylor, the dinosaur collection is another big item in our home.
Green Hour: Although I’ve slacked off some since Cedar was born, we typically have a green hour every day (rain or shine) during which Norah explores the outdoors. She can make bug houses from leaves and sticks, make “dinner,” or simply make a mess. She especially loves green hour when it is raining because she gets to carry an umbrella.
Tips:
We have a small house. I use lots of baskets to keep things sorted properly. If toys are strewn about, then the “Toy Fairy’s” phone number is programmed in my cell phone. Or at least that is what Norah believes. I’ve never had to call the Toy Fairy but according to some moms, she will come pick up the toys and take them away if she is called. There is an equally effective “Clothes Fairy.”
I’ve noticed that it takes some time for Norah to begin playing with things that I introduce. It probably took 6 months for her to even notice her dollhouse.
I find dress-up clothes at thrift stores.
For toys that she loses interest in quickly, I put away and reintroduce later. When she’s bored with it, I put it away once again.
For the most part, I turn my head when she decides to use household objects as play items. I’ve lost almost all of my kitchen towels to her play baskets. She loves to sneak away with belts, shoes, tape measures, cookie cutters, etc. If I need something, I usually know where to find it.
Finally, we’re pretty careful about toy volume. I generally try to avoid plastics and I like to know that toys are not made in sweatshops. We keep an amazon wishlist so extended family know what we think would fit in our home and in Norah’s days. If it requires batteries, it usually stays at grandma’s house.
What toys do your toddlers and preschoolers love? What works for your family?
Please come out this Saturday (Oct. 24) at 2pm for our final Blessingway of the year. We meet in the community room at Earth Fare on Pelham Rd at 2pm. This month, our guest is Marian Jones, who will demonstrate Oriental infant massage. We will feature two positive birth stories: Ellen’s homebirth and Ruthie’s Greer Memorial birth. Blessingways are a great place to meet other “birthy folk.” We love to have a balance of veteran parents and new parents-to-be.
The event is free and open to the public. Children are always welcome! We are an informal bunch. Blessingways are not “sponsored” by anyone. Carey and I offer them as a way to promote normal birth and mindful information.
The things I googled today–
Highlights of the day–
Lowpoints of the day–
The most important thing is do not disturb the birthing woman!
Dr. Michel Odent – Obstetrician
The more births I attend, the more I realise how much we disturb the birthing woman.
Gloria Lemay – Midwife
I’m sorry it is a picture of me. Sadly, my own birth is the only one I’ve attended that felt truly undisturbed. Hospital births are never undisturbed. “Can you sign these 15 consent forms? Oh, are you having a contraction? Let me hold the clipboard for you then while you sign here, here, and initial here.” Some homebirths are undisturbed; I just haven’t been honored to witness one.
The doula’s role is to guard the woman’s birth space. To hold the line. To remind caregivers not to talk loudly. To shut the door when the nurse leaves it open. To turn off the lights for the 12th time. To trust the woman’s body and her intuition. To give the birthing couple space to be private. To give the partner room to love on the birthing woman.
The most important thing is do not disturb the birthing woman!
Jude, the doula dog, was an inspiration during my undisturbed birth.
Babywearing while eating = check
Dropping cereal on baby’s head = check
Eating cereal that was dropped on baby’s head = check
Babywearing while loading the dishwasher = check
Close baby’s dangling feet in the dishwasher door = check
Babywearing while pumping = check
Babywearing while going to the bathroom = check
Babywearing while sweeping, making bread, doing laundry = check
Babywearing while blogging = check
Change a diaper = check
Nurse the baby = check
Smile at the baby in the bouncy seat for 10 minutes = check
Babywearing begins again = check
What have been your more memorable babywearing moments?
Inexplicable Ways 